Naughty Santa

Dominic and Pia singing a duet in the bedroom:

You better watch out

You better not cry

You better not pout cause I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is naughty tonight.

* * *

Question and Answer

While walking home:

Pia: Daddy, why do some policemen change their clothes into not uniform so the bad men do not know they are policemen?

Daddy: You already answered your own question.

Pia: (after pondering her question for a moment) Oh! I didn't know that!

* * *

Show and Tell

Every student in Pia's class is asked to do a show-and-tell each week.  Pia's turn is Mondays.

One weekend:

Pia: (excited) Daddy! I know what I will do for my show and tell in school!

Daddy: What will you do?

Pia: I will show and tell my farting sounds.

* * *

(It's not as bad as it sounds.  She just learned how to make 'farting' sounds by cupping her left hand on her right armpit and pumping the right arm in quick sequence.  That's what she wanted to show-and-tell)

Dizzy season

During spring and summer, the days are longer and the sun dusk isn't until 8:30pm.  During these days, the family goes to church on Saturday night instead of Sundays.

One Saturday afternoon:

Daddy: Pia, Dominic get dressed now. We're going out.

Pia: Where are we going?

Daddy: We're going to church.

Pia: (feeling lazy, doesn't want to go) BUT DADDY!  It's Saturday!  We go to church on Sundays!

Daddy: Yes, but today we're going on Saturday.

Pia: (tries to find an excuse) But Daddy, my head hurts!

Daddy: Why does it hurt?

Pia: Because I'm getting dizzy.  Sometimes we go to church on Sunday, sometimes we go on Saturday!

* * *

Pass the sult please

When it comes to food, Dominic is the most picky of the three children.  He often wouldn't try food he hasn't tried before, whereas Sammy still chews tables and dirty slippers.

On the way to a relative's house, we were concerned that Dominic will refuse to eat what is served:

Daddy: Dominic, listen, when we get to our friend's house, you must eat what they serve you. If you don't they will feel insulted.

Dominic: What does 'insulted' mean?

Daddy: Hmm...let's say you have some candy, and you give some to your classmate.  But your classmate just throws your candy away instead of enjoying them.  How would you feel?  That what 'insulted' means.

Dominic: Oh, I thought 'insulted' means put some salt in it.

* * *

Tough

Daddy always reminds the children to finish their homework before he gets home from work

It's 4pm now, and Daddy makes a call to home from the office:

Daddy: (on the phone with Mummy) Have the children done their homework?

Mummy: Dominic has, but Pia hasn't

Daddy: (groan, not again) Let me talk to her

Mummy hands the phone to Pia.

Pia: (in her toughest if-you're-looking-for-trouble-you've-come-to-the-right-place voice): WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY!

* * *

My Turn

Mummy was carrying Sammy.  She notices some dry crusted boogies all along the rim of Sammy's nostrils and proceeds to pick them off.

After a couple of seconds Sammy grabs Mummy's hand, gently pushes it away, and then starts to pick at his nose:

Sammy: My turn!

* * *

So near, yet so far

Dominic was trying teaching Sammy how to count. Sammy already knows "two" comes after "one", and "three" comes after "two", but hasn't said "one-two-three" all by himself:

Dominic: Sammy, count: "One"

Sammy: "Two!" 

Dominic: No, "One"

Sammy: No, one

Dominic: Two

Sammy: Three!

Dominic: No, "Two"

Sammy: No, two

Surrender came quickly.

* * *

Playing Dress-up Aborted

Daddy arrives home from work.  He had forgotten to put away his house clothes before leaving for work this morning:

Pia: Daddy, when you went to work, you left your  clothes on the bed.  You forgot to hang them up.

Daddy: Oh really?

Pia: I wanted to try them on because I wanted to see how big they are

Daddy: Did you try them on?

Pia: No, because they're smelly.

* * *

How to identify a fake letter from Mummy

Daddy wakes up from a Sunday nap.  The house is empty, except for Sammy sleeping beside him.  On Daddy's computer a handwritten note was taped:

Daddy we went to the playgruwn to go bikeing you should know were we are.  form Mommy

 

* * *

Inside Out

Late at night, after watching Jurassic Park 3.

Pia: Daddy, I want to put my bones on the outside of my body so I will be inside out.

Daddy: (tired) It's already nighttime.  Time to sleep.

Pia: Ok, I will do it tomorrow.

* * *

You must not eat the last pawn!

Dominic and Pia enjoy playing chess.  They seem to have received the belief that capturing an opponent's last pawn is very bad form.

Daddy's opinion is that the children will learn best if he does not play easy with them (he's not really very good in chess anyway), so gives no notice to this strange belief.

Daddy and Pia playing chess.  Daddy capture's Pia's last pawn:

Pia: (indignant) Daddy! You must not capture my last pawn!

Daddy: Why?

Dominic: (near sobbing) You must not capture the last pawn.

Daddy: But why?

Pia: (now crying) You must promise not to eat my last pawn. I don't want to play anymore!

Daddy: (still confused) Why?

* * *

Wobbly Tongue

Pia held the tip of her tongue between her thumb and index finger and began wagging it.

Daddy: What are you doing?

Pia: I'm wobbling my tongue?

Daddy: Why?

Pia: So it will fall off and I will grow a new one.

Daddy: Why do you want your tongue to fall off?

Pia: Because it's very old.

* * *

It's in the eyes of the beholder, sweetie

Daddy was using the computer.  Pia approaches:

Pia: Daddy...

Daddy: Yes?

Pia: You're not pretty.

* * *

Pia's Prayer 2

On her birthday.

Pia: Lord thank you that I am 6 years old. Thank you for keeping me safe from the bad children.  I pray that I will have a wobbly tooth.

* * *

Heart check

Pia gets a toy doctor's kit for her birthday:

Pia: (with her plastic stethoscope round her neck) Daddy, open your mouth. I will get your heart.

Daddy: You will get my heart?

Pia: I didn't say 'get'. I said 'Open your mouth and I will check your heart'

* * *

Vowels for idiots

The family was playing Boggle.  Not very successfully -- it was hard for young children to find +words, so Daddy gave tips to the children on how to find words more effectively:

Daddy: Look around the vowels. Do you know what vowels are?

Dominic: A-E-I-O-U

Pia: Daddy, if you have no brain you will think that vowels are A-N-G-T-X

* * *

Illegible Spoken Words

Dominic and Daddy in the kitchen doing homework.  Dominic's handwriting needs improvement. He mumbled something. Daddy did not quite get what the words were:

Daddy: What did you say Dominic?

Dominic: (annoyed) Daddy, you can understand me clearly. When I say words, it's not like when I write words and you cannot understand my writing.

Sigh. In other words, Daddy should have understood what was said because Dominic could not have possibly said the words illegibly.

* * *

Tadah!

Sammy gets off a dining chair and promptly falls on his bum. 

Sammy: (raising both hands in the air) Tadah!

* * *

Thick

Daddy holds two books in front of Pia:

Daddy: Which one is thicker?

Pia: (Instantly points to one) This one!

Daddy: Why?

Pia: What is 'thick'?

* * *

Eight-legged Abstract Nouns

Dominic is studying about abstract nouns.  Pia is listening.

Dominic: (reading) "An abstract noun is a noun that you cannot touch but can be thought about"

Daddy: Do you get what an abstract noun is? It's something you cannot touch.

Pia: Daddy, I know an abstract noun!

Daddy: Ok

Pia: A poisonous spider!

* * *

Chess Pieces

Dominic and Daddy are playing chess. Pia wants to learn chess too:

Pia: Daddy, can I play chess?

Daddy: Sure, when we finish this game you can play. But do you know how to play?

Pia: I know what the pieces are called.

Daddy: (holding up a castle) What is this piece?

Pia: Rook!

Daddy: Good. What's another name for it?

Pia: Roof!

* *

Nose-beard

Daddy plucks out a piece of hair from his nose.

Pia: Daddy, why do you take out hair from your nose?

Daddy: Because it was getting long

Pia: Is it painful?

Daddy: Yes -- don't do it.

Pia: (pointing to where mustaches grow) But if the hair in my nose grows long, I will have a beard, like Santa Claus

* * *

Easy on the eyes

Daddy is busy at the computer.  Mummy is busy at the computer. Pia is playing and doing something interesting to herself.

Pia: Look at me!

(no one looks at her)

Pia: Daddy, look at me!

(Daddy is uninterested and doesn't look even though Pia is just behind him)

Pia: Hey, Daddy, look at me. I'm easy to look at.

* * *

Disgusting

Mummy has started training Sammy to go without nappies.  Every 30 minutes, Mummy asks Sammy if he wants to pee.  It's not easy -- Sammy still has difficulty understanding the difference between "I will pee" and "I already peed".

One day, Sammy, without pants, got his plate, and slid it between his legs:

Pia: (seeing the act) Sammy! That's disgusting!

* * *

Bare Necessities

While praying before bed:

Daddy, Dominic, Pia: "And give us this day our daily bread..."

Daddy: (interrupts, to help the children understand the prayer) What does our daily bread mean?

Pia: The bread in church

Daddy: Yes, but also it means the things we need, like food, clothing, ...

Dominic: and toilets

* * *

Fighting Math

 Still teaching Sammy math:

Daddy: Two plus three?

Sammy: Two!

Daddy: No, it's "five"

Sammy: Fight!

Daddy: "Five"

Sammy: Fight

Daddy: "Fiv-uh"

Sammy: Fight-uh

* * *

Stinky Math

Sammy has been exceedingly good in math:

Daddy: One plus one?

Sammy: Two!

Daddy: 8 divided by 4?

Sammy: Two!

Daddy: square root of 4?

Sammy: Two!

So we decided it was time for the next level:

Daddy: Two plus two?

Sammy: Two!

Daddy: No, it's "Four"

Sammy: Faaaart

Daddy: Four!

Sammy: Fart!

Daddy: Fooooooor

Sammy:Faaaaaaaaart

* * *

What Mummy Drinks

Daddy and Sammy are in the kitchen. Mummy's mug of green tea is on the table, in front of Daddy. He goes into teaching mode and decides to teach Sammy a new word:

Daddy: (pointing to the mug of tea) Sammy, say 'Tea'

Sammy: (pointing to the mug) Pee

Daddy: No, 'Tea'

Sammy: (with more enthusiasm -- he has learned a new word) Pee!

Daddy: Tuh-eee

Sammy: Puh-eee

Daddy: (losing hope) Tea

Sammy: Pee.

* * *

Green leafy angel

Dominic and Pia pray each night.  Sometimes we pray the Our Father and other prayers. They know the words, but are too young to understand many of the bigger ones, but we slowly explain to them what the phrases mean:

Daddy, Dominic, Pia: "Angel of God, my guardian dear..."

Daddy: <pausing> What does 'guardian' mean?

Pia: Where we plant flowers and vegetables?

* * *

Oh no, it's eight o' clock and Sammy can speak

Sammy has started watching Barney and enjoys it tremendously.  It's the same set of Barney shows that Pia and Dominic watched in Hong Kong when they were Sammy's age.

The current episode he's watching over and over is about Numbers.  Stella (a magic story teller), lost the numbers from the face of her magic alarm clock.  'Oh no!' she exclaims upon finding out.  Sammy watches this episode every day.

One day, while Daddy was putting on Sammy's socks:

Sammy: (looks up at the wall clock and points to it) Oh no! It's eight!

* * *

Absolutely headache

Dominic has been learning new words from the dictionary, mostly words beginning with 'a'.

A few days ago, he came down with a very bad infection of some sort, giving him a headache and making him throw up. 

A few days later, when things have cleared, we wanted to make sure if he still has a headache.

Daddy: Dominic, is your head still painful

Dominic: <inaudible, something like a weak 'nyes'>

Daddy: What? I didn't hear.  Is your head still painful?

Dominic: Absolutely! (and then smiled at his new word).

* * *

New life skills

As the children grow, they also acquire new skills.  Usually it's fascinating to observe them learn how to tell time, or how to climb the stairs, or how to multiply.

Some skills may not be as fascinating:

Pia: (rummaging through her toy box) Daddy, I can kill you very easily.

* * *

Key to success

Pia holds up one of her drawings:

Pia: The first one to raise their hand will get this drawing.

Daddy raises his hand first.  Pia gives the drawing to Mummy.

Daddy: Hey, I raised my hand first. Why did you give the drawing to Mummy?

Pia: (gives complicated explanation why, and then...) Tomorrow if you want to get the drawing you must be faster -- you must try harder than your best.

* * *

Practicing a Presentation, 4

Pia practicing a presentation she will make at school. She's pointing to a family photo:

Pia: This is my family...

Then points to Sammy in the photo

Pia: This is my baby.

* * *

Practicing a Presentation, 3

Continuing her presentation practice:

Pia: This is my family, this picture was taken at home (then starts with the next picture)

Daddy: Wait...say something more about that picture, when was it taken (the family is posed beside a Christmas tree, taken 6 months ago)

Pia: Oh, ok. This is my family, this picture was taken at home on Saturday.

* * *

Practicing a Presentation, 2

Pia is practicing a presentation, using Daddy's pencil sketches where photos would be.

Pia: This is my family (then goes to the next picture)

Daddy: Wait, say something more about the picture, like where was it taken from?

Pia: Ok. This picture was taken from the computer.

* * *

Practicing a Presentation,1

Pia will be making a presentation at her class about her family and about how she lives her school's values.

She had to stick photos of her family onto a pre-designed board.  But since we didn't have the photos developed yet, Daddy made quick pencil sketch replicas of the photos and pasted them where the real photos would be, so that Pia could already begin practicing her presentation:

Pia: (points to a 'picture' of her family) This is my family. (Then goes to the next picture)

Daddy: Wait, say something more about the first picture, like where was it taken?

Pia: Oh, ok....This is my family, my Daddy drew this picture.

* * *

The Fear of Getting Old

Dominic's two lower front teeth has fallen off a year ago.  The dentist helped pull them off.  Pia remembers the event and dreads the day she turns six:

Pia: Daddy, I don't want be six years old.

Daddy: Why not?

Pia: Because my teeth will fall off.

* * *

Cake Lover's Freudian Slip

Pia made a card for Daddy even if there was no occasion:

I Love you Daddy when it is (my) your birthday can you bey a cek BY SoPhia

 

* * *

Identity Problem

Pia dawdling over lunch. Mommy's getting bothered and pushing Pia to finish eating.  Low voices.  High tempers.

Mommy steps out the kitchen.  Pia gets a last word in.

Pia: MOMMY! MY NAME IS NOT 'EAT YOUR RICE FIRST!'

* * *

How the great theories of math begin

Dominic and Pia at lunch:

Dominic: Pia, do you know what infinity plus infinity is?

Pia: Infinity

Dominic: Correct.  Do you know why?

Pia: Because it rhymes.

* * *

Tantrums, 2

We had warned Pia that we will brook no more tantrums and that she will be shipped to her Mom's hometown if she has another one.

Daddy comes home from work:

Pia: Daddy, did you ask Mommy if I had tantrums?

Daddy: Not yet. Do you want me to ask her?

Pia: <no reply>

Daddy:  What will Mommy tell me if I ask her?

Pia: Pack my bags?

* * *

Tantrums, 1

As precious as Pia is, she has a temperament that drives Mommy to exhaustion.  When Pia has her tantrums (and it's often every day), it's the most frustrating thing in the world. 

It came to a point where Daddy warned Pia that if she had one more of her tantrums, we will pack her bags and ship her off to her Mommy's hometown. (Not really, but don't tell her that).

Next day:

Daddy: (just home from work) Pia, do you remember what we told you about what will happen if you have your tantrums again?

Pia: Yes.

Daddy: So, did you have a tantrum today?

Pia: Almost.

* * *

This Need Didn't Make it to Maslow's List

Rushing to get everyone bathed and dressed for church.  It was Pia's turn to get into the shower, and she had been told 10 minutes ago to already get undressed.  But she hadn't.  Mommy looked for her and found her trying to squeeze into a corner under the bunk bed:

Mommy: Pia!  I told you to take your clothes off and get inside the bathroom! 

Pia: Mommy, I still need to hide!

* * *

Clark Kent could have done away with his eyeglasses

Mommy always combs Dominic's hair after giving him his bath.  This morning, Mommy was busy with Sammy so Dominic grabbed a comb and combed his hair by himself, creating a parting line just one inch above his left ear -- everything to the right of that line combed across the head over to the other side.

Pia: (studying Dominic's face) You don't look like yourself.

* * *

Poor instructions

When the family is walking together, Pia often likes to run ahead of the rest.  With Sammy on his stroller, we could not keep up. Sometimes she would run far ahead and then turn the next corner and we get anxious at not seeing where she is.

One day, Pia runs ahead and turns the corner:

Daddy: (loudly) PIA! Come back!

Pia: (hears Daddy and comes running back) What?

Daddy: (scolding) Don't go where you cannot see us!

Pia: (walks ahead 2 meters, and then with her back to us) Is this ok?

Daddy: Yes

Pia: BUT I CANNOT SEE YOU!

* * *

Living up to tough standards

After church, while waiting at the train station on the way to Pia's friend's birthday party. Dominic was playing with his new Rubik's cube:

Mommy: Dominic, did you show that lady in church how you were solving that cube?

Dominic: Yes.

Mommy: She was impressed. Her son was also playing, but it wasn't with something that needed thinking. But you, you were using your brain.

Pia: (always intent on being no worse than her brother) Mommy, am I?

* * *

That's how grown-ups feel sometimes

We have two types of butter in the fridge. A regular one for the kids and a low-fat one for the grown ups. One morning, only the low-fat one was on the table:

Pia: (receiving her toast) Can I have some butter?

Daddy: (pushes the low-fat butter closer to Pia) Here.

Pia: Daddy, is that butter only for ground-ups?

* * *

Pia's Prayer

We've been praying the Our Father each night with the kids, without actually explicitly teaching them the words. From hearing the prayer nightly, the children picked up the words. 

Most of the words anyway:

Pia: ...And give us this day, our daily breath...

* * *

Comma

Daddy was trying to help improve Dominic's writing by introducing him to sentence patterns.  The first pattern is about using a series of descriptive words separated by commas: "A,B,C".

Daddy: Dominic, look at this pattern: "A comma B comma C". For example, "My teacher is friendly comma good comma nice". Do you get it?

Dominic: Yes

Daddy: Here's another: With persistence comma confidence comma intelligence, I learned to play chess. Now it's your turn.

Dominic: uhm.....<can't think of a sentence>

Daddy: Ok, let's try another one, I'll start the sentence: "My school has a... "

Dominic: <no answer>

Daddy: "My school has a..."

Pia: Comma!

* * *

OBEY ME!

Daddy was seated on the sofa.  A hyper-agitated Sammy was on his lap, vigorously struggling and folding and stretching and twisting and screaming with unbelievable strength.  Pia was saying something but Daddy was too distracted.  Sammy's crying simply drowned out all other communication beyond understandability. 

Pia bends down near Daddy for a few seconds and then all of a sudden Daddy's leg was tied up with a skipping rope!

Daddy: Pia!  Why did you tie my leg?

Pia: Because you were not listening to me.

Daddy: Untie my leg

Pia: (sits down on another chair across the room, rests both hands with fingers meshed behind her head and leans back smiling smugly at her capture) No.

Daddy: (annoyed, and still struggling with Sammy)  Untie it now.

Pia: No.  Because I was telling you ten times to twirl the skipping rope while I jump.

Daddy: Let me go now.

Pia: I will let you go only if you obey me.

* * *

Please is required

While at lunch.  The fridge is right behind Pia's place at the table:

Daddy: Pia, can you get the water from the fridge?

Pia: (poker faced, no response. not even looking up from her plate)

Daddy: Pia, could you get the water?

Pia: (no reaction)

Daddy: Peeeeeeeeee-yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Pia: (still poker faced) You must say please.

* * *

Turing Test

Sammy is picking up words from the conversations around him. Sometimes he uses them as if he knows what they mean.  If the conversation is short enough, he can even pass the Turing test.

In the kitchen:

Mommy: Who wants to eat?

Sammy: Me!

Mommy: Where do you want your food?

Sammy: Why?

Mommy: How any pieces of toast bread do you want?

Sammy: Two

Mommy: Do you want butter?

Sammy: Why?

Mommy: Do you want toast bread?

Sammy: No

BZZZZZZT!

 

* * *

Not a Hallmark Card

Dominic and Pia got into making cards for Mommy during Mother's day.  Pia continues making cards when it fancies her.  She likes to write, but her spelling lags a bit.

Her latest card for Mommy:

Mommy I am going to gev you discards and dot lok at dis cards yat but mommy I Love you vrey mash but Dominic should not hit me enimor.

* * *

Lose the R

For months Daddy has been encouraging Dominic to pronounce his 'R's : to say 'hard' instead of 'hahd, to say 'art' instead of 'aht', to say 'fork' instead of 'fohk':

At work:

Australian Colleague: Your English sounds American

Daddy: Yes, American English is the standard of English where we came from.  I'm working on acquiring the Australian accent though.

Australian Colleague: You should avoid pronouncing your 'R's

Daddy: Huh?

Australian Colleague: You are rolling your 'R's, people here don't pronounce their 'R's. Say 'fohk' instead of 'fork'.

* * *

Basic Necessities

While praying before going to bed:

Daddy: ...and provide us with our daily needs: food, clothing, shelter...

Pia: And 'sleep'!

* * *

Call Screener

Pia loves answering the phone, especially when she knows it's Daddy calling home from the office.

Pia: (answering the phone) Hello! Is this Daddy?

Daddy: Yes, can I talk to Mommy?

Pia: She's not here today.

* * *

Pia: (answering the phone) Hello! Is this Daddy?

Daddy: Yes, can I talk to Mommy?

Pia: (without changing her voice) I am Mommy.

* * *

Pia: (answering the phone) Hello! Is this Daddy?

Daddy: Yes, can I talk to Mommy?

Pia: (in her 'oldest' sounding voice) This is Grandma.

* * *

Pia: (answering the phone) Hello! Is this Daddy?

Daddy: Yes, can I talk to Mommy?

Pia: Mommy is not here.

Daddy: (?) Where is she?

Pia: She left us.

* * *

 

Pia: (answering the phone) Hello! Is this Daddy?

Daddy: Yes, can I talk to Mommy?

Pia: Mommy is not here.

Daddy: (?) Where is she?

Pia: She is downstairs washing clothes

Daddy: (suspicious) Can I talk to Dominic?

Pia: He's also downstairs washing clothes

Daddy: (now really suspicious) Can I talk to (20-month old) Sammy?

Pia: Sammy's also washing clothes

* * *

Conditional Love

Sammy can already say a few words very clearly, like: why, here, and eat, but he doesn't quite know what the words mean yet:

Daddy: Pia, does Daddy love Mommy?

Pia: Yes

Daddy: Dominic, does Mommy love Daddy?

Dominic: Yes

Daddy: Sammy, does Mommy love Daddy?

Sammy: Why?

* * *

The Horse

Pia is fascinated with horses.  Her favourite movie is 'The Black Stallion', and she could never get enough of it.  Many mornings, she can be found galloping around the flat on all fours:

Mommy: Pia, what are you doing?

Pia: (on all fours) I'm running like a stallion

Mommy: Do you like horses?

Pia: Yes

Mommy: Do you want to be a rider when you grow up?

Pia: No

Mommy: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Pia: I want to be a horse. (and off she gallops)

* * *

Daily Report

Daddy comes home from the office.  Mommy opens the door to let Daddy in.  Sammy comes running to greet Daddy with the report of today's events:

Sammy:  Atoh atoh, weeshahua er pub blub blub blub hoosh shr wo avu bish ha hua.

And that comes with complete hand gestures.

* * *

Ahtoh, Ahtoh

Sammy is starting to learn to speak.  He begins each dialog with his favourite expression: "Ahtoh ahtoh".

If he had been clapping with his brother and sister earlier, he relates that event by saying, "Ahtoh ahtoh", and then clapping.

This has become his standard expression.

* * *

Cirque du Sammy

After learning to walk, the next step is learning to climb.  And Sammy enjoys climbing up on anything.

Leave him for five minutes and he has clambered up on the bunk bed's upper deck.  Turn around for a minute and he's up on a dining chair, already pushed away from the dining table and placed near the sink.  Be distracted for a few moments, and he's up on the dining table, about to open the coffee jar.

* * *

Tahtee

Sammy is starting to be able to say words after just one hearing:

Mommy: Sammy, say 'Daddy'

Sammy: Tahtee

Mommy: Say, 'Mommy'

Sammy: Mahmee

Mommy: Say 'Achie'  (elder sister)

Sammy: Atee

Mommy: Say 'Anya' (older brother)

Sammy: Ana

* * *

My eyes are broken

Off to church.  Dominic is wearing Mommy's sunglasses. Pia sees it and wants to wear it too:

Pia: Daddy I want to wear the sunglasses.

Daddy: You have to share. Dominic will wear it going to church, you can wear it on the way home.

Pia: But I need to put it on now.

Daddy: Why?

Pia: Because the sun is shining and my eyes will be...broken.  See I can't blink it.

* * *

Wootah

Pia and Dominic are slouched on the big chair watching TV.  Pia stands up and goes to the kitchen.  Dominic takes over Pia's side of the big chair. 

Upon her return:

Pia: Mommy! Dominic is sitting in my place. I just went to the kitchen to get some wootah!

Daddy: (low voice, to Mommy) Did you hear how she pronounces water?

Daddy: (to Pia) Pia, what's that you're drinking?

Pia: Wootah

Another strange pronunciation she picked up at school. We think it's Australian, but not quite sure.

* * *

Phone Home

Daddy calls home every day before he leaves the office. Lately, it has been Pia who's been answering the phone.

Daddy calls home...

Pia : (picks up the phone) Hello, is this Daddy?

Daddy: Yes, is Mommy there?

Pia: She's downstairs, washing clothes

(Not really)

Daddy: Can I talk to Dominic?

Pia: He's also downstairs, washing clothes

Daddy: Can I talk to Sammy?

Pia: He's also downstairs, washing clothes

A 20 month old child washing clothes?

* * *

Impostor

Daddy calls home every day before he leaves the office. Lately, it has been Pia who's been answering the phone.

Daddy calls home...

Pia : (picks up the phone) Hello, is this Daddy?

Daddy: Yes, who is this?

Pia: (in her teeny-weeny voice) This is Mommy.

* * *

Tickle me

Anya and Pia playing inside the house.  Then a lull.  Then:

Pia: Anya, can you tickle my butt?

* * *

Eat! Eat!

Sammy likes eating.  Very much.  If he hears the slightest crackle of a potato chip bag, he will turn his head and run toward the sound. 

At 20 months, he still doesn't understand many words.  But he has begun to understand 'eat'.

One day, around 5pm, Mommy was cooking dinner, and the children were watching TV.

Mommy: (pops into the living room) Dominic, Pia, we will eat in five minutes.

Sammy hears the word 'eat', slides down the sofa, and runs to the kitchen.

Sammy: Eat, eat, eat.

 

* * *

Allo? Agent 86 Here

At 1.5 years old, Sammy's pickup of words is picking up. A word catches his attention, and then he observes how people use it, in what context, then he starts using them.

The latest one he picked up is the 'Hello?' that people say when talking into phones.  At every opportunity, he will pick up the phone and speak into it : Allo!  Allo! Allo!

Of course no one answers, so he speaks louder and louder: ALLO! ALLO! ALLO!

The last Allo coming with all his might (you can almost see the veins in his neck).

But he tends to drop the phone, so we've banned him from using it.  Ever resourceful, he improvises, and speaks into other things: the headset, his toy trucks, and of course, his shoes, waiting for someone at the other end: ALLO! ALLO! ALLO!

 

* * *

Me! Me! Me!

Sammy has picked up another word: Me.  He can pronounce it, but he doesn't know what it means. As one can expect, this has turned him into a magnet for jokes:

Pia: Who's the smelliest boy in the world?

Sammy: (proudly) Me!

Daddy: Who is ugly?

Sammy: ME!

* * *

Clueless Cluedo, 2

Dominic and Pia struggle to learn the ways of playing Cluedo.  Daddy's turn to make a guess, and Dominic has to check his cards to see if he has any of the guessed items.

He goes through each card in his pack:

Dominic: (softly, but audibly) Knife...Mrs. Peacock... Lounge...Kitchen...Candlestick...

* * *

Clueless Cluedo

We bought a board game called Cluedo and tried to play it with Dominic and Pia.  We knew Pia was too young to play by herself so she partnered with Mummy.

Let the Game begin.

Dominic's first three turns were wasted traversing the board, bypassing open rooms.  He seems to be vectoring toward the Kitchen, located on the far side of the board.  After three turns, he's only halfway there:

Daddy: Why don't you try and enter the other rooms so you can make a guess?  You are wasting your turns.

Dominic: I want to go to the Kitchen to cook.

* * *

Obchession

Once we introduced Dominic to chess, it took only a couple of hours before he was able to pick up all but the most obscure of rules.  We had wondered if he was too young, but it turns 6 is just the right age.

To help him learn more about tactics, we borrowed a couple of chess books from the public libraries.

He was delighted with the books and consumed them  with obsession. He studies them at night before nodding off.  He reads them first thing in the morning, even before getting out of bed.  He skims them while eating breakfast (to the distress of Mommy who needs to make sure they get to school on time).  He scans them while brushing his teeth, and he ponders on them while sitting...well, you can guess where.

Of course, the best way to learn is to play with your peers, especially those better than you, so we enrolled him in weekly chess class at his school.

One day:

Daddy:  Did you play chess today?

Dominic: Yes.

Daddy: Who did you play with?

Dominic: With Lxxx (a girl)

Daddy: Did you win?

Dominic: No.

Daddy: (surprised) How did she win?

Dominic: She tricked me.  She told me that her bishop cannot go backwards.

 

* * *

Training for trains

Pia and Dominic were watching animated Superman cartoons.  Superman was chasing a runaway locomotive. After he caught up with the train, Superman landed on top of the engine, grabbed a hold of the train,  then pulled on it until it stopped.

Pia was impressed, then looks at skinny Dominic:

Pia: Domu, can you pull a train like that even if you are so tiny and weak?

* * *

Will never be a pirate

Dominic is still missing his 'r's. 

Dominic: Daddy, today at aht we drew...

Daddy: Not aht, art.

Dominic: (trying very hard) Aht

Daddy: Say ra-re-ri-ro-ru

Dominic: ra-re-ri-ro-ru

Daddy: Art

Dominic: Aht

Daddy: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT

Dominic: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT

Daddy: Arat

Dominic: Arat

Daddy: Art

Dominic: Aht

Daddy: Arrr...matey, go to sleep.

* * *

First blood, er, saliva

An angry Pia stormed into the bedroom:

Pia: DADDY!  Dominic spit his saliva in my FACE!

Daddy gets up and looks for Dominic.  Grrr...

Daddy: Dominic! Why did you spit in Pia's face!

Dominic: But she spit on my face first.

<Groan>

Daddy: (turning to Pia) Why did you spit on Domu's face?

Pia: (indignance has disappeared) Because I wanted to see what he was doing.

* * *

Unicorn and the smelly birdy

Dominic is playing with Pia's stuffed toy unicorn.  He has it between his legs and he's jumping up and down, as if riding a horse.

Pia : (crying out) Daddy!  Dominic is playing with my unicorn!

Daddy: It's ok. You're not using it. You can share your toys.

Pia: But he's putting my unicorn between his legs.

Daddy: And?

Pia: My unicorn will get smelly!

* * *

THINK

Mommy and Pia (and Sammy) were walking home after bringing Dominic to school.  Pia had no school on Wednesdays.

Pia: Mommy, I'm thinking about when I was a little girl.

Mommy: Oh, what are you thinking of?

Pia: Mommy! YOU think about when YOU were a little girl by yourself!

* * *

Queen David

Reading the story of David and Goliath, and David the King to the children:

Daddy: Who was the king of Israel before Solomon?

Dominic: David

Daddy: Who was David?

Dominic: The boy who killed the giant.

Daddy: That's right.  And he became the king.

Dominic: But he did not become a king at once.  He was still a boy.

Pia: (from the bunk below) So he became the queen!

* * *

First day in school

It is Pia's first ever day in school in Australia.  She's had one and a half years of school in Hong Kong, but because of differences in school age and school year schedules, when we moved to Australia she had to wait until she met the criteria here.

To help her prepare for her first day, we made sure she would speak up when asked by the teacher:

Daddy: Are you excited to go to school?

Pia: Yes

Daddy: Remember to speak out loud, ok?

Pia: Yes

Daddy: If the teacher talks to you and asks, 'Little girl, what is your name?'  What will you say?

Pia: My name is Piglet!

* * *

Mood, incarnate

Dominic and Pia playing make believe tales:

Dominic: Look Pia, I am the prince.

Pia: I am the evil temper.

* * * 

My Myopia gets in the way

We borrowed a Superman DVD. An animated series made in the 1940s, but surprisingly very well done, with almost realistic motion. 

Pia is so taken in by Superman and his powers that she watches keenly each display of super ability. 

While chasing a runaway train, beams come out of Superman's eyes, and he can see inside the train:

Pia: Look, Daddy, look!  Can you do that?

 

* * *

Assignments and the USB Headache Detector

Pia tries different ways to avoid doing her 'assignments' (reading, writing, math exercises we ask them to do)

One day, while Dominic and Pia were trying to do their assignments:

Dominic: Daddy, my head is painful.

Daddy: Go to bed and rest (he's been feeling unwell the past day).

Pia: (notices Dominic got off doing his assignment, says hesitantly) Daddy, my head is a little painful too.

Daddy: (suspicious) Are you sure?

Pia: (weak nod)

Daddy: (picks up a USB memory stick).  Do you know what this is?

Pia: No.

Daddy: This is a lie detector.  If you are telling the truth, this will light up. Are you sure you have a headache?

Pia: (weakly) ...yes...

Daddy: ('sticks' the USB into Pia's ear)....Hmmm see it doesn't light up.  Finish your assignment.

Pia: (slinks back to her desk) Hoookaayyyy.....

* * *

The Destroyer

Pia and Dominic usually like playing together. But there are times when Dominic wants to play by himself when Pia wants them to play together.

If that happens and he resists Pia's initial invitations to play together, she will find ways to force them to 'play' together.  She might pick up one of the toys he's using and run away with it, or she might knock over something he's building, or she might sing and talk so loudly around Dominic that he can't think.  In other words, she will try to drive him mad.

One day, after chasing Pia out of their room:

Dominic: Pia! Don't come in here! If you come back, I will destroy you!

Daddy: Dominic...don't destroy Pia.

* * *

PLBRRPT!

Every now and then, Sammy will stick out a bit of his tongue between his lips, and then blow out air bringing with it saliva: PLBRRPT! spraying wet anything within a foot of his face.

He blows with full force.  If he does it standing up, he gets propelled and has to take a step backward to keep his balance. 

The occurrence is often random, but we've noticed that he seems to especially like doing it during bonding moments.  When everyone is collapsing from a funny joke, for example, he contributes to the moment with a PLBRRPT!  

When you are carrying him and gazing lovingly at his eyes, out of nowhere comes PLBRRPT! straight into your face.

 

* * *

He knows if you've been naughty

Curious about a hypothetical scenario, but wants to ensure she plays no part in it whatsoever, Pia phrases her question neatly:

Pia: What will happen to Dominic if God is angry with him?

Daddy: (avoids direct answer) God doesn't want bad people in heaven.

Pia: Does he know if we're bad?

Daddy: Yes

Pia: Does he know if we're good?

Daddy: Yes

Pia: Does he know if we're just pretending?

* * *

The frog president

Dominic was reading about kings of Israel and then looks up from the book...

Dominic: Daddy, is there a king in Australia?

Daddy: No, but we have a queen.

Dominic: Do other countries have kings?

Daddy: Yes, but only a few.  Most countries don't have kings or queens.

Dominic: Why?

Daddy: People don't like kings anymore.  They like to be able to choose their leader. After a few years, if they don't like their leader, they can change him.

Pia: Change him into what?

* * *

Can we play with God?

Pia comes out from the bedroom, apparently recalling something:

Pia: Daddy, why does God not want us to play with him?

Daddy: Who told you that?

Pia: You did!

Daddy: Me? What did I say?

Pia: When we were playing we said: "Once upon a time, God is dead, the end" you said we shouldn't say that.

 

* * *

Flat Iron Vindaloo

While Daddy was ironing shirts in the living room, Pia started playing and running around near the ironing board:

Daddy: Watch out Pia.  This iron is hot. Stay away.

Pia: Will I get burned if I touch it?

Daddy: Yes.

Pia: Is it very hot?

Daddy: Very hot.

Pia: Is it spicy hot?

* * *

Food for growth

The children enjoyed the family trip to Luna Park, but height restrictions prevented them from taking on some of the attractions they wanted to ride. You had to be taller than 110cm to ride the ferris wheel, or the bump car, or a couple of other rides suitable for kids.

So we told the Dominic and Pia that we'll just visit again next year, when they had grown taller and when they'd be able to enjoy all the rides. 

One day:

Pia: Daddy, I want to go to Luna Park again.

Daddy: Yes, we will go again next year. Hopefully you'll be tall enough to ride the bump car.

Pia: Daddy, what food can I eat to make me grow taller?

Carpe diem.

Daddy: (nonchalantly) Well, you have to eat more rice, drink more milk, eat more veggies.

Pia: (runs to the kitchen) Mommy! Can you give me my milk now?

* * *

Self service in this establishment

Dominic and Pia were slumped in the sofa and watching TV, looking like two up and coming couch potatoes.  Mommy had blended some homemade smoothies (strawberry milkshake). She comes out from the kitchen,  hands each of the kids a glass of the smoothie, and then lies down to rest.

After the kids had finished drinking, and while remaining slumped in the sofa:

Dominic: Mommy!

Pia: Mommy!

Daddy: Why are you calling Mommy?

Pia: (raises the empty glass without taking eyes away from the TV) I'm finished.

They want Mommy to come, retrieve the glasses, and place them in the sink for them. 

Daddy: (angry) It's not Mommy's job to put these glasses in the sink for you!  Do it yourself!

Pia: (still eyes on the TV) But she gave these glasses to us!

* * *

The Day Superman Cried

Sammy wore his olive green hooded jumper for the first time.  To Pia, Sammy in an olive green hood looks like Superman.  She starts calling him Superman.

Mommy went to the bathroom.  Sammy cries whenever Mommy goes to the bathroom, and this time it's no different.  He starts wailing.

Pia: Mommy! Hurry up! Superman is crying!

* * *

Math genius baby

Dominic is practicing the 2 x multiplication table Chinese style (i.e., pronouncing '2 2 4', '2 3 6', '2 4 8', '2 5 10', etc., instead of the cumbersome Western style of '2 times 2 equals 4', '2 times 3 equals 6', etc.)

Sammy picks up the recurring 2's and shouts 'two!'. We pick up the theme:

Daddy: Sammy, what is 1 + 1?

Sammy: Two!

Daddy: 4 / 2?

Sammy: Two!

Daddy: What is the square root of 4?

Sammy: Two!

Daddy: 60,000 / 30,000?

Sammy: Two!

Daddy: Decimal equivalent of binary 10?

Sammy: Two!

 

* * *

The Uncertain Flight Attendant

Pia playing stewardess again.  This time perhaps on her first day at work:

Pia: Ladies and gentlemen, do you need to buckle your seatbelts?

* * *

It's a figure of speech, silly

Daddy is at the office.  He calls home:

Pia: Hello.

Daddy: Hello, who is this?

Pia: This is Pia.

Daddy: Where's Mommy?

Pia: She's at home.

 

...5 seconds of quiet...

 

Daddy realizes Pia was still at the other end waiting for the next question:

Daddy: Can I talk to her?

Pia: Ok. I will call her now.

* * *

Lara Croft, Take 1

The head of Anubis the jackal-god towers over the entrance to an ancient Egyptian temple. Anyone who dares enter the temple soon discovers that inside, it is a maze in pitch black darkness, haunted by roaming monsters that glow in the dark and rabidly chase those whom they see.

This is the Lara Croft attraction at Luna Park, where cheery visitors go in group by group, find their way through the darkness, and run out screaming.

As Mommy and Dominic and Pia waited their turn to go in, we wondered if kids can handle it, so we coached them:

Mommy: Listen, it will be dark inside.  When you walk in some people dressed as monsters will try to scare you. Don't be frightened.  They are just pretending and they will not touch you or hurt you.

Pia: They are not real monsters?

Mommy: No they're not. They're just people who work here.  It's all just for fun. Are you scared?

Dominic, Pia: No.

Mommy: Good. Don't be scared.

Dominic: We're not scared.

So in they went.

And out they popped, five seconds later.  Pia was too scared and they made their exit through the nearest emergency side exit.

 

* * *

Stewardess

Very hot weather.  Pia is standing two inches in front of the electric fan and talking straight into it, enjoying her buzzing voice.  Today she is a flight attendant doing some in-flight contortion announcements:

Pia: Ladies and gentlemen, you need to buckle to your seatbelts. 

* * *

Fraulein from Hamburg?

Dominic and Pia are having mince beef omelet on hamburger rolls.  To them it looks like hamburgers:

Pia: Can I put ketchup on my hambugirl?

 

* * *