Aftertaste is Everything

Sammy, Domu, and Daddy went to IKEA to buy some stuff.  After shopping, Daddy treated them to a ‘buffet’: all you can eat sausages at IKEA (hotdog in a bun, $1 each).

IKEA still offers free drink refills, but their drink dispenser no longer had Coke or Sprite or any other recognisable brands. Instead, they had other fizzy drinks (lime, peach, soda water, etc).

After downing 3 sausages, Sammy went on to try each of the 4 drink flavours.  He liked none of them.

Sammy: Oh crap.  I wish I didn’t finish the sausages before trying the drinks. Now i have to live with the aftertaste of the drinks. 

Daddy: You eat your food according to what  aftertaste you want to have?

Sammy: Yep, that’s what I do. Usually I eat my favourite last so that when I burp I get to taste it again.  Now I have these horrible drink in my aftertaste instead of sausages.

* * *

Mile-High Club

Sammy joined the mile-high club -- the other mile-high club.

Suffering through 9 hours of a 14-hour flight from MEL to LAX -- his first ever flight since he was six months old -- Sammy started to feel like throwing up.

He and Pia ran to where the toilets are.  But each toilet were showing a red light – occupied! 

Panic! 

But they spotted one showing green.  They rushed to it and pushed  the door open. Inside was an older gentleman brushing his teeth.

But Sammy couldn’t hold it in anymore.  He vomited on the floor of the toilet, surprising and terrifying the man still inside, who rushed out, saving himself

* * *

No, You!

Sammy has acquired a new automated response.  Partly joking, partly trying to get away from his chores.

Daddy: Sammy, time to study.

Sammy: No, you!

---

Daddy: Sammy, throw out the rubbish.

Sammy: No, you!

---

Daddy: Sammy, take a shower now.

Sammy: No, you!

---

Daddy: Sammy,…

Sammy: No, you!

Daddy:… eat some chocolates.

Sammy: No, me!

* * *

Filial Millennial

Sammy was reading the short story ‘The Washwoman’ (by Isaac Singer). The poor, old washwoman had a rich son who abandoned her and left her to fend for herself.

Daddy: So, Sammy, when you grow up and become rich, don’t be like that woman’s son and abandon Mummy and me.

Sammy: Actually, I think I will be like that rich son.

Daddy: So, you’ll abandon us?

Sammy: Basically.

* * *

Sammy the Internet Service Provider

Sammy turned on the internet (actually the cable modem connection to the internet).  After a few minutes he notices Daddy turning on his computer.

Sammy: (teasingly) Hey Daddy, I turned on the internet so you don't have to wait 5 minutes for it to turn on.  Are you happy?

Daddy: Yes, I'm delirious....  Do you know what 'delirious' means?

Sammy: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!  Do not try to teach me anything when it's not time to study.  I don't want to learn anything new!  Don't you dare teach me...

* * *

Breaking Bad Rice

The family has been watching Breaking Bad on DVD.  It's Sammy's job to cook rice  (Sammy's 11 years old).  Sometimes it takes a lot of reminders, especially when he's in front of the computer, which is All.The.Time.  He tries to delay having to do the chore by pretending to not know what it is he needs to do.

Daddy: Sammy, cook the rice.

Sammy: Cook meth?

* * *

Press '1' to Go Away

Daddy called the home number from the office.  Sammy answered the phone.  He knew it was Daddy calling.

Sammy: (In automated voice recorder tone) You have reached Sammy's number.  If you want to talk to Sammy, please press '1'.  If you are Daddy, please go away. BEEEEEEP.

* * *

Sammy was busy playing on the computer.  Desperately enjoying the last day of term break (he doesn't know there's one more week of vacation left). 

He had just finished doing the Gauss Year 7 exam and Daddy wants to review his mistakes.

Daddy: Sammy, come on, let's review your mistakes.

Sammy:  (hard at play on the computer) Daddy, please, you know better than that...

* * *

Knock-Off Oranges

We want Sammy to learn to eat fruit.  He avoids them whenever he can.  One day he tried out some of the grapefruit Mummy had cut up.

Sammy: (After tasting grapefruit) Eww…How do you even like this?  It has terrible aftertaste!

Daddy: I like it.

Sammy: Grapefruit is like the rip-off version of oranges!

* * *

Stir Fried Cognitive Dissonance

Daddy was stir-frying bitter melons, which Sammy doesn’t like to eat. His favourite is fried rice.

Sammy experiences confusion:

Sammy: Oh it smells so good, like fried rice!  But I know it’s not fried rice.  It’s something terrible!

* * *

Nextlist, not Checklist

Daddy was getting ready to leave for work.

Sammy: Daddy, in how many minutes are you going?

Daddy: You want to leave the house together?  You want to go now? Are you ready?

Sammy: Yes

Daddy: (Noticing Sammy was wearing scruffy pants) Change your pants

Sammy: Don’t care. Next.

Daddy: Put on undies.

Sammy: Don’t care. Next.

Daddy: Did you shower?

Sammy: Don’t care. Next.

Daddy: (Giving up) Let’s go.

* * *

I Don’t Do Cat Fights

The cat killed a bird.  Pia was trying to place the dead bird’s body in a plastic bag but the cat keeps trying to pull it out.

Mummy: Sammy, go help your sister.  She’s trying to put the bird in a bag but the cat keeps pulling it out.

Sammy: (playing on the computer) And why would I want to take part in that?

* * *

Algebra Beneath Me

Sammy was studying Algebra with Daddy, how to combine like terms.

Daddy: So can you answer this?  (2xy + x + 5xy = 20)

Sammy: (Confused) There’s so many letters! How can I find out what x and y is?

Daddy: We’re not looking for the values, they don’t have any values.

Sammy: Oh. (Glaring at the letters) You are worthless to me!

* * *

Just Checking if Gravity is Always On

Pia was remembering when Sammy broke the swan sculpture she made in school.

Pia: Do you remember the swan? I told you to be careful because if you drop it, it will break.

Sammy: Oh yeah…

Pia: Then when I came back, it was broken.

Sammy: I was playing with it, and then accidentally dropped it, but it didn’t break at first, so I dropped it higher. And it broke!

* * *

Cold Cold Maths

Daddy was teaching Sammy Algebra, how to combine like terms.

Daddy: So if the terms have the same literal coefficients, like in 3x, and 5x, then you can add or subtract the terms. Do you get it?

Sammy: Yes, but I really don’t care.

* * *

Law Abiding Feet

Mummy noticed that Sammy’s feet are stinky.

Mummy: Sammy, how long since you changed your socks?

Sammy: Uhmm…you don’t want to know.

Mummy: Change your socks now.

Sammy: (busy playing at the computer) I can’t…. it’s against the law.

* * *

The Anti-Parent Force Field

Mummy went to the children’s room to place Sammy’s clothes in his cabinet.

Mummy: Sammy, where’s the key to open the window? 

Sammy: I don’t know.

Mummy: We need to open the windows and let fresh air in. Your room smells so stinky.

Sammy: But it’s supposed to smell like that, so that you don’t come in.

* * *

There’s Always A Cloud On Every Silver Lining

Sammy achieved a perfect score in a national maths competition, becoming one of the 1.5% of the 32,000 test takers.

Daddy: Well done Sammy! You know what this means right?

Sammy: What?

Daddy:  Since you’ve shown you can achieve a perfect score, we now expect you to do this every year!

* * *

LIfe Lessons Can Kill You

Mummy takes every opportunity to remind the children how lucky they are by telling stories of how life was hard in our youth. 

One day she and Sammy were together ahead of the others. Suddenly Sammy sprinted away from Mummy and joined up with Daddy.

Daddy: Why did you leave Mummy?

Sammy: She started telling stories about her life…

Daddy: And?

Sammy: So I ran for my life!

* * *

Line is Busy

Mummy wanted to ask Dominic something:

Mummy: Anya are you busy?

Dominic: (In the toilet. No response)

Sammy: (Mimicking the voice of an automated phone attendant) Anya is busy. Please try another line.

* * *