Sammy was reading the short story ‘The Washwoman’ (by Isaac Singer). The poor, old washwoman had a rich son who abandoned her and left her to fend for herself.
Daddy: So, Sammy, when you grow up and become rich, don’t be like that woman’s son and abandon Mummy and me.
Sammy: Actually, I think I will be like that rich son.
Daddy: So, you’ll abandon us?
Sammy: Basically.
* * *
Sammy turned on the internet (actually the cable modem connection to the internet). After a few minutes he notices Daddy turning on his computer.
Sammy: (teasingly) Hey Daddy, I turned on the internet so you don't have to wait 5 minutes for it to turn on. Are you happy?
Daddy: Yes, I'm delirious.... Do you know what 'delirious' means?
Sammy: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Do not try to teach me anything when it's not time to study. I don't want to learn anything new! Don't you dare teach me...
The family has been watching Breaking Bad on DVD. It's Sammy's job to cook rice (Sammy's 11 years old). Sometimes it takes a lot of reminders, especially when he's in front of the computer, which is All.The.Time. He tries to delay having to do the chore by pretending to not know what it is he needs to do.
Daddy: Sammy, cook the rice.
Sammy: Cook meth?
Daddy called the home number from the office. Sammy answered the phone. He knew it was Daddy calling.
Sammy: (In automated voice recorder tone) You have reached Sammy's number. If you want to talk to Sammy, please press '1'. If you are Daddy, please go away. BEEEEEEP.
Sammy was busy playing on the computer. Desperately enjoying the last day of term break (he doesn't know there's one more week of vacation left).
He had just finished doing the Gauss Year 7 exam and Daddy wants to review his mistakes.
Daddy: Sammy, come on, let's review your mistakes.
Sammy: (hard at play on the computer) Daddy, please, you know better than that...
We want Sammy to learn to eat fruit. He avoids them whenever he can. One day he tried out some of the grapefruit Mummy had cut up.
Sammy: (After tasting grapefruit) Eww…How do you even like this? It has terrible aftertaste!
Daddy: I like it.
Sammy: Grapefruit is like the rip-off version of oranges!
* * *
Daddy was stir-frying bitter melons, which Sammy doesn’t like to eat. His favourite is fried rice.
Sammy experiences confusion:
Sammy: Oh it smells so good, like fried rice! But I know it’s not fried rice. It’s something terrible!
* * *
Daddy was getting ready to leave for work.
Sammy: Daddy, in how many minutes are you going?
Daddy: You want to leave the house together? You want to go now? Are you ready?
Sammy: Yes
Daddy: (Noticing Sammy was wearing scruffy pants) Change your pants
Sammy: Don’t care. Next.
Daddy: Put on undies.
Sammy: Don’t care. Next.
Daddy: Did you shower?
Sammy: Don’t care. Next.
Daddy: (Giving up) Let’s go.
* * *
The cat killed a bird. Pia was trying to place the dead bird’s body in a plastic bag but the cat keeps trying to pull it out.
Mummy: Sammy, go help your sister. She’s trying to put the bird in a bag but the cat keeps pulling it out.
Sammy: (playing on the computer) And why would I want to take part in that?
* * *
Sammy was studying Algebra with Daddy, how to combine like terms.
Daddy: So can you answer this? (2xy + x + 5xy = 20)
Sammy: (Confused) There’s so many letters! How can I find out what x and y is?
Daddy: We’re not looking for the values, they don’t have any values.
Sammy: Oh. (Glaring at the letters) You are worthless to me!
* * *
Pia was remembering when Sammy broke the swan sculpture she made in school.
Pia: Do you remember the swan? I told you to be careful because if you drop it, it will break.
Sammy: Oh yeah…
Pia: Then when I came back, it was broken.
Sammy: I was playing with it, and then accidentally dropped it, but it didn’t break at first, so I dropped it higher. And it broke!
* * *
Daddy was teaching Sammy Algebra, how to combine like terms.
Daddy: So if the terms have the same literal coefficients, like in 3x, and 5x, then you can add or subtract the terms. Do you get it?
Sammy: Yes, but I really don’t care.
* * *
Mummy noticed that Sammy’s feet are stinky.
Mummy: Sammy, how long since you changed your socks?
Sammy: Uhmm…you don’t want to know.
Mummy: Change your socks now.
Sammy: (busy playing at the computer) I can’t…. it’s against the law.
* * *
Mummy went to the children’s room to place Sammy’s clothes in his cabinet.
Mummy: Sammy, where’s the key to open the window?
Sammy: I don’t know.
Mummy: We need to open the windows and let fresh air in. Your room smells so stinky.
Sammy: But it’s supposed to smell like that, so that you don’t come in.
* * *
Sammy achieved a perfect score in a national maths competition, becoming one of the 1.5% of the 32,000 test takers.
Daddy: Well done Sammy! You know what this means right?
Sammy: What?
Daddy: Since you’ve shown you can achieve a perfect score, we now expect you to do this every year!
* * *
Mummy takes every opportunity to remind the children how lucky they are by telling stories of how life was hard in our youth.
One day she and Sammy were together ahead of the others. Suddenly Sammy sprinted away from Mummy and joined up with Daddy.
Daddy: Why did you leave Mummy?
Sammy: She started telling stories about her life…
Daddy: And?
Sammy: So I ran for my life!
* * *
Mummy wanted to ask Dominic something:
Mummy: Anya are you busy?
Dominic: (In the toilet. No response)
Sammy: (Mimicking the voice of an automated phone attendant) Anya is busy. Please try another line.
* * *
Sammy was busy playing games at the computer. Daddy was at the kitchen counter. He had just finished chopping garlic, onions, and other veggies, and was about to start cooking lunch.
Daddy: Sammy…
Sammy: WHAT!
Daddy: Can you clean up the countertop?
Sammy: <groan> Oh, all right…
Daddy: Thank you.
Sammy: You’re not very welcome.
* * *
The family was eating roast chicken for lunch and there was some marinade sauce in the chicken’s plastic bag.
Sammy: Oh there’s some left over laminated sauce from the chicken. Can I pour it on my plate?
Daddy: What do you mean?
Sammy: You know how they laminate the chicken before serving it to make it tasty?
Daddy: (Confused) No they don’t laminate the chicken.
Sammy: Yes they do! They do it to make it yummy.
Daddy: No laminate means to cover it with plastic.
Sammy: Oh oops I meant marinade.
(PS: Sammy wrote this blog entry)
* * *
The family went to RMIT University for its Open Day, to check out this university. Two weeks ago Mum and the kids went to the University of Melbourne for a similar event.
While sitting in an auditorium waiting for a talk to begin, Daddy asked Sammy (10 years old) what he thinks about the two Unis:
Daddy: Sammy, which Uni do you prefer? This one or the one you visited last time?
Sammy: (Munching on a Mentos candy) I like this one better.
Daddy: Why?
Sammy: This one gives you more options.
Daddy: (Whoa. ‘Options’. Big word for a child. Is my son a genius?) Options huh? What do you mean?
Sammy: They give out many different lollies. They only had free coffee in the other school. Plus I think they have barbecue every week here.
RMIT it is then.
* * *
One night, it started hailing, making such a loud ruckus around the house. Sammy was worried:
Sammy: Daddy, is that hail?
Daddy: I think so.
Sammy: It feels like the house will collapse!
Sammy: (Addressing the house) BE STRONG! BE CONFIDENT!
* * *
Sammy’s eating lunch:
Mummy: Sammy, do you want some more food?
Sammy: Mummy, you’re making me eat too much. You’re making me fat…are you going to eat me?
* * *
Pia was asking what their nationality was:
Pia: What else are we?
Daddy: Well, we’re also Australian citizens
Pia: But we weren’t born here
Daddy: We immigrated to Australia
Pia: So we’re immigrators?
* * *
Sammy came home from school with a handbag made out of newspaper. Like all handbags made from newspaper, it was pathetic. But Sammy enjoyed learning how to make one.
Daddy: Sammy, get your maths book. We will study now.
Sammy: (creating another paper handbag) There's something more important than studying maths you know.
Daddy: Like what?
Sammy: Making a paper bag.
Pia was practicing solving math word problems. She's a bit rusty.
Pia: Daddy, how many feet in a foot?
Sammy is learning algebra. He’s trying to solve the equation:
2 (X – 12) = X + 12
Sammy: First, multiply the 2, so we get:
2X – 24 = X + 12
Sammy: Then, I remove –24 from one side by adding 24 to both sides:
2X – 24 + 24 = X + 24
2X = 24
X = 12
Dad: That’s wrong. What happened to the 12 on the right side?
Sammy: It died.
* * *
Sometimes Daddy emails Mummy from work to ask if he needs to pick up anything from the supermarket on the way home.
Daddy: (via email) Sweetie, I’m going to buy wholemeal bread, white toast, anything else?
Mummy: (via email) Please buy wholemeal bread, white toast, 6 Big Mac, 20,000 french fries, 8000000 tons of cheese.
(Sammy was using Mummy’s computer at the time, saw Daddy’s email, and tried his luck).
* * *
Several weeks ago, the kids went to the library to play chess against old hands. Though they all played good games, they lost all their games.
One day while walking…
Daddy: (to the kids) Let’s practice chess again. We’re going to the library next week so the three of you can play chess with the old timers there. This time you must decimate them. LIke they totally destroyed you last time.
Domu: Decimate… so beat only 1 in 10?
* * *
Mummy’s homework standards are too high for Sammy. (Sammy’s standards are too low). So they always argue. One day Sammy went into the spare room to do his homework.
Daddy: What are you doing here?
Sammy: I need to stay here. Mummy is in the hallway. The hallway is not secured.
* * *
The family was watching TV one night and someone on TV mentioned ‘Big Apple’.
Sammy: I know what Big Apple is. You guys don’t.
Daddy: What is it?
Sammy: LONDON!
Everyone: No it’s not!
Sammy: I’m so dumb…
* * *
There’s a school affair at Pia’s school. They are inviting the students and their parents to enjoy a barbecue and a meet the teachers. Sammy is always excited when there’s food:
Sammy: Mummy, are we all going to ‘Meet the Barbecue?’
* * *
Sammy wants to heat his sandwich. But he'stoo small to reach the microwave.
Sammy: Daddy, can you heat my food?
Daddy: (Busy cooking) Domu, Pia, can you help Sammy?
No response.
Daddy: Come on, after all he helps you when you need something.
Sammy: No I don't.
She is still waiting for Daddy to unblock the games. She sent a polite follow-up email:
-------------
From: Pia
Subject: WHY YOU LITTLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY I HAVEN"T ...........WHY YOU LITTLE........... ITS ALREADY EATING TIME..................
The children are on school holidays. Usually they play games on the internet before lunch. Today Daddy has forgotten to unblock the games. He's at work.
Pia has learned how to use email:
-----------------
From: Pia
Subject: Hi
You ready to die daddy?
While playing against an opponent in chess.com...
Sammy advances one of his pawns pawn into a square protected by his horse, but attacked by the opponent’s bishop and a pawn.
Sammy: You think I’m dumb? Huh?
The opponent promptly captures Sammy’s pawn.
Sammy: DAMMIT! I’m dumb!
***
Pia has been eagerly waiting the fair, with its rides. One Sunday:
Pia: Daddy, isn’t today the when the rides are?
Daddy: Hmm… you may be right. Let me double-check.
Sammy: (unsure what Daddy just said) “The butt check?”
* * *
One day at lunch:
Sammy: Daddy can you cook some more of your fried rice? I like your fried rice better that Mummy's fried rice.
Daddy: But Mummy makes the best baked macaroni.
Sammy: Achie which do you like better. Mummy's fried rice or Daddy'sfried rice.
Pia: I can't decide. They're both horrible.
Sammy: Daddy, when somebody dies why can't we just eat them instead of burying them? That way we can save some money?
Sammy was playing in the bedroom. Then he comes out and asks Mummy.
Sammy: Mummy, can we buy some gas masks?
Daddy: Why do you need gas masks?
Sammy: Achie keeps on farting.
* * *
The family went biking a couple of months ago. Sammy crashed (mildly) into a post.
Daddy said: “Oops!”.
Big mistake.
Sammy: (crying) I almost died and all you say is “Oops!”?
Daddy: It wasn’t a big crash. You just bumped into a post.
Sammy: What if I kill myself and you will just say “Oops!”? How about if you fall into a hole and die and I say “Oops”. How would you feel? How about if you are hungry and you have no food and you die and I say “Oops.”?
And Sammy went on like that for several hours, giving example upon example.
While having lunch:
Daddy: Sammy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Sammy: A bad guy.
* * *
Sammy’s expression when he’s frustrated is: “I’m gonna kill myself”. Among other things, he gets frustrated when he loses to Dad in chess (who Sammy cannot accept can beat him in chess).
When Sammy loses: “I’m so dumb, I can’t beat anybody in chess. I’m gonna kill myself.”
One day during lunch he got upset because he c, got off his chair and claimed: “I’m gonna kill myself now. I’ll go to the gunshop and kill myself.”
Sammy likes to play chess and has joined chess.com. He wins some games and loses some games. His current rating is about 920. He finds it intriguing what his opponents will think if they find out they’re playing against a 6 year old.
Six-year old Sammy likes to tell on Daddy.
Whenever he sees Daddy putting Maggi seasoning, or ketchup, or mayonnaise on his food, he calls out to Mummy: “MUUUUUMMMMYYYY … Daddy’s putting too much sodium on his fooooood.”
He knows Daddy (like all adults) must watch his sodium intake.
One day, at lunch, Daddy pours oyster sauce on his food:
Sammy: MUUUUUMMMMYYYY…. Daddy’s putting oyster sauce on his food.
Daddy: Just a little bit, Sammy.
Sammy: Mummy says sodium is bad for you
Daddy: That’s right. What is sodium?
Sammy: Sugar.
* * *
Nothing is more frightening than a flushing toilet.
Well, maybe some things are.
Dominic is eleven, and like most eleven year olds (ha ha), the sound of the toilet flushing terrifies him. Before flushing the toilet he opens the door and gets ready to scramble away. When everything is ready and the coast is clears, he presses down on the flush, then scampers away.
If he has to go late at night, when everyone is asleep, then the running is zoomingly fast. During daytime, it’s more like a hurried walk, keen to get away from the scene of the crime as immediately as possible.
When we asked him about this a year ago, he said he’s afraid that a witch will appear in the mirror when he flushes the toilet. Makes sense.
* * *
Sammy has discovered a useful psychological tool to force Daddy and Mummy to act.
Sammy: Daddy, Achie hit me.
Daddy: (reading) Uh-huh.
Sammy: So…, NOTHING?
Daddy: What?
Sammy: So you’re going to do NOTHING?
Another day. Sammy had a painful tummy. Daddy couldn’t do anything except wait for it to pass.
Sammy: So, NOTHING?
Daddy: What?
Sammy: My tummy is painful. So, you will do NOTHING? You’ll just let me die?
* * *
The children were watching ‘The Librarians’. In one scene, the heroes came across an old wooden bridge spanning a wide river, near a waterfall.
Domu: How did people build a bridge across that river?
Sammy: (serious) I know, first they build the bridge. Then when the bridge if finished, they build the waterfall.
* * *
On most school days, by the time the children have waken up, Daddy has already gone off to work.
One day, Daddy was working from home. He was at his computer while the children were having breakfast, unaware that Daddy was home.
Sammy: (suddenly noticing Daddy was home) Daddy! I didn’t know you were alive!
* * *
Domu thinks a lot about maths. Recently, he had been thinking about whether zero multiplied by infinity is 0 or infinity.
While having lunch with the family:
Domu: Daddy, I think I know if zero times infinity is 0 or infinity.
Daddy: How?
Domu: Zero divided by zero is infinity because you can put an infinite number of zeros in zero. So 0 / 0 = infinity. If you multiply both sides by 0, you get 0 = infinity * 0, so infinity * 0 = 0.
Pia: (baffled at what the heck Domu is talking about) Daddy, will I be talking like that when I’m in grade 6?
* * *
Sammy’s very eager to learn. He’s 5 years old and already knows how to multiply and divide and do basic algebra. Examples of Sammy’s homework:
Sammy was working on his math problems. We think his answer to the fish problem is reasonable:
Sammy read a story book from school. Mummy was testing Sammy but Sammy could not understand the meaning of ‘setting’:
Mummy: Sammy, where was the setting of the story?
Sammy: What do you mean “setting”?
Mummy: Where did the story happen?
Sammy: Seriously, what does that mean?
Mummy: I mean, where were the characters when the story happened?
Sammy: In the book!
* * *
Pia made some nice drawings about her 11 days of Christmas (she wasn’t able to finish the 12th)
Sammy was sitting on the sofa. Sammy is annoyed that he can’t use the computer, because Daddy is using it.
Sammy: Daddy, when I feel like I have a lot of fart, I will fart on your face.
* * *
Daddy changed the passwords of the computers to control the children from spending too much time playing on them.
One day during lunch, after having watched the film ‘Anne of Green Gables’ where the children saw Anne’s beloved old friend die from a sudden heart attack:
Sammy: Daddy, I don’t want you to die.
Daddy: Thank you Sammy, but I’m not dying. Why are you afraid I might die?
Sammy: Because if you die, then we can’t use the computer because we don’t know the password.
Daddy: Mummy knows the password.
Sammy: (Relieved) Phew!
* * *
When Sammy spends too much time playing games on the computer, Mummy has to remind him to stop. Sometimes Sammy hates having to stop.
Sammy: Mummy, next time when you don’t let me play the computer, I will hide your mobile phone.
* * *
Sammy sometimes complain of headaches, especially when the weather changes from hot to cool:
Sammy: (Heading to the fridge) My head hurts. I think I need to get some fainting water.
* * *
Daddy and Sammy were looking at two wireless mouses in an electronics catalogue. One was $26 and the other was $59.
Sammy: (pointing at the cheaper one $26) Daddy, why is this only $26?
Daddy: (trying to figure out the difference) Hmm… let’s see… this more expensive one is wireless. That means it can talk to the computer without…
Sammy: Without a telephone?
* * *
Once in a while, when Sammy plays a computer game and gets so focused at it, he forgets to answer the call of nature (he starts pooing in his pants).
It used to happen quite often, but not much anymore. Except last night it happened again:
Daddy: (carrying Sammy to the toilet) Sammy! Why did you poo in your pants? Didn’t you know it was coming?
Sammy: Daddy! If we don’t make mistakes, we don’t learn!
* * *
Daddy and Mummy were watching Frasier on the computer. Sammy walks up to them:
Sammy: Daddy, you might die.
Daddy: (?!?!) What do you mean I might die?
Sammy: We are running out of oil.
Daddy: (At first thinking that Sammy was watching a documentary about the earth running out of oil, but: a) Sammy is 5 years old, b) They were watching ‘Surf’s Up!’) What do you mean oil?
Sammy: The oil we use to make food!
Mummy: Oh, you mean cooking oil?
Sammy: Yes! We have only very little left, and if we run out we cannot cook food anymore!
Daddy: If we run out of cooking oil we can just go to the grocery to buy more.
Sammy: (Relieved) Oh, phew!
* * *
Domu did very in the Australasian Maths Olympiad. Yesterday the school principal handed him 3 awards: a patch for achieving a score in the top 25% nationwide, a medal for achieving a score in the top 10% nationwide, and a trophy for achieving the highest individual score in his school. Well done!
* * *
The children love playing ‘World of Goo’. They also like playing mindless shoot the aliens games.
Sammy: I’m going to play World of Goo
Daddy: That’s good. I like World of Goo.
Sammy: Why do you like World of Goo?
Daddy: Because it’s educational. It makes you think and use your head. Not like the other games you play where you just shoot enemies.
Sammy: Daddy, the less the games teach you, the more fun they are.
* * *
Mummy has been teaching Sammy how to multiply. He now knows at least the times 2, times 3, times 5, and times 10 tables.
One day…Daddy was washing dishes. Sammy was standing beside the fridge.
Sammy: Daddy, I already know the times 4 table. You can test me.
Daddy: Ok, 4 x 4?
Sammy: (looks to one side of the fridge and thinks a couple of seconds) 16!
Daddy: 4 x 7?
Sammy: (looks to one side of the fridge and thinks a couple of seconds) 28!
Daddy: Very good.
The next day, Daddy discovers there is a multiplication table pasted on the side of the fridge where Sammy was “thinking”
* * *
Daddy was reading a Bible story to the children during bedtime.
Daddy: “Jesus went to the sea. A multitude of people followed him. Some came from Galilee..” Where did some of the people come from?
Pia: The gallery?
* * *
Sammy is bored and is asking Daddy what he can do.
Sammy: Daddy, what can I do?
Mummy: Come Sammy, lets’ play chess.
Sammy: I don’t want to play chess.
Daddy: Why don’t you like to play chess?
Sammy: (whispering) I already know how to beat Mummy
* * *
Domu and Pia are using one computer. Mummy is using the other computer. Daddy is watching TV.
But Sammy has go nothing to do.
Sammy: Mummy, what can I do?
Mummy: Why don’t you play computer?
Sammy: Achie and Anya are using the computer (starts walking around the living room) All I can do is walk. It’s so boring.
* * *
After learning how chess pieces move, about three months ago, Sammy beat Daddy.
A few weeks later he was able to checkmate Mummy! But Sammy is a benevolent winner:
Sammy: Mummy, if you want to be trained by me, we must play chess again.
* * *
The family was watching Karate Kid (starring Jaden Smith as ‘Dre’).
Dre and his Mum had moved to China less than a week ago, but Dre was having a tough time with big Kung Fu bullies in school.
In the street with his Mum:
Dre: (crying) I want to go home!
Dre’s Mum: THIS is home, Dre.
Sammy: (confused - Dre and his Mum were outside, in the street) That’s not home! They’re outside!
* * *
Sammy beat at chess Daddy once. Then Daddy beat Sammy. The score is 1-1.
It’s time for championship game. Daddy beat Sammy. Sammy starts crying.
Daddy: Don’t cry. You can’t always win. How can you win? I’ve been playing for twenty years. You’ve only been playing for 2 days, so how can you win?
Sammy: Not 2 days! 3 days!
* * *
Sammy at age 4 (going on 5) has discovered chess. He knows the moves now and is poring through a book by Bobby Fischer.
After playing with Daddy and ‘beating’ Daddy, Sammy promises to take it easier next time:
Sammy: Daddy, next time when we play chess I will play “easy”, ok. I won’t play “hard”.
* * *
Mummy was telling the kids about teeth, and that they should take care of their baby teeth. Sammy runs to Daddy:
Sammy: Daddy, OH MY GOSH!
Daddy: What?
Sammy: All my teeth are baby teeth!
* * *
Mummy baked some muffins. Chocolate flavoured ones. Cinammon / orange flavoured ones. Orange flavoured ones.
Sammy and Pia were having some:
Mummy: Sammy, do you like the muffins?
Sammy: Yes! I love them. So yummy!
A few minutes later:
Mummy: Sammy, do you want some more muffins?
Sammy: I don’t like it anymore. I think I’m going to vomit.
* * *
Daddy was having dinner (he eats dinner alone on weeknights because everyone has already eaten by the time he comes home from work)
Pia: Daddy, look at my handbag. It’s got everything I need: my sunglasses, my pen, my notebook, my vulture…
* * *
Pia loves horses. She also loves to write stories. But her spelling needs improvement.
She drafted a story with the interesting title:
The Hores Who Ran Away from the Big Bad Wolf
* * *
The 3 theological virtues are: faith, hope, charity (or love). The children were finding the 3 words strange-sounding while they tried to memorise them:
Daddy: Pia, what are the 3 theological virtues?
Pia: (thinking)… hate … hope … charity?
* * *
The children were learning about the 3 theological virtues: faith, hope, and charity. Three strange words. The children were struggling to remember them:
Daddy: Sammy, what are the 3 theological virtues?
Sammy: Fake… hope… charity
* * *
The children were playing with a toy yacht construction set. It had hundreds of small plastic parts which interconnect.
Sammy built a 15-inch long stick which bends when you wave it.
Sammy: (waving his wand) Daddy! Mummy! Look! It’s like rubber…
(Then he noticed that it wasn’t bending at all).
Sammy: … but it doesn’t do much rubbing
* * *
Mummy and the kids were walking to the nearby playground.
It was about 4pm, but the moon was visible. Sammy noticed the moon was shaped like a crescent:
Sammy: Look! Someone cut the moon!
* * *
Mummy is thinking of what to cook for dinner tonight.
Mummy: I think I have to take out the pork from the freezer so we can cook it later.
Pia: What’s “pork” ?
Sammy: Fish!
* * *
There’s a large DIY hardware shop in Australia called ‘Bunning’s Warehouse.’ They sometimes have workshops for kids. We brought the children once and they liked it.
One day:
Sammy: Mummy, when can we go again to Bunny’s Warehouse?
* * *
Four-year old Sammy approaches Daddy:
Sammy: Daddy…
Daddy: Yes?
Sammy: I want to rock and roll.
* * *
After watching Jackie Chan’s movie, “The Spy Next Door”, the children want to be spies when they grow up:
Pia: Daddy, do spies have to work at night?
Daddy: Sometimes.
Pia: Oh, I don’t want to go out at night.
Daddy: Why?
Pia: I might touch some web! I’m afraid of webs.
* * *
The children love Jackie Chan’s movie, “The Spy Next Door”. They all want to be ‘spies’ when they grow up.
Pia: Daddy, I want to be a spy when I grow up.
Daddy: Ok.
Pia: Do spies always have to work at night?
Daddy: Sometimes. Why?
Pia: I’m afraid of the dark.
* * *
The children have to take their NAPLAN tests soon, and we are busy preparing them. Pia has to type out the 1000 most common words in English, to help her remember their spelling:
Pia: (after taking 1 hour to type just 20 of the words) Oh… this is so boring! This will take forever!
Daddy: Just keep on typing.
Pia: I want to punch you!
* * *
Sammy likes to play soccer. One night:
Sammy: Mummy, can we play football?
Mummy: It’s already late Sammy. We can play tomorrow.
Sammy: Ok
The next day. Sunday. 8:00 am. Sammy tiptoes into Mummy and Daddy’s room. Mummy’s still asleep.
Sammy: (whispering into Mummy’s ear) Mummy… can we play football now?
* * *
Sammy was looking for a toy he had been playing with. It was at Daddy’s desk earlier.
Sammy: Daddy, did you see the toy I put on your desk?
Daddy: You took it from my desk.
Sammy: Do you know where I put it?
Daddy: No.
(Sammy keeps looking nearby, then suddenly sees where had misplaced it)
Sammy: Doh! There it is. I’m a silly old man!
* * *
Sammy was still thinking about the cute baby he saw the other day.
Sammy: Daddy, when I grow up will I be a Mummy and have a baby?
Daddy: No, you will be a Daddy.
Sammy: But how do you know? I might be a girl when I grow up.
Daddy: You don’t change when you grow up. When boys grow up they become men. When girls grow up they become women.
Sammy: Oh.
* * *
At church. Sammy was very much fascinated with a cute baby behind us.
He leans over to Daddy, whispering softly while still looking at the baby:
Sammy: Daddy…
Daddy: Yes?
Sammy: When can I have a baby?
* * *
When the children make offense, sometimes they write an apology and hand it to the other person, or post it on a wall in the house. So sometimes Pia will write “Mummy, sorry for not finishing my lunch”
One day, Sammy comes to Daddy with pencil and paper. He is going to write a sorry letter.
Sammy: Daddy, how do you spell “I’m”?
Daddy: I – apostrophe – M
Sammy: How do you spell “sorry”?
Daddy: S-O-R-R-Y
Sammy: How do you spell “I made”
Daddy: I – M-A-D-E
Sammy: How do you spell “poison ball”?
* * *
Pia grabs Daddys legs, and tries to pull him to the ground.
Daddy: Stop it!
Pia: I’m trying to see if I can kill you.
* * *
Bedtime. Pia seems unsettled, trying to think of how to ask a question that’s been on her mind for a while.
Pia: Daddy… uhm…
Daddy: Yes?
Pia: Why do you and Mummy fart so much?
* * *
One Sunday after watching a movie at the theatre, we went to the supermarket. Some biscuit snacks (Shapes) were on sale, so we bought 10 boxes, to be used when the occassion calls for snacks (like the Friday family movie night).
Later that night, Sammy wanted to convince Mummy that we should have some of the biscuits. After all, it’s all bought and paid for:
Sammy: Mummy can we eat the Shapes?
Mummy: That’s for later
Sammy: Muuuuuummmmmyyyyyy! If we pay for it, that means we have to eat it!
* * *
4 year old Sammy likes to play at fighting with Daddy. He will call out ‘Wiiiiiiiiing Chun!’ and then the attack commences.
During one encounter, Daddy made it so that the encounter resulted in Sammy being separated from the clothes he was wearing. It was a traumatic experience for Sammy, and he hates being reminded of it.
One day:
Sammy: Wiiiiiiiiing Chun!
Daddy: (tired and not in the mood) Remember the last time we fought? What happened to your clothes
Sammy: (Grrrrr!) If you do that to me again, I will pull out your lungs!
* * *
Time for Daddy and Sammy to pick up Domu and Pia from school.
Daddy: Sammy, change your clothes now, we have to pick up Achie and Anya. Hurry up!
Sammy: OK, but I can’t be very fast ok? I’m only 4 years old.
(Later, Sammy emerges with outdoor clothes)
Daddy: Good job Sammy! But your shirt is backwards
Sammy: Doh! Can you help me make it frontwards?
(A check later shows ‘frontwards’ is in the dictionary)
* * *
Pia is preparing for he NAPLAN exams. We want to make sure her math is solid. School has just started after a month and a half of Christmas vacation, so she’s rusty.
She has to multiply 73 x 72. Multiplying 7 x 2, she knows the answer is 14, but not sure whether to write down the ‘4’ or the ‘1’.
Pia: Daddy, should I write the four or the teen?
* * *
…if she knows what’s good for her.
Daddy and Pia were talking one day:
Pia: Daddy, are there things that don’t burn?
Daddy: (delighted that Pia is asking about science) Well, everything burns, except they burn at different temperatures. For example, a small flame will burn your hair, but it won’t burn this spoon.
Pia: It won’t burn?
Daddy: No
Pia: (eyes light up) Then I can play with fire!
* * *
The children very much like to play at the dining table while eating lunch or dinner or breakfast. It drives us nuts because it takes them two hours just to finish up eating.
At lunch one day, Sammy was playing at the table:
Mummy: Sammy! Will you stop playing please! Eat your food!
Sammy: Muuuummmmeeeeeee! I can be evil if I want to!
* * *
