Really really really really young Dad

At church. Sammy was very much fascinated with a cute baby behind us. 

He leans over to Daddy, whispering softly while still looking at the baby:

Sammy: Daddy…

Daddy: Yes?

Sammy: When can I have a baby?

* * *

Message from the heart

When the children make offense, sometimes they write an apology and hand it to the other person, or post it on a wall in the house.  So sometimes Pia will write “Mummy, sorry for not finishing my lunch”

One day, Sammy comes to Daddy with pencil and paper.  He is going to write a sorry letter.

Sammy: Daddy, how do you spell “I’m”?

Daddy: I – apostrophe – M

Sammy: How do you spell “sorry”?

Daddy: S-O-R-R-Y

Sammy: How do you spell “I made”

Daddy: I – M-A-D-E

Sammy: How do you spell “poison ball”?

* * *

Attempting Murder

Pia grabs Daddys legs, and tries to pull him to the ground.

Daddy: Stop it!

Pia: I’m trying to see if I can kill you.

* * *

Question

Bedtime.  Pia seems unsettled, trying to think of how to ask a question that’s been on her mind for a while.

Pia: Daddy… uhm…

Daddy: Yes?

Pia: Why do you and Mummy fart so much?

* * *

Why we have to eat

One Sunday after watching a movie at the theatre, we went to the supermarket. Some biscuit snacks (Shapes) were on sale, so we bought 10 boxes, to be used when the occassion calls for snacks (like the Friday family movie night).

Later that night, Sammy wanted to convince Mummy that we should have some of the biscuits. After all, it’s all bought and paid for:

Sammy: Mummy can we eat the Shapes?

Mummy: That’s for later

Sammy: Muuuuuummmmmyyyyyy!  If we pay for it, that means we have to eat it!

* * *

Tough Guy

4 year old Sammy likes to play at fighting with Daddy.  He will call out ‘Wiiiiiiiiing Chun!’ and then the attack commences.

During one encounter, Daddy made it so that the encounter resulted in Sammy being separated from the clothes he was wearing.  It was a traumatic experience for Sammy, and he hates being reminded of it.

One day:

Sammy: Wiiiiiiiiing Chun!

Daddy: (tired and not in the mood) Remember the last time we fought? What happened to your clothes

Sammy: (Grrrrr!) If you do that to me again, I will pull out your lungs!

* * *

Words that should be in the dictionary but are

Time for Daddy and Sammy to pick up Domu and Pia from school. 

Daddy: Sammy, change your clothes now, we have to pick up Achie and Anya.  Hurry up!

Sammy: OK, but I can’t be very fast ok?  I’m only 4 years old.

(Later, Sammy emerges with outdoor clothes)

Daddy: Good job Sammy! But your shirt is backwards

Sammy: Doh!  Can you help me make it frontwards?

(A check later shows ‘frontwards’ is in the dictionary)

* * *

Teen Math

Pia is preparing for he NAPLAN exams.  We want to make sure her math is solid.  School has just started after a month and a half of Christmas vacation, so she’s rusty.

She has to multiply 73 x 72. Multiplying 7 x 2, she knows the answer is 14, but not sure  whether to write down the ‘4’ or the ‘1’.

Pia: Daddy, should I write the four or the teen?

* * *

The Girl Who Will Not Play With Fire

…if she knows what’s good for her.

Daddy and Pia were talking one day:

Pia: Daddy, are there things that don’t burn?

Daddy: (delighted that Pia is asking about science) Well, everything burns, except they burn at different temperatures.  For example, a small flame will burn your hair, but it won’t burn this spoon.

Pia: It won’t burn?

Daddy: No

Pia: (eyes light up) Then I can play with fire!

* * *

Beyond Naughty

The children very much like to play at the dining table while eating lunch or dinner or breakfast. It drives us nuts because it takes them two hours just to finish up eating.

At lunch one day, Sammy was playing at the table:

Mummy: Sammy! Will you stop playing please! Eat your food!

Sammy: Muuuummmmeeeeeee!  I can be evil if I want to!

* * *

A Special Hug

Mummy and Sammy are sitting on the sofa watching TV.  Mummy hugs Sammy:

Sammy: Smelly Mama!

* * *

Uncommon Idioms

Sammy likes to try out new idioms he hears:

Sammy: Achie, don’t be such a baby cry!

* * *

The Evil that Mums Do

The children sometimes drive us nuts.  It takes ten reminders to make them brush their teeth, ten reminder to not play while eating.  Sometimes Mummy uses a stern voice:

Mummy:  Sammy, finish your food now.

Sammy: Mu…mmeee….you don’t have to be so evil!

* * *

I’ve Forgotten More Than I Know

The children are on school holidays for a month but school will be back in a couple of weeks. We gave Sammy some written math assignments (3+4, 7+8, 9+3, etc.).

When Mummy came to check his work:

Mummy: Sammy, why didn’t you write anything?  Have you forgotten how to add?  What’s 2+3?

Sammy: Mummy!  I know 2+3. It’s 5!

Mummy: So why didn’t you write it down?

Sammy: I forgot how to write the numbers.

* * *

In the Company of Monsters

Pia has been having problems sleeping.  She keeps getting bad dreams.    Even though she sleeps in the same bedroom as Domu and Sammy, she still wants to sleep with Mummy and Daddy.

One night, she fell asleep in the sofa in the living room and slept there the whole night, all by herself.

The next day:

Pia: Daddy, can I sleep in the sofa again tonight?

Daddy: (surprised) But won’t you get scared?

Pia: No.

Daddy: Why don’t you sleep in your bedroom?  At least Domu and Sammy are there with you when you get another bad dream.

Pia: I want to sleep here in the sofa.

Daddy: Even if you’re alone?

Pia: Yes.

Daddy: Won’t you be less scared if you are with Domu and Sammy?

Pia: No.

Daddy: Why not?

Pia: Because whenever I have a bad dream, in my dream Domu and Sammy are the monsters!

* * *

Nancy Drew

Pia and Sammy are playing, hiding around the sofa. But they have lots of stuff lying around.

Mummy: Sammy! Pia! Pack up your mess before you continue playing.

Pia: Mummy, we’re not playing!  We’re solving a mystery!

* * *

Good Grooming

Lunchtime.  As always, Pia is taking her time to finish.  She’s now rubbing her spoon back and forth against her upper row of teeth.

Mummy: Pia, what are you doing?

Pia: I’m sharpening my teeth!

* * *

The Weight of the World

Sammy played with his toys but didn’t pick up the mess afterwards.

Mummy: Sammy, pack up your toys now.

Sammy: But Achie has to help me

Mummy: No, you made the mess yourself.  You have to pack up yourself.

Sammy: (Grumbling) Ohhh, why do I have to pack up the whole world!

* * *

Vegie Zombie Apocalypse

Bedtime. Sammy asks Daddy a question:

Sammy: Daddy, if all the people became brocolli, what would you do?

* * *

Zen Question

Sammy approaches Daddy with a zen question:

Sammy: Daddy, if there’s a Ninja and no one can see him, is he still a Ninja?

* * *