Watch Your Diet / What’s Your Diet

Six-year old Sammy likes to tell on Daddy.

Whenever he sees Daddy putting Maggi seasoning, or ketchup, or mayonnaise on his food, he calls out to Mummy: “MUUUUUMMMMYYYY … Daddy’s putting too much sodium on his fooooood.” 

He knows Daddy (like all adults) must watch his sodium intake. 

One day, at lunch, Daddy pours oyster sauce on his food:

Sammy: MUUUUUMMMMYYYY…. Daddy’s putting oyster sauce on his food.

Daddy: Just a little bit, Sammy.

Sammy: Mummy says sodium is bad for you

Daddy: That’s right.  What is sodium?

Sammy: Sugar.

* * *

The Flush

Nothing is more frightening than a flushing toilet.

Well, maybe some things are.

Dominic is eleven, and like most eleven year olds (ha ha), the sound of the toilet flushing terrifies him.  Before flushing the toilet he opens the door and gets ready to scramble away.  When everything is ready and the coast is clears, he presses down on the flush, then scampers away.

If he has to go late at night, when everyone is asleep, then the running is zoomingly fast.  During daytime, it’s more like a hurried walk, keen to get away from the scene of the crime as immediately as possible.  

When we asked him about this a year ago, he said he’s afraid that a witch will appear in the mirror when he flushes the toilet.  Makes sense.

* * *

Nothing?

Sammy has discovered a useful psychological tool to force Daddy and Mummy to act.

Sammy: Daddy, Achie hit me.

Daddy: (reading) Uh-huh.

Sammy: So…, NOTHING?

Daddy: What?

Sammy: So you’re going to do NOTHING?

Another day.  Sammy had a painful tummy.  Daddy couldn’t do anything except wait for it to pass.

Sammy: So, NOTHING?

Daddy: What?

Sammy: My tummy is painful. So, you will do NOTHING?  You’ll just let me die?

* * *

How to Build a Bridge

The children were watching ‘The Librarians’.  In one scene, the heroes came across an old wooden bridge spanning a wide river, near a waterfall.

Domu: How did people build a bridge across that river?

Sammy: (serious) I know, first they build the bridge.  Then when the bridge if finished, they build the waterfall.

* * *

The daily miracle of being alive

On most school days, by the time the children have waken up, Daddy has already gone off to work.

One day, Daddy was working from home.  He was at his computer while the children were having breakfast, unaware that Daddy was home.

Sammy: (suddenly noticing Daddy was home) Daddy!  I didn’t know you were alive!

* * *

To Infinity and beyond Grade 4

Domu thinks a lot about maths.  Recently, he had been thinking about whether zero multiplied by infinity is 0 or infinity.

While having lunch with the family:

Domu: Daddy, I think I know if zero times infinity is 0 or infinity.

Daddy: How?

Domu: Zero divided by zero is infinity because you can put an infinite number of zeros in zero.  So 0 / 0 = infinity.  If you multiply both sides by 0, you get 0 = infinity * 0, so infinity * 0 = 0.

Pia: (baffled at what the heck Domu is talking about) Daddy, will I be talking like that when I’m in grade 6?

* * *

Sammy’s Homework

Sammy’s very eager to learn.  He’s 5 years old and already knows how to multiply and divide and do basic algebra. Examples of Sammy’s homework:

 

Fractions

Sammy was working on his math problems.  We think his answer to the fish problem is reasonable:

* * *

Setting of the Story

Sammy read a story book from school.  Mummy was testing Sammy but Sammy could not understand the meaning of ‘setting’:

Mummy: Sammy, where was the setting of the story?

Sammy: What do you mean “setting”?

Mummy: Where did the story happen?

Sammy: Seriously, what does that mean?

Mummy: I mean, where were the characters when the story happened?

Sammy: In the book!

* * *

Drawing – 11 Days of Christmas

Pia made some nice drawings about her 11 days of Christmas (she wasn’t able to finish the 12th)

 

Pia’s Drawing–3rd Day of Christmas

 

Pia’s Drawing – 2nd Day of Christmas

 

Threat

Sammy was sitting on the sofa. Sammy is annoyed that he can’t use the computer, because Daddy is using it.

Sammy: Daddy, when I feel like I have a lot of fart, I will fart on your face.

* * *

A Child’s Pure Love

Daddy changed the passwords of the computers to control the children from spending too much time playing on them.

One day during lunch, after having watched the film ‘Anne of Green Gables’ where the children saw Anne’s beloved old friend die from a sudden heart attack:

Sammy: Daddy, I don’t want you to die.

Daddy: Thank you Sammy, but I’m not dying.  Why are you afraid I might die?

Sammy: Because if you die, then we can’t use the computer because we don’t know the password.

Daddy: Mummy knows the password.

Sammy: (Relieved) Phew!

* * *

Behaviour Control

When Sammy spends too much time playing games on the computer, Mummy has to remind him to stop. Sometimes Sammy hates having to stop.

Sammy: Mummy, next time when you don’t let me play the computer, I will hide your mobile phone.

* * *

Magic Water

Sammy sometimes complain of headaches, especially when the weather changes from hot to cool:

Sammy: (Heading to the fridge) My head hurts.  I think I need to get some fainting water.

* * *

How a Wireless Mouse Works

Daddy and Sammy were looking at two wireless mouses in an electronics catalogue.  One was $26 and the other was $59.

Sammy: (pointing at the cheaper one $26) Daddy, why is this only $26?

Daddy: (trying to figure out the difference) Hmm… let’s see… this more expensive one is wireless.  That means it can talk to the computer without…

Sammy: Without a telephone?

* * *

Toilet Aphorism

Once in a while, when Sammy plays a computer game and gets so focused at it,  he forgets to answer the call of nature (he starts pooing in his pants). 

It used to happen quite often, but not much anymore. Except last night it happened again:

Daddy: (carrying Sammy to the toilet) Sammy!  Why did you poo in your pants?  Didn’t you know it was coming?

Sammy: Daddy!  If we don’t make mistakes, we don’t learn!

* * *

Oil Crisis

Daddy and Mummy were watching Frasier on the computer.  Sammy walks up to them:

Sammy: Daddy, you might die.

Daddy: (?!?!) What do you mean I might die?

Sammy: We are running out of oil.

Daddy: (At first thinking that Sammy was watching a documentary about the earth running out of oil, but: a) Sammy is 5 years old, b) They were watching ‘Surf’s Up!’) What do you mean oil?

Sammy: The oil we use to make food!

Mummy: Oh, you mean cooking oil?

Sammy: Yes! We have only very little left, and if we run out we cannot cook food anymore!

Daddy: If we run out of cooking oil we can just go to the grocery to buy more.

Sammy: (Relieved) Oh, phew!

* * *

Trophy and Medal

Domu did very in the Australasian Maths Olympiad. Yesterday the school principal handed him 3 awards:  a patch for achieving a score in the top 25% nationwide, a medal for achieving a score in the top 10% nationwide, and a trophy for achieving the highest individual score in his school.  Well done!

* * *

Games

The children love playing ‘World of Goo’. They also like playing mindless shoot the aliens games.

Sammy: I’m going to play World of Goo

Daddy: That’s good.  I like World of Goo.

Sammy: Why do you like World of Goo?

Daddy: Because it’s educational.  It makes you think and use your head.  Not like the other games you play where you just shoot enemies.

Sammy: Daddy, the less the games teach you, the more fun they are.

* * *

Mathemagician

Mummy has been teaching Sammy how to multiply.  He now knows at least the times 2, times 3, times 5, and times 10 tables.

One day…Daddy was washing dishes.  Sammy was standing beside the fridge.

Sammy: Daddy, I already know the times 4 table.  You can test me.

Daddy: Ok, 4 x 4?

Sammy: (looks to one side of the fridge and thinks a couple of seconds) 16!

Daddy: 4 x 7?

Sammy: (looks to one side of the fridge and thinks a couple of seconds) 28!

Daddy: Very good. 

The next day, Daddy discovers there is a multiplication table pasted on the side of the fridge where Sammy was “thinking”

* * *

Not quite right, but not quite wrong

Daddy was reading a Bible story to the children during bedtime.

Daddy: “Jesus went to the sea. A multitude of people followed him. Some came from Galilee..” Where did some of the people come from?

Pia: The gallery?

* * *

Bubby Fischer Declines a Match

Sammy is bored and is asking Daddy what he can do.

Sammy: Daddy, what can I do?

Mummy: Come Sammy, lets’ play chess.

Sammy: I don’t want to play chess.

Daddy: Why don’t you like to play chess?

Sammy: (whispering) I already know how to beat Mummy

* * *

Unexciting Walk

Domu and Pia are using one computer.  Mummy is using the other computer.  Daddy is watching TV.

But Sammy has go nothing to do.

Sammy: Mummy, what can I do?

Mummy: Why don’t you play computer?

Sammy: Achie and Anya are using the computer (starts walking around the living room) All I can do is walk.  It’s so boring.

* * *

Chess Trainer

After learning how chess pieces move, about three months ago, Sammy beat Daddy.

A few weeks later he was able to checkmate Mummy! But Sammy is a benevolent winner:

Sammy: Mummy, if you want to be trained by me, we must play chess again.

* * *

This is no place like home

The family was watching Karate Kid (starring Jaden Smith as ‘Dre’).

Dre and his Mum had moved to China less than a week ago, but Dre was having a tough time with big Kung Fu bullies in school.

In the street with his Mum:

Dre: (crying) I want to go home!

Dre’s Mum: THIS is home, Dre.

Sammy: (confused - Dre and his Mum were outside, in the street) That’s not home! They’re outside!

* * *

Bubby Fischer a Lifetime of Experience

Sammy beat at chess Daddy once.  Then Daddy beat Sammy. The score is 1-1.

It’s time for championship game.  Daddy beat Sammy.  Sammy starts crying.

Daddy: Don’t cry. You can’t always win.  How can you win? I’ve been playing for twenty years. You’ve only been playing for 2 days, so how can you win?

Sammy: Not 2 days! 3 days!

* * *

Bubby Fischer

Sammy at age 4 (going on 5) has discovered chess.  He knows the moves now and is poring through a book by Bobby Fischer.

After playing with Daddy and ‘beating’ Daddy, Sammy promises to take it easier next time:

Sammy: Daddy, next time when we play chess I will play “easy”, ok. I won’t play “hard”.

* * *

Oh My Gosh

Mummy was telling the kids about teeth, and that they should take care of their baby teeth.  Sammy runs to Daddy:

Sammy: Daddy, OH MY GOSH!

Daddy: What?

Sammy: All my teeth are baby teeth!

* * *

Muffins

Mummy baked some muffins.  Chocolate flavoured ones. Cinammon / orange flavoured ones. Orange flavoured ones.

Sammy and Pia were having some:

Mummy: Sammy, do you like the muffins?

Sammy: Yes! I love them. So yummy!

A few minutes later:

Mummy: Sammy, do you want some more muffins?

Sammy: I don’t like it anymore. I think I’m going to vomit.

* * *

Handbag

Daddy was having dinner (he eats dinner alone on weeknights because everyone has already eaten by the time he comes home from work)

Pia: Daddy, look at my handbag.  It’s got everything I need: my sunglasses, my pen, my notebook, my vulture…

* * *

The Stoyr Wirter

Pia loves horses.  She also loves to write stories. But her spelling needs improvement.

She drafted a story with the interesting title:

 

The Hores Who Ran Away from the Big Bad Wolf

* * *

Faith, Hope, and Charity 2

The 3 theological virtues are: faith, hope, charity (or love).  The children were finding the 3 words strange-sounding while they tried to memorise them:

Daddy: Pia, what are the 3 theological virtues?

Pia: (thinking)… hate … hope … charity?

* * *

Faith, Hope, and Charity

The children were learning about the 3 theological virtues: faith, hope, and charity.  Three strange words. The children were struggling to remember them:

Daddy: Sammy, what are the 3 theological virtues?

Sammy: Fake… hope… charity

* * *

There’s the Rub

The children were playing with a toy yacht construction set.  It had hundreds of small plastic parts which interconnect. 

Sammy built a 15-inch long stick which bends when you wave it.

Sammy: (waving his wand) Daddy! Mummy! Look! It’s like rubber…

(Then he noticed that it wasn’t bending at all).

Sammy: … but it doesn’t do much rubbing

* * *

Moon

Mummy and the kids were walking to the nearby playground. 

It was about 4pm, but the moon was visible.  Sammy noticed the moon was shaped like a crescent:

Sammy: Look!  Someone cut the moon!

* * *

Future Master Chefs

Mummy is thinking of what to cook for dinner tonight.

Mummy: I think I have to take out the pork from the freezer so we can cook it later.

Pia: What’s “pork” ?

Sammy: Fish!

* * *

Let’s hop to the hardware

There’s a large DIY hardware shop in Australia called ‘Bunning’s Warehouse.’  They sometimes have workshops for kids. We brought the children once and they liked it.

One day:

Sammy: Mummy, when can we go again to Bunny’s Warehouse?

* * *

Baby Boomer

Four-year old Sammy approaches Daddy:

Sammy: Daddy…

Daddy: Yes?

Sammy: I want to rock and roll.

* * *

Spy Web

After watching Jackie Chan’s movie, “The Spy Next Door”, the children want to be spies when they grow up:

Pia: Daddy, do spies have to work at night?

Daddy: Sometimes.

Pia: Oh, I don’t want to go out at night.

Daddy: Why?

Pia: I might touch some web!  I’m afraid of webs.

* * *

Spy

The children love Jackie Chan’s movie, “The Spy Next Door”.  They all want to be ‘spies’ when they grow up.

Pia: Daddy, I want to be a spy when I grow up.

Daddy: Ok.

Pia: Do spies always have to work at night?

Daddy: Sometimes.  Why?

Pia: I’m afraid of the dark.

* * *

Boring Homework

The children have to take their NAPLAN tests soon, and we are busy preparing them.  Pia has to type out the 1000 most common words in English, to help her remember their spelling:

Pia: (after taking 1 hour to type just 20 of the words) Oh…  this is so boring!  This will take forever!

Daddy: Just keep on typing.

Pia: I want to punch you!

* * *

Early Morning Soccer

Sammy likes to play soccer. One night:

Sammy: Mummy, can we play football?

Mummy: It’s already late Sammy.  We can play tomorrow.

Sammy: Ok

The next day. Sunday. 8:00 am.  Sammy tiptoes into Mummy and Daddy’s room. Mummy’s still asleep. 

Sammy: (whispering into Mummy’s ear) Mummy… can we play football now?

* * *

Getting older

Sammy was looking for a toy he had been playing with. It was at Daddy’s desk earlier.

Sammy: Daddy, did you see the toy I put on your desk?

Daddy: You took it from my desk.

Sammy: Do you know where I put it?

Daddy: No.

(Sammy keeps looking nearby, then suddenly sees where had misplaced it)

Sammy: Doh! There it is.  I’m a silly old man!

* * *

Boys Become Daddies, Girls Become Mummies

Sammy was still thinking about the cute baby he saw the other day.

Sammy: Daddy, when I grow up will I be a Mummy and have a baby?

Daddy: No, you will be a Daddy.

Sammy: But how do you know?  I might be a girl when I grow up.

Daddy: You don’t change when you grow up. When boys grow up they become men.  When girls grow up they become women.

Sammy: Oh.

* * *

Really really really really young Dad

At church. Sammy was very much fascinated with a cute baby behind us. 

He leans over to Daddy, whispering softly while still looking at the baby:

Sammy: Daddy…

Daddy: Yes?

Sammy: When can I have a baby?

* * *

Message from the heart

When the children make offense, sometimes they write an apology and hand it to the other person, or post it on a wall in the house.  So sometimes Pia will write “Mummy, sorry for not finishing my lunch”

One day, Sammy comes to Daddy with pencil and paper.  He is going to write a sorry letter.

Sammy: Daddy, how do you spell “I’m”?

Daddy: I – apostrophe – M

Sammy: How do you spell “sorry”?

Daddy: S-O-R-R-Y

Sammy: How do you spell “I made”

Daddy: I – M-A-D-E

Sammy: How do you spell “poison ball”?

* * *

Attempting Murder

Pia grabs Daddys legs, and tries to pull him to the ground.

Daddy: Stop it!

Pia: I’m trying to see if I can kill you.

* * *

Question

Bedtime.  Pia seems unsettled, trying to think of how to ask a question that’s been on her mind for a while.

Pia: Daddy… uhm…

Daddy: Yes?

Pia: Why do you and Mummy fart so much?

* * *

Why we have to eat

One Sunday after watching a movie at the theatre, we went to the supermarket. Some biscuit snacks (Shapes) were on sale, so we bought 10 boxes, to be used when the occassion calls for snacks (like the Friday family movie night).

Later that night, Sammy wanted to convince Mummy that we should have some of the biscuits. After all, it’s all bought and paid for:

Sammy: Mummy can we eat the Shapes?

Mummy: That’s for later

Sammy: Muuuuuummmmmyyyyyy!  If we pay for it, that means we have to eat it!

* * *

Tough Guy

4 year old Sammy likes to play at fighting with Daddy.  He will call out ‘Wiiiiiiiiing Chun!’ and then the attack commences.

During one encounter, Daddy made it so that the encounter resulted in Sammy being separated from the clothes he was wearing.  It was a traumatic experience for Sammy, and he hates being reminded of it.

One day:

Sammy: Wiiiiiiiiing Chun!

Daddy: (tired and not in the mood) Remember the last time we fought? What happened to your clothes

Sammy: (Grrrrr!) If you do that to me again, I will pull out your lungs!

* * *

Words that should be in the dictionary but are

Time for Daddy and Sammy to pick up Domu and Pia from school. 

Daddy: Sammy, change your clothes now, we have to pick up Achie and Anya.  Hurry up!

Sammy: OK, but I can’t be very fast ok?  I’m only 4 years old.

(Later, Sammy emerges with outdoor clothes)

Daddy: Good job Sammy! But your shirt is backwards

Sammy: Doh!  Can you help me make it frontwards?

(A check later shows ‘frontwards’ is in the dictionary)

* * *

Teen Math

Pia is preparing for he NAPLAN exams.  We want to make sure her math is solid.  School has just started after a month and a half of Christmas vacation, so she’s rusty.

She has to multiply 73 x 72. Multiplying 7 x 2, she knows the answer is 14, but not sure  whether to write down the ‘4’ or the ‘1’.

Pia: Daddy, should I write the four or the teen?

* * *

The Girl Who Will Not Play With Fire

…if she knows what’s good for her.

Daddy and Pia were talking one day:

Pia: Daddy, are there things that don’t burn?

Daddy: (delighted that Pia is asking about science) Well, everything burns, except they burn at different temperatures.  For example, a small flame will burn your hair, but it won’t burn this spoon.

Pia: It won’t burn?

Daddy: No

Pia: (eyes light up) Then I can play with fire!

* * *

Beyond Naughty

The children very much like to play at the dining table while eating lunch or dinner or breakfast. It drives us nuts because it takes them two hours just to finish up eating.

At lunch one day, Sammy was playing at the table:

Mummy: Sammy! Will you stop playing please! Eat your food!

Sammy: Muuuummmmeeeeeee!  I can be evil if I want to!

* * *

A Special Hug

Mummy and Sammy are sitting on the sofa watching TV.  Mummy hugs Sammy:

Sammy: Smelly Mama!

* * *

Uncommon Idioms

Sammy likes to try out new idioms he hears:

Sammy: Achie, don’t be such a baby cry!

* * *

The Evil that Mums Do

The children sometimes drive us nuts.  It takes ten reminders to make them brush their teeth, ten reminder to not play while eating.  Sometimes Mummy uses a stern voice:

Mummy:  Sammy, finish your food now.

Sammy: Mu…mmeee….you don’t have to be so evil!

* * *

I’ve Forgotten More Than I Know

The children are on school holidays for a month but school will be back in a couple of weeks. We gave Sammy some written math assignments (3+4, 7+8, 9+3, etc.).

When Mummy came to check his work:

Mummy: Sammy, why didn’t you write anything?  Have you forgotten how to add?  What’s 2+3?

Sammy: Mummy!  I know 2+3. It’s 5!

Mummy: So why didn’t you write it down?

Sammy: I forgot how to write the numbers.

* * *

In the Company of Monsters

Pia has been having problems sleeping.  She keeps getting bad dreams.    Even though she sleeps in the same bedroom as Domu and Sammy, she still wants to sleep with Mummy and Daddy.

One night, she fell asleep in the sofa in the living room and slept there the whole night, all by herself.

The next day:

Pia: Daddy, can I sleep in the sofa again tonight?

Daddy: (surprised) But won’t you get scared?

Pia: No.

Daddy: Why don’t you sleep in your bedroom?  At least Domu and Sammy are there with you when you get another bad dream.

Pia: I want to sleep here in the sofa.

Daddy: Even if you’re alone?

Pia: Yes.

Daddy: Won’t you be less scared if you are with Domu and Sammy?

Pia: No.

Daddy: Why not?

Pia: Because whenever I have a bad dream, in my dream Domu and Sammy are the monsters!

* * *

Nancy Drew

Pia and Sammy are playing, hiding around the sofa. But they have lots of stuff lying around.

Mummy: Sammy! Pia! Pack up your mess before you continue playing.

Pia: Mummy, we’re not playing!  We’re solving a mystery!

* * *

Good Grooming

Lunchtime.  As always, Pia is taking her time to finish.  She’s now rubbing her spoon back and forth against her upper row of teeth.

Mummy: Pia, what are you doing?

Pia: I’m sharpening my teeth!

* * *

The Weight of the World

Sammy played with his toys but didn’t pick up the mess afterwards.

Mummy: Sammy, pack up your toys now.

Sammy: But Achie has to help me

Mummy: No, you made the mess yourself.  You have to pack up yourself.

Sammy: (Grumbling) Ohhh, why do I have to pack up the whole world!

* * *

Vegie Zombie Apocalypse

Bedtime. Sammy asks Daddy a question:

Sammy: Daddy, if all the people became brocolli, what would you do?

* * *

Zen Question

Sammy approaches Daddy with a zen question:

Sammy: Daddy, if there’s a Ninja and no one can see him, is he still a Ninja?

* * *

Programmer

Dominic (9) and Sammy (4) have caught the programming bug through Scratch (www.scratch.mit.edu).

Sammy likes designing new games, but doesn’t really quite know how to make his sprites move yet.  Here’s a couple of his games:

 

 

 

Time Traveler

Sammy approaches Daddy.  He wants to tell Daddy how his day went. Or how his day will go?

Sammy: Daddy, later I had lots of fun!

* * *

The Writer

Sammy is very eager to learn how to write.  He teaches himself by copying what other people have written, or by making up his own writing.  He copied the writing below from one of Domu’s messages:

 

Scary Tales

Sammy is sleepy and wants to go to sleep. Daddy tucks him in.

Daddy: Do you want me to tell you a story?

Sammy: Yes

Daddy: Do you like ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’?

Sammy: Not that!

Daddy: Why not?

Sammy: Scary.

Daddy: (amused, thinks about an even scarier one) How about ‘Hansel and Gretel?’

Sammy: Super-scary

Daddy: How about ‘Little Red Riding Hood’

Sammy: Ok, but only the start of the story.

* * *

Tinkering tailor

Daddy was at the computer.  Sammy walked over to Daddy, wearing his pajamas and holding a pair of scissors.

Sammy: Daddy, how come this scissors cannot cut my PJs?

 

* * *

Food of the dogs

Pia and Sammy were playing.  Then Pia went into the kitchen.

Pia: Come here, Sammy!  Let’s make a proper dog meal for you.

 

* * *

Medical terminology

While having lunch:

Sammy: Daddy, I have blood in my mouth

Daddy: What happened?

Sammy: First, I saw that I have no blood in my mouth. Then I crashed. Then I saw blood.

Then he noticed that there was no more blood.

Sammy: Look! My blood is dead already.

* * *

Learning to Write

Sammy loves to learn.  At four years old he can now read all the words in Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in the Hat, and so on.

Now he’s teaching himself how to write.  He can write all the numbers, except 2.

Sammy: (tries to write ‘2’, but he always twirls the bottom so it becomes a ‘3’). D’oh!

Sammy: (tries again, same result) Augghhh!

Sammy: (tries again, same result) D’OH!

* * *

Spelling test

We are teaching the children how to understand Mandarin Chinese.  They also pick up some Spanish words from watching Dora the Explorer. 

One day, Daddy was watching TV.  Sammy comes up to him:

Sammy: Daddy, how do you spell ching chung chang chawa in Spanish?

* * *

Hundreds served

Daddy was reading a bedtime story.  He came across the word ‘century’.

Daddy: Pia, do you know what ‘century’ means?

Pia: (thinking) Uhm… one hundred years?

Daddy: Correct.

Sammy: Daddy, ‘century’ means one hundred years?

Daddy: Yes.

Sammy: What do you call one hundred meals?

* * *

Acceptance

Two years after accepting that our Pia is not going to be as dainty as Snow White, or Princess Aurora:

Pia: (while eating lunch) I’m saving my fart for later.

* * *

Love begins with me

Mummy and Pia and Domu went off to school. Daddy and Sammy stayed behind.

Sammy: Goodbye Mummy!  I love you Mummy!

Daddy: Do you love Mummy?

Sammy: Yes

Daddy: Do you love Achie?

Sammy: Yes

Daddy: Do you love Domu?

Sammy: Yes… and I love me!

* * *

Smash Hulk

The family sat down to watch DVD.  Pia had wanted to watch “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor”, but we eventually went for the “The Hulk” (starring Edward Norton)

Pia: Oh… I don’t want to watch “The Hunk”

Domu: (laughing) It’s “The Hulk” not “The Hunk”

Pia: Anyway I don’t like him

Daddy: Why don’t you like the Hulk?

Pia: Because he has a green ass.

* * *

Nine lives

Domu was playing with his ball.  Sammy grabbed his ball.  Domu was extremely annoyed. 

Domu: (grabs the ball back) Sammy, don’t do that!

Sammy: I can if I want to!

Domu: If you do that again, I’m going to kill you!

Sammy: (shocked and angry) Don’t ever kill me again!

* * *

5 Year Bearded Boy

Sammy: (looking at Daddy’s stubble) Daddy, why do you have a beard?

Daddy: You will have a beard too when you grow up.

Sammy: No I won’t!  I don’t want to.

Daddy: But you will have a beard whether you like it or not.

Sammy: I won’t have a beard.

Daddy: Yes you will.

Sammy: Ok, let’s see if I will have a beard when I’m 5 years old.

* * *

If I were a rich man…

One morning, Sammy was up early.  He’s not used to seeing Daddy in the morning (most mornings, Daddy leaves for work before the children get up). 

Sammy: Daddy, will you stay home today?

Daddy: No, I have to go to work.

Sammy: So you can get some money?

Daddy: Yes.  I have to work so we can have money.

Sammy: And then we can buy anything?

Daddy: No, so we can stay in this house. And also so you can have some money.

Sammy: So I can have lots of money?

Daddy: What will you buy when you have lots of money?

Sammy: I will buy noodles!

* * *

Counting with Time

Daddy and Sammy need to pick up Pia from school at 3:15.  It is now 2pm.

Sammy: Can I have noodles?

Daddy: Here’s your noodles.  When you finish eating, we will pick up Achie from school, ok?

Sammy: Do I have to hurry up in eating?

Daddy: No, we have lots of time.

Sammy: How many times do we have?

* * *

Spaghetti Logic

Lunchtime.  Sammy and Daddy are alone at home.  We have leftover spaghetti.

Daddy: Sammy, do you want spaghetti?

Sammy: (busy playing computer) What?

Daddy: Do you want to eat spaghetti?

Sammy: Yes.

Daddy: Ok, let me heat it first.

Sammy: (runs away from computer to Daddy) Hey! Don’t eat my spaghetti!

* * *

Pissed off

When 4 year old Sammy needs to pee, he usually tells Mummy or Daddy: “I want to pee”.  Today, he grew up very very quickly:

Sammy: Mummy. . . I need to piss!"

* * *

God is Rich

Daddy was teaching Sammy how to pray the Our Father

Daddy: Our Father who art in heaven…

Sammy: Our Father who art in heaven…

Daddy: Hallowed by they name

Sammy: Hallowed be diamond.

 

* * *

Spelling Lesson

Sammy really likes learning how to read.  He’s able to recognise at least 20 words now, and he can spell some from memory.

One day while Daddy and Sammy are watching TV together:

Sammy: Daddy can you spell ‘Duh’

Daddy: (not sure what word Sammy said) What word?

Sammy: Duh!  Can you spell ‘Duh’

Daddy: Sure. It’s D-U-H.

Sammy: That’s not right.  Duh is spelled T-H-E.

* * *

Fighting Words

When Sammy picks up new phrases, sometimes he gets them just a little bit wrong.

One day, Sammy and Dominic are playing martial arts fighting:

Sammy: (in kung fu stance) You… won’t… pay… for… this!

 

* * *

Cooking magic

Sammy likes to help Mummy cook. He is also practicing doing his magic card tricks and always practices the phrase: “Pick a card… any card.”

Mummy: Sammy, get a fork from the drawer.

Sammy: (talking to himself) Get a fork…any fork.

* * *

Fool proof magic trick

Sammy wants to perform the magic card trick, but he’s not having success in finding from the deck the card Daddy picked. 

This time he comes up with a fool proof plan.

Sammy: (holding out a ‘deck’ made up of only one card) Daddy, pick a card! Any card!

* * *

Young magicians

Dominic has gotten an interest in performing magic card tricks. The other children got the bug too, even 3 year old Sammy.

Sammy: (holding out a deck of cards) Daddy, pick a card! Any card!

Daddy: (picks a card)

Sammy: Now put it back.

Daddy: (puts back the card)

Sammy: (shuffles the cards and then starts looking for the card).  Is this your card?

Daddy: No

Sammy: (picks out another card). Is this your card?

Daddy: Nope.

Sammy: (perplexed) But which one is your card?

* * *

My Other Mother

Sammy has learned how to cross his eyes.

Sammy: (eyes crossed and looking at Mummy) Look! I have two Mummies!

* * *

A passion for nothing

While watching Herbie (the love bug), the lead actress tells her Dad: “Racing is in my blood!”

Daddy: Dominic, is racing in your blood?

Dominic: No, science is in my blood, then running, then kung fu.

Daddy: How about you Pia, what’s in your blood?

Pia: Nothing.

* * *

Counting with the head

Sammy likes to learn while pooing so we teach him counting, ABCs, etc while he sits and does his thing.

Daddy: (holding up three fingers) Sammy, how many fingers?

Sammy: (points at each finger while counting) one…two…three!

Daddy: (holds up 5 fingers) How many?

Sammy: (points at each finger while counting) one…two…three…four…five!

Daddy: (wants Sammy to count mentally without pointing) Don’t use your fingers, just count in your head.

Sammy: Count with my head?

Daddy: (holds up four fingers) Yes

Sammy: (touches each finger with his forehead and counts) one…two…three…four!

* * *

Worm Boy

Mummy was talking to the kids about gardening.

Mummy: It’s good for the plants if there are worms in the soil cause they make holes in the soil for the plants to grow into.

Sammy: But I can make holes in the soil with a stick!

* * *

Help

Everyone at home was helping Pia with her homework – to build a diorama.

Mummy: Oh nice, everyone is helping Pia.

Sammy: (wants to say he’s helping too) And I’m helping myself!

* * *

I only have nine lives

Sammy did something to one of Domu’s stuff.  Domu was very angry.

Domu: Sammy! Why did you ruin my things!  I will kill you!

Sammy: (scared but indignant) Don’t kill me!

Domu stops.

Sammy: Don’t kill me ever again!

* * *

Whip it

Daddy was working on his computer.  He overhears:

Pia: Sammy you better tell Daddy what you did or else I will whip you!

* * *

Birthday Greetings from…

dear domo,

                  a very pleasant and happy birhtday to you.you are now a young handsome man.how i wish you could e-mail me and marrate to us abot mama,papa,pia,and sam.i miss you all.i aften talk about you to make your cousins here be familiar.you youngest cousin mastered your names.i hope you dont forget me.I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

                   GRANDMA

dear domo,

                 happy b-day cousin.how tall are you are?are you enjoying your schooling??i hope we will also see each other in person.

     BYE AND ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY.

                   GAIL

Biology Lesson

Daddy was assisting Sammy to poo.  He thought this might be a good time to teach sammy some science.

Daddy: Sammy, do you know where poo comes from?

Sammy: (thinks a bit, then looks Daddy straight in the eyes) From my butt.

* * *