I only have nine lives

Sammy did something to one of Domu’s stuff.  Domu was very angry.

Domu: Sammy! Why did you ruin my things!  I will kill you!

Sammy: (scared but indignant) Don’t kill me!

Domu stops.

Sammy: Don’t kill me ever again!

* * *

Whip it

Daddy was working on his computer.  He overhears:

Pia: Sammy you better tell Daddy what you did or else I will whip you!

* * *

Birthday Greetings from…

dear domo,

                  a very pleasant and happy birhtday to you.you are now a young handsome man.how i wish you could e-mail me and marrate to us abot mama,papa,pia,and sam.i miss you all.i aften talk about you to make your cousins here be familiar.you youngest cousin mastered your names.i hope you dont forget me.I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

                   GRANDMA

dear domo,

                 happy b-day cousin.how tall are you are?are you enjoying your schooling??i hope we will also see each other in person.

     BYE AND ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY.

                   GAIL

Biology Lesson

Daddy was assisting Sammy to poo.  He thought this might be a good time to teach sammy some science.

Daddy: Sammy, do you know where poo comes from?

Sammy: (thinks a bit, then looks Daddy straight in the eyes) From my butt.

* * *

When will we laugh?

Daddy borrowed a comedy movie:

Daddy: Hey Dominic, Pia, come here watch this. It’s a funny movie.

The children sat down and watched. 

After 5 minutes of watching parts where there was nothing funny:

Pia: Daddy, when will we laugh?

* * *

Food critic

The children were having lunch.  3-year old Sammy likes Mummy’s cooking:

Sammy: Good job Mummy! This tastes like something!

* * *

Food in the appropriate place

Daddy was busy at the computer.  Sammy comes up to him:

Sammy: Daddy, I need food

Daddy: (busy) uh-huh. Food?

Sammy: Yes, I need food.

Daddy: You need food?

Sammy: Yes, in my mouth.

Daddy: Food in your mouth? You want to eat?

Sammy: Yes!

* * *

Card by Pia

Pia likes creating greeting cards on the fly:

Season’s Greetings from Hong Kong

Bring it on

Sammy wants to play on the computer. It is currently off. He wants to run it on:

Sammy: Daddy, can I take on the computer?

* * *

How to Grow My Bean

By Sophia

How to kill Asuwangs

Daddy was telling the children about traditional Philippine ghosts and ghouls:

Daddy: And there’s the asuwang, the most evil and most scariest of all

Dominic: Can you kill it?

Daddy: You can’t kill it, but you can hang garlic around your windows so it can’t come close to you.  It’s afraid of garlic.

Dominic: Does it have to be garlic?

Daddy: Yes

Dominic: Why can’t we use peanuts?

* * *

The Hick

Sammy has picked up a new expression (‘what the heck’).

One day, while playing with the computer:

Sammy: Hey, look I have no more life…what the hick!

Or

Sammy: There’s no more chips…what the hick!

* * *

If it looks like strawberry and sounds like strawberry then it must be strawberry

Sammy is eating ice cream strawberry cheesecake. He notices the red jelly topping and starts licking it:

Sammy: Yum…it sounds like strawberry!

* * *

The Fact of Life

3-year old Sammy has been having tantrums, complaining about everything.  He’s starting to drive exasperate Mummy.

Mummy: <Sigh> Sammy, give me a break.

Sammy: Mummy, there is no break!

* * *

Robot

Sammy is walking about the house pretending to be a robot.

Sammy: I…am…a…robot.  I…am…a…robot. I…am…a…robot.

After a while, he goes to Mummy.

Sammy: Mummy…I…need…to…poo.

* * *

Giving way

Sammy is very headstrong and always wants to get his way.  Still, sometimes he doesn’t give us too much trouble.

Mummy: Sammy, turn that TV off, it’s time to eat.

Sammy: I’m watching

Mummy: Turn it off now. We will eat.

Sammy: Alright, stinky butt!

* * *

Wednesday Bath

Sammy always refers to events occuring on ‘Wednesday’.  He’s very headstrong and always wants to get his way. 

Today he needs to take a bath but he doesn’t want to:

Daddy: Sammy, take your clothes off. We’ll take a bath.

Sammy: I don’t want to take a bath.

Daddy: Come on now, hurry.

Sammy: But I don’t want to take a bath!

Daddy: You have to take a bath.  You’re stinky!

Sammy: I’m not stinky!  I already take a bath on Wednesday!

* * *

3 Wishes

Daddy and the children are talking about what they would wish for if a genie gave them 3 wishes:

Daddy: Sammy, what will you wish for?

Sammy: A leaf!

* * *

C is for Dog

Daddy and Sammy are working through a picture book.

Daddy: (pointing to a cat') ‘C’, Kuh…Kuh…Cat

Sammy: (pointing to a pair of pants) ‘P’, Uhh…uhh..underwear

* * *

B is for Cat

Daddy and Sammy are looking at a picture book.

Daddy: (pointing to an apple) ‘A’, Ah..Ah…Apple.

Sammy: (pointing to a boat) ‘B’, Buh…Buh…Ship

* * *

Doomsday

Mummy hates it when the children play with water and wet the floor. 

The children know this and avoid playing with water. Except Pia.

One day while playing with her toys at the sink, Pia spills water all over the kitchen floor.

Pia: (quick glance at Mummy) Oops!

Pia:  (running away) I’m doomed!

* * *

Greate taste

Sammy likes experimenting with expressions that he picks up around him. One day while eating in the kitchen:

Sammy: Mmmm. This is good!  It tases like something!

* * *

Ice

It is summer and often very hot. Sammy has gotten to drinking iced water.  He frequently asks for water with ice cubes.

Sammy: Daddy, can I have water with ice please?

Daddy puts a couple of ice cubes in Sammy’s cup.

Sammy: Daddy, I said I want four ice cubes

Daddy: How many do you have?

Sammy: (counts) One…two!

Daddy puts a couple more in.

Sammy: (counts) One…two…three…four.  Good job Daddy!

* * *

Biology lesson

Pia is in grade 1.  One day, Pia approaches Daddy:

Pia: Daddy, I’m pregnant!

(She stuffed a balloon inside the back of her pyjamas, so that her butt looks very big.)

Daddy: When you’re pregnant your bum doesn’t get big. Your tummy does.

Pia: Yes it does!

* * *

Wake up…I need to poo

Mummy is taking a nap.  Sammy tiptoes to Mummy and softly whispers in her ear:

Sammy: Mummy…I need to poo

* * *

Slush

It has only been recently become apparent to us that Sammy uses ‘sl’ when pronouncing a word that begins with ‘fl’.

After making poo:

Sammy: I want to slush the toilet.

Seeing a cartoon character fly:

Sammy: Look! He can sly!

Holding a flower:

Sammy: Look Daddy, a slahwer!

 

* * *

Werewolf

Sammy likes eating ‘chocolate’.  This is hazelnut spread which he likes to eat direct from a spoon.  One day he scooped an extra large serving, ate it all up messily, with the brown stuff all over his mouth.

Mummy: Come Sammy, let’s wash your face.

Sammy: (always the contrarian) I don’t need to wash my face!

Mummy: Your mouth is so messy.  Look at yourself in the mirror.

Sammy goes to the mirror and considers his appearance.

Sammy: Mummy, I look like a werewolf!

* * *

Bob the Builder

Mummy and Sammy were walking to school.  They come across a construction worker along the footpath:

Sammy: (singing loudly) Bob the Builder…

(If you don’t know Bob the Builder…http://www.bobthebuilder.com/au/index.asp)

 

* * *

Post-tantrum

Pia had a tantrum again.  Daddy wants her to be a bit more considerate to Mummy.

Daddy: Pia, whenever you have tantrums, it can sometimes make Mummy feel sick

Pia: How can she be sick?

Daddy: (grasping) Uhm…some of her body parts may become weaker and not function properly.

Pia: Like her tooth?

* * *

The Principal, 2

Pia says she wants to be a principal because she wants to “ring the bell.”

Daddy: (laughing) You want to be a principal because you want to ring the bell?

Pia: (becomes angry) It’s not funny! It’s very important. If nobody rings the bell, how will we know that it’s time to play. School will be SO BORING!

* * *

The Principal

Every now and then, Daddy or Mummy asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.

Daddy: Pia, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Pia: I want to be a principal.

Daddy: (Impressed with her ambition. Pia used to want to be a ‘mere’ teacher). Why do you want to be a principal?

Pia: So I can ring the bell.

* * *

Big Hum Theory

Daddy’s current favourite show is Big Bang Theory.  The children love watching it too.  They especially like the catchy theme song. Whenever it plays, they sing along.  Of course, they don’t know all the words:

The children: …14 billion years ago…we built the wall… we built the pyramids…hum… hum… geology…hum… hum… biology… hum..hum..and it all started with a big BANG!

* * *

Cinders and Ashes

Sammy loves watching Thomas the Train, whose favourite expression of surprise seems to be ‘Cinders and ashes!’

One day while Mummy was hanging the clothes, Sammy was lpaying in the grass and soil with his digger, pretending it was Thomas:

Sammy: Choo-choo….cinders and ashes!

* * *

Special burger

We were having burgers for dinner. The children love it. Pia wants another one:

Pia: Daddy, can I have another hung burger?

* * *

Sleep

Sammy always sleeps beside Mummy.

It’s 9:30pm.  Already past the children’s bedtime. Mummy is getting sleepy.

Mummy: (yawning) Sammy, let’s go to bed now.

Sammy: (doesn’t want to go to sleep yet) I watching Achie play.

Mummy: (threatens) I’m tired. If you don’t go to bed now, I will sleep without you.

Sammy: (freedom) Yes, you sleep Mummy.

* * *

Boy songs

Sammy likes to sing.  He usually does it while he plays.  Being only 3 years old, he doesn’t get all the words right.

Sammy: One, little two, little three, little inches.  Four, little five, little six, little inches….

* * *

I don’t need anyone’s help, including mine

Sammy’s the most independent of the children and always wants to do things himself.

He had just finished poo-ing and was trying to put on his pants by himself, but was having trouble.

Mummy: Sammy, do you need help?  Come here I will help you.

Sammy: (struggling to put his pants on) I don’t need my help!

* * *

I want to ride my bikosol

Sammy cannot pronounce ‘bicycle’

Sammy: Daddy, can I ride my bi-kosol?

Daddy: It’s ‘bicycle’

Sammy: Bikosol

Daddy: Bi…

Sammy: Bi…

Daddy: See…

Sammy: See…

Daddy: Kul…

Sammy: Kul…

Daddy: Bicycle

Sammy: Bikosol.

* * *

Sleepy body part

Sammy approaches Daddy, hand on tummy:

Sammy: Daddy, my tummy is <inaudible>y

Daddy: Your tummy is achy?

Sammy: No…my tummy is sleepy

* * *

Busy bodies

Sammy is very quickly picking up new words.  He gets the meanings much later.

One day, Daddy is busy at the computer. Sammy approaches with a crayon and a page for coloring:

Sammy: Daddy, can you color my picture?

Daddy: I can’t Sammy, I’m busy.

Sammy: Daddy, can you color my picture?

Daddy: I’m busy.

Sammy: No, I’M busy!

* * *

Food is your friend

Sammy at three years old has become very talkative. With a limited vocabulary to work with, he comes up with odd sentences.

One day, Daddy is in the bedroom. Sammy runs to the bedroom holding a spoon of peanut butter:

Sammy:  Daddy, do you know my peanut butter?

* * *

Butt morning

Sammy enjoys making fun of butts.  One afternoon, as soon as Mummy wakes up from her quick nap:

Sammy: Mummy, do you want to see my butt!

* * *

None-derin

Sammy loves Mandarin oranges. But he pronounces them as ‘nanderin’.  One day he sees Pia eating the last Mandarin.  Sammy runs to Daddy:

Sammy: Daddy, I want nanderin

Daddy: I think there’s no more mandarin.

Sammy: I want nanderin

Daddy: There’s no more mandarin.

Sammy: I WANT NANDERIN!

Daddy: No more mandarin.

Sammy: DADDY! I WANT MANDARIN! NOT ‘NO MORE’!

* * *

Assignment Phobia

We give the children extra homework at home to keep them sharp. Pia loves doing them some days, and hates doing them some days. Today Mummy had to remind Pia several times to finish her home work. Pia gets annoyed:

Pia: Mummy! When you’re sleeping I’m going to tie your legs!

* * *

Exhibuttsion

Sammy has decided he likes butts, especially his. 

One day, while Daddy was working on his computer.

Sammy: (walks up to Daddy) Daddy, do you want to see my BUTT?

* * *

Awesome Wind

Sammy picks up expressions from TV or from his brother and sister, but he still has problems fitting the expression to the occassion.

One day, Sammy hears someone fart.

Sammy: That’s AWESOME!

* * *

Animal House

Daddy called home from the office and talked to Mummy on the phone.  Meanwhile, the children are playing horse.  Sammy is enjoying the game so much he wanted to tell Daddy what they are doing.  So he grabbed the phone from Mummy:

Sammy: It’s Achie! And Anya! And Mummy! And we are animals!

 

* * *

I’m not pushing

Domini and Pia were seated together in the big chair watching a DVD. Suddenly Pia was crying.

Pia: Daddy!  Dominic hit me!

Daddy: (angry) Dominic, why did you hit Pia?

Dominic: She was pushing me.

Pia: No I wasn’t!

Dominic: YES YOU DID!

Pia: NO  I DIDN’T!!!

Daddy: Did you push Dominic, Pia?

Pia: No I didn’t. 

Daddy: Why did he say you were pushing him? What were you doing?

Pia: I was bumping him.

Daddy: Why were you bumping him?

Pia: Because I wanted to?

* * *

Duck Migration 2

After establishing that ducks migrate to the desert during winter to get away from the cold…

Pia: If ducks go to the desert, then they will have no water to drink.  So they need to bring their water bottles.

* * *

Duck Migration

At lunch, planning tomorrow’s trip.

Dominic: Can we go to the park where the ducks are?

Daddy: Ok, but I think the ducks won’t be there. It’s winter, and ducks migrate when it’s winter. Do you know where they go during winter?

Pia: Where?

Daddy: They go to a warmer place.

Pia: I know!  They go to the desert!

* * *

Melody Through the Wind

Dominic and Pia recently watched Ice Age 2, The Meltdown. One of the characters sang a very memorable one-line rendition of “I believe I can fly”, and the children frequently recalled that line whenever they played.

One day, Pia plopped on the sofa, head down:

Pia: (singing) “I believe I can fart!”

* * *

Talk to the phone

Daddy and Pia in the kitchen, eating.  Daddy hears Mummy talking on the phone.

Daddy: Who is Mummy talking to?

Pia: (without looking up from her plate) She’s talking to the telephone.

* * *

Brushing your teeth

We want Sammy to acquire the habint of always brushing his teeth before going to bed, so Mummy always reminds him, “Sammy, brush your teeth”. 

But Sammy is still confused about the difference between “my” and “your”.  One night, in the living room:

Mummy: Where is Sammy?

Sammy comes running in from the kitchen, toothbrush in hand.

Sammy: I’m brushing your teeth!

… and then runs back to the kitchen.

* * *

Another way we are different from the animals

Over lunch one day:

Dominic: Daddy, I remembered in the move ‘Over the Hedge’, near the end of the movie, the squirrel drank something that made him move super fast.

Daddy: Yes, he drank a can of cola.  Cola has caffeine and caffeine made him very alert and very active.

Dominic: Oh. 

(We don’t drink soft drinks at home unless there’s a birthday, so the children aren’t very familiar with Coke, or Pepsi, etc.)

Daddy: Coffee has caffeine too.

Dominic: What is caffeine for?

Daddy: People drink caffeine so they stay awake.

Dominic: (Pondering…) Is that why we don’t hibernate?

* * *

Hot and Cold

Sammy picks up various phrases from watching cartoons. Sometimes he understands them.  Sometimes he doesn’t.  Sometimes he almost does. He recently picked up ‘hot cocoa’. 

One day while holding his cup of cold orange juice:

Sammy: Mummy, my hot cocoa is cold!

* * *

Tie’d Up

A couple of months ago, Pia got some drawing paper, drew a necktie, coloured it with crayon, cut it up, punched a hole in the paper necktie, tied a piece of string, and presented it to Daddy as a gift.

Pia: (beaming and proud) Here Daddy, I made you a tie.

Daddy: Thank you, Pia. It’s beautiful.

 

The inevitable question came up today:

Pia: Daddy, how come you never wear the tie I made?

* * *

Stay

Sammy has started to want to pick up the phone each time it rings. And when he grabs it, it’s very hard to make him let go and pass the phone to Mummy.  It’s starting to become a struggle between Mummy and Sammy.  Each one is starting to devise techniques to make sure they grab the phone first.

One day, the phone rings.  Sammy runs to the phone and picks it up. He sees Mummy coming. 

Sammy: (stretches open palm towards Mummy) Stay! Stay!

* * *

Coughing the Apple

Sammy calls an apple ‘apoo’. One day, Sammy and Pia are seated beside each other at the dining table, eating apples.  Sammy started coughing, and directed his mouth towards Pia and her apple.

Pia: Mummy! Sammy is coughing at me!

Mummy: Sammy, stop coughing at Achie.

Sammy: No! I coughing the apoo!

* * *

Memory Device

Daddy had to step out of the house and come back shortly. Mummy was asleep.  So Daddy was instructing the children on how to answer the door safely:

Daddy: What should you do when you hear a knock on the door?

Dominic: We don’t open it.

Pia: We ask “Who are you?”

Daddy: Correct. 

Dominic: What if they say “It’s Daddy"?”

Daddy: Well, you know my voice, right? So if it’s not my voice, don’t open it.

Dominic: Or we can look through the glass (the peephole)

Daddy: Yes, and you can see if it’s me.

Pia: Can you draw us a picture of your face so we don’t forget what you look like?

* * *

Identity Crisis

Mummy always reminds Sammy to wash his hands before eating: “Come Sammy, let’s wash your hands first.”, or “tell Daddy to wash your hands”

One day, Mummy served some donuts. 

Sammy: Can I eat donuts?

Mummy: Yes.

Sammy pulls a chair towards the sink:

Mummy: Sammy, what are you doing?

Sammy: (in his Mickey Mouse voice) I want to wash your hands!

* * *

Pia meets science

One day, while reading her textbook:

Pia: (reading) “Matter is anything that takes up space and has weight.  Matter is made up of invisible particles called atoms.”

Daddy: You are matter.  I am matter. The TV is matter.

Pia: (tentative) Is milk matter?

Daddy: Yes.  And because you are matter, you are made up of atoms.

Pia: (pondering) You’re making me feel strange.

Daddy: Daddy is made up of atoms.  We are all made up of atoms.

Pia: Now I really feel strange.  My mind is getting mixed up. Stop it!

* * *

Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and give the truck to God

It’s bedtime and it’s Pia’s turn to lead the prayer.  One of the prayers is the Glory Be.  Sometimes she gets the words wrong:

Pia: Lorry be to the Father, and to the Son…

* * *

Upload me

We uploaded a video of Dominic solving his Rubik’s cube.  We put him on YouTube. 

He enjoyed it so much that one day…

Dominic: Daddy, can you put me in the news?

* * *

Which math of the year is it?

Daddy lecturing Dominic and Pia.

Daddy: You are lucky. When your Mum and Dad were your age, our parents didn’t have to teach us.  We studied our school lessons on our own: Reading, Writing, Math,…

Pia: … April, May, June.

* * *

The solution to any question

Daddy has made Pia’s math assignments a little harder. Before, she gets simple math expressions and just has to solve them.  But now she gets word problems and she has to come up with the math expression herself before solving it.

Today’s problem: Jane has 36 apples. She gives 12 apples to David. How many apples does Jane have left?

Pia: I don’t know how to answer this.

Daddy: Just read the question and understand it.

Pia: I DID!

Daddy: <frustration> Think. What are we looking for?  What do we want find out?

Pia:  (hesitantly…) The answer?

* * *

Create your own Frankenstein Monster

Pia brings home a computer printout of instructions she wrote at school.

 

HOW TO A FLY BY SOPHIA

1. Get a long botl

2. Get same coc botl

3. stic the coc botl

4. get two gold eyes

5. stick the gold eyes

6. cover the fly

7. enjoy your minibeast

 

* * *

I Made It!

Daddy believes children pick up how to do things by letting them do things.  He decides it’s time for Sammy to  start learning how to dress himself up.

Daddy: (handing Sammy his white cotton shirt) Here Sammy, put your shirt on.

Sammy: Oh-Kay.

Sammy sticks his head into the shirt’s head hole.  Then he sticks his right arm into the same hole (the shirt is a few sizes too big for him). Then he sticks his left arm into the same hole again.

Then he pulls down the shirt to just under his arms, turning it into tube top.

Sammy: (triumphant) I made it!

* * *

The Deadly Art of Studying

Pia is mastering how to spell the days of the week.  She’s having trouble with “Thursday” and “Wednesday”, but Daddy thinks it’s because she’s not putting effort into it.   They’ve been at these two words for half an hour, and Daddy’s getting really fed up by Pia’s delaying tactics:

Daddy: (exasperation) Come on Pia, study the spelling now.

Pia: I already know how to spell!

Daddy: No you don’t. You can’t spell ‘Thursday’

Pia: I can!

Daddy: (frustration) Pia, you’re killing me.

Pia: YOU’RE killing me. I’m nearly dead.

* * *

Minimum Compliance

Lunch time. Rounding up the two older children to come to the kitchen and eat can be frustrating.  They ignore calls as if they didn’t hear anything.  But not Sammy, who loves to eat. One shout of ‘time to eat!’ and he’s at the table before the final syllable has completed.

One day, Mummy, Daddy, and Sammy are at the table, still waiting for Dominic and Pia to come into the kitchen to eat. 

Sammy is already feeding himself:

Daddy: Sammy, go call Achie.

Sammy: (in his Mickey mouse voice) I eating!    (slave drivers…grumble grumble)

Mummy: Come on Sammy, call Achie.

Sammy: Mummy, I eating! 

Pia comes into the kitchen and sits at her spot. Sammy sees the opportunity to do as he was told.

Sammy: (shouting into Achie’s face) ACHIE, WE EATING NOW!

* * *

Messenger messing the message

If United Nations translators were like Pia, we would have more wars.  The children did not do their homework yesterday, so we made them promise to finish it today. 

Daddy calls home from the office to check on the promise:

Daddy: (talking to Pia) Did you finish the assignment I gave you yesterday?

Pia: (Confident) Yes

Daddy: Did Mummy give you new assignment?

Pia: (dreading the thought that Mummy might give them additional homework, very softly)...No...

Daddy: Can I talk to Mummy?

Pia: (handing the phone to Mummy) Daddy said you don't need to give us any more assignment.

* * *

Colour lessons

Sammy still needs help when he needs to poo. He sits on the toilet seat, with his feet on the seat cover.  Either Mummy or Daddy patiently hold him while he does his thing.

One day, while Sammy was making poo.

Daddy: Sammy, what colour is your poo?

Sammy: (thinks for a couple of moments, then sneaks a peek down). Boo-rown!

* * *

Damayond, Lelo, Triangoo, and Circool

Sammy is learning to identify shapes and colors.  He gets them now, but his pronunciation has catching up to do.

Mummy: (pointing to a white circle) What's this?

Sammy: (in his Mickey mouse voice) White circool!

Mummy: (pointing to a yellow square) What's this?

Sammy: Lelo squares!

Mummy: (pointing to green triangle) What's this?

Sammy: Green triangoo!

Mummy: (pointing to red diamond) What's this?

Sammy: Red damayond!

* * *

Mirror mirror on the wall...

Pia had just had her hair cut into a bob.  It was a little uneven, but passable for a 6-year old (Daddy cuts her hair).

One early morning the family had to leave early to go to church. There was no time to shower.  Pia's hair was the definition of a bad hair day -- hair on the left side of her head was massed together into a ball half the size of her head.  The hair on the right side of her face separated into thick strands going in every direction, like hair on corn cobs.

Pia looks into the mirror:

Pia: Ohh....I don't look so good...

* * *

Gluttony

Sammy: I want to pee

Daddy: (busy at the computer, ignores Sammy)

Sammy: (this time with more urgency) I want to pee.

Daddy: (still ignoring)

Sammy: (Now jumping up and down) Unh...unh...I want to pee!!! 

Daddy:  Ok, let's go

Daddy heads to the bathroom, but Sammy heads to the kitchen

Daddy: (goes to the kitchen, puzzled) What're you doing there?

Sammy points to the chocolate biscuit in his hand. He wants to set it down somewhere before going into the toilet.

Daddy: Ok.  (heads to the toilet and waits for Sammy)

Sammy doesn't come. So Daddy goes back to the kitchen.  Sammy sits at the dining table, biting into a big strawberry he discovered, and completely forgetting he needed to pee.

Daddy: What are you doing?!? Let's pee!

Sammy: (munching) I eating.

* * *

Choose your own assignment

Pia's assignment was multiplication (23 x 5, 45 x 7, etc). The equations were written down on her notebook:

Pia: <solving diligently, but unfortunately doing it as an addition problem, not multiplication>

Mummy: (after noticing what Pia had done) Pia, this is wrong! Why are you adding 23 + 5? You should multiply them.

Pia: (throws the notebook away!) I like addition! Change it to addition!

* * *

Batgirl

With two ends of a blanket knotted round her neck, Pia jumped in bed, playing.  She trips on her 'cape' and falls down on her behind:

Pia: (talking to self) Batgirls fall down when they're not looking.

* * *

Naughty Santa

Dominic and Pia singing a duet in the bedroom:

You better watch out

You better not cry

You better not pout cause I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is naughty tonight.

* * *

Question and Answer

While walking home:

Pia: Daddy, why do some policemen change their clothes into not uniform so the bad men do not know they are policemen?

Daddy: You already answered your own question.

Pia: (after pondering her question for a moment) Oh! I didn't know that!

* * *

Show and Tell

Every student in Pia's class is asked to do a show-and-tell each week.  Pia's turn is Mondays.

One weekend:

Pia: (excited) Daddy! I know what I will do for my show and tell in school!

Daddy: What will you do?

Pia: I will show and tell my farting sounds.

* * *

(It's not as bad as it sounds.  She just learned how to make 'farting' sounds by cupping her left hand on her right armpit and pumping the right arm in quick sequence.  That's what she wanted to show-and-tell)

Dizzy season

During spring and summer, the days are longer and the sun dusk isn't until 8:30pm.  During these days, the family goes to church on Saturday night instead of Sundays.

One Saturday afternoon:

Daddy: Pia, Dominic get dressed now. We're going out.

Pia: Where are we going?

Daddy: We're going to church.

Pia: (feeling lazy, doesn't want to go) BUT DADDY!  It's Saturday!  We go to church on Sundays!

Daddy: Yes, but today we're going on Saturday.

Pia: (tries to find an excuse) But Daddy, my head hurts!

Daddy: Why does it hurt?

Pia: Because I'm getting dizzy.  Sometimes we go to church on Sunday, sometimes we go on Saturday!

* * *

Pass the sult please

When it comes to food, Dominic is the most picky of the three children.  He often wouldn't try food he hasn't tried before, whereas Sammy still chews tables and dirty slippers.

On the way to a relative's house, we were concerned that Dominic will refuse to eat what is served:

Daddy: Dominic, listen, when we get to our friend's house, you must eat what they serve you. If you don't they will feel insulted.

Dominic: What does 'insulted' mean?

Daddy: Hmm...let's say you have some candy, and you give some to your classmate.  But your classmate just throws your candy away instead of enjoying them.  How would you feel?  That what 'insulted' means.

Dominic: Oh, I thought 'insulted' means put some salt in it.

* * *

Tough

Daddy always reminds the children to finish their homework before he gets home from work

It's 4pm now, and Daddy makes a call to home from the office:

Daddy: (on the phone with Mummy) Have the children done their homework?

Mummy: Dominic has, but Pia hasn't

Daddy: (groan, not again) Let me talk to her

Mummy hands the phone to Pia.

Pia: (in her toughest if-you're-looking-for-trouble-you've-come-to-the-right-place voice): WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY!

* * *

My Turn

Mummy was carrying Sammy.  She notices some dry crusted boogies all along the rim of Sammy's nostrils and proceeds to pick them off.

After a couple of seconds Sammy grabs Mummy's hand, gently pushes it away, and then starts to pick at his nose:

Sammy: My turn!

* * *

So near, yet so far

Dominic was trying teaching Sammy how to count. Sammy already knows "two" comes after "one", and "three" comes after "two", but hasn't said "one-two-three" all by himself:

Dominic: Sammy, count: "One"

Sammy: "Two!" 

Dominic: No, "One"

Sammy: No, one

Dominic: Two

Sammy: Three!

Dominic: No, "Two"

Sammy: No, two

Surrender came quickly.

* * *

Playing Dress-up Aborted

Daddy arrives home from work.  He had forgotten to put away his house clothes before leaving for work this morning:

Pia: Daddy, when you went to work, you left your  clothes on the bed.  You forgot to hang them up.

Daddy: Oh really?

Pia: I wanted to try them on because I wanted to see how big they are

Daddy: Did you try them on?

Pia: No, because they're smelly.

* * *

How to identify a fake letter from Mummy

Daddy wakes up from a Sunday nap.  The house is empty, except for Sammy sleeping beside him.  On Daddy's computer a handwritten note was taped:

Daddy we went to the playgruwn to go bikeing you should know were we are.  form Mommy

 

* * *

Inside Out

Late at night, after watching Jurassic Park 3.

Pia: Daddy, I want to put my bones on the outside of my body so I will be inside out.

Daddy: (tired) It's already nighttime.  Time to sleep.

Pia: Ok, I will do it tomorrow.

* * *

You must not eat the last pawn!

Dominic and Pia enjoy playing chess.  They seem to have received the belief that capturing an opponent's last pawn is very bad form.

Daddy's opinion is that the children will learn best if he does not play easy with them (he's not really very good in chess anyway), so gives no notice to this strange belief.

Daddy and Pia playing chess.  Daddy capture's Pia's last pawn:

Pia: (indignant) Daddy! You must not capture my last pawn!

Daddy: Why?

Dominic: (near sobbing) You must not capture the last pawn.

Daddy: But why?

Pia: (now crying) You must promise not to eat my last pawn. I don't want to play anymore!

Daddy: (still confused) Why?

* * *

Wobbly Tongue

Pia held the tip of her tongue between her thumb and index finger and began wagging it.

Daddy: What are you doing?

Pia: I'm wobbling my tongue?

Daddy: Why?

Pia: So it will fall off and I will grow a new one.

Daddy: Why do you want your tongue to fall off?

Pia: Because it's very old.

* * *

It's in the eyes of the beholder, sweetie

Daddy was using the computer.  Pia approaches:

Pia: Daddy...

Daddy: Yes?

Pia: You're not pretty.

* * *

Pia's Prayer 2

On her birthday.

Pia: Lord thank you that I am 6 years old. Thank you for keeping me safe from the bad children.  I pray that I will have a wobbly tooth.

* * *

Heart check

Pia gets a toy doctor's kit for her birthday:

Pia: (with her plastic stethoscope round her neck) Daddy, open your mouth. I will get your heart.

Daddy: You will get my heart?

Pia: I didn't say 'get'. I said 'Open your mouth and I will check your heart'

* * *

Vowels for idiots

The family was playing Boggle.  Not very successfully -- it was hard for young children to find +words, so Daddy gave tips to the children on how to find words more effectively:

Daddy: Look around the vowels. Do you know what vowels are?

Dominic: A-E-I-O-U

Pia: Daddy, if you have no brain you will think that vowels are A-N-G-T-X

* * *

Illegible Spoken Words

Dominic and Daddy in the kitchen doing homework.  Dominic's handwriting needs improvement. He mumbled something. Daddy did not quite get what the words were:

Daddy: What did you say Dominic?

Dominic: (annoyed) Daddy, you can understand me clearly. When I say words, it's not like when I write words and you cannot understand my writing.

Sigh. In other words, Daddy should have understood what was said because Dominic could not have possibly said the words illegibly.

* * *

Tadah!

Sammy gets off a dining chair and promptly falls on his bum. 

Sammy: (raising both hands in the air) Tadah!

* * *

Thick

Daddy holds two books in front of Pia:

Daddy: Which one is thicker?

Pia: (Instantly points to one) This one!

Daddy: Why?

Pia: What is 'thick'?

* * *

Eight-legged Abstract Nouns

Dominic is studying about abstract nouns.  Pia is listening.

Dominic: (reading) "An abstract noun is a noun that you cannot touch but can be thought about"

Daddy: Do you get what an abstract noun is? It's something you cannot touch.

Pia: Daddy, I know an abstract noun!

Daddy: Ok

Pia: A poisonous spider!

* * *

Chess Pieces

Dominic and Daddy are playing chess. Pia wants to learn chess too:

Pia: Daddy, can I play chess?

Daddy: Sure, when we finish this game you can play. But do you know how to play?

Pia: I know what the pieces are called.

Daddy: (holding up a castle) What is this piece?

Pia: Rook!

Daddy: Good. What's another name for it?

Pia: Roof!

* *

Nose-beard

Daddy plucks out a piece of hair from his nose.

Pia: Daddy, why do you take out hair from your nose?

Daddy: Because it was getting long

Pia: Is it painful?

Daddy: Yes -- don't do it.

Pia: (pointing to where mustaches grow) But if the hair in my nose grows long, I will have a beard, like Santa Claus

* * *