Sammy has acquired a new automated response. Partly joking, partly trying to get away from his chores.
Daddy: Sammy, time to study.
Sammy: No, you!
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Daddy: Sammy, throw out the rubbish.
Sammy: No, you!
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Daddy: Sammy, take a shower now.
Sammy: No, you!
---
Daddy: Sammy,…
Sammy: No, you!
Daddy:… eat some chocolates.
Sammy: No, me!
* * *
Sammy was reading the short story ‘The Washwoman’ (by Isaac Singer). The poor, old washwoman had a rich son who abandoned her and left her to fend for herself.
Daddy: So, Sammy, when you grow up and become rich, don’t be like that woman’s son and abandon Mummy and me.
Sammy: Actually, I think I will be like that rich son.
Daddy: So, you’ll abandon us?
Sammy: Basically.
* * *
Sammy turned on the internet (actually the cable modem connection to the internet). After a few minutes he notices Daddy turning on his computer.
Sammy: (teasingly) Hey Daddy, I turned on the internet so you don't have to wait 5 minutes for it to turn on. Are you happy?
Daddy: Yes, I'm delirious.... Do you know what 'delirious' means?
Sammy: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Do not try to teach me anything when it's not time to study. I don't want to learn anything new! Don't you dare teach me...
The family has been watching Breaking Bad on DVD. It's Sammy's job to cook rice (Sammy's 11 years old). Sometimes it takes a lot of reminders, especially when he's in front of the computer, which is All.The.Time. He tries to delay having to do the chore by pretending to not know what it is he needs to do.
Daddy: Sammy, cook the rice.
Sammy: Cook meth?
Daddy called the home number from the office. Sammy answered the phone. He knew it was Daddy calling.
Sammy: (In automated voice recorder tone) You have reached Sammy's number. If you want to talk to Sammy, please press '1'. If you are Daddy, please go away. BEEEEEEP.
Sammy was busy playing on the computer. Desperately enjoying the last day of term break (he doesn't know there's one more week of vacation left).
He had just finished doing the Gauss Year 7 exam and Daddy wants to review his mistakes.
Daddy: Sammy, come on, let's review your mistakes.
Sammy: (hard at play on the computer) Daddy, please, you know better than that...
We want Sammy to learn to eat fruit. He avoids them whenever he can. One day he tried out some of the grapefruit Mummy had cut up.
Sammy: (After tasting grapefruit) Eww…How do you even like this? It has terrible aftertaste!
Daddy: I like it.
Sammy: Grapefruit is like the rip-off version of oranges!
* * *
Daddy was stir-frying bitter melons, which Sammy doesn’t like to eat. His favourite is fried rice.
Sammy experiences confusion:
Sammy: Oh it smells so good, like fried rice! But I know it’s not fried rice. It’s something terrible!
* * *
Daddy was getting ready to leave for work.
Sammy: Daddy, in how many minutes are you going?
Daddy: You want to leave the house together? You want to go now? Are you ready?
Sammy: Yes
Daddy: (Noticing Sammy was wearing scruffy pants) Change your pants
Sammy: Don’t care. Next.
Daddy: Put on undies.
Sammy: Don’t care. Next.
Daddy: Did you shower?
Sammy: Don’t care. Next.
Daddy: (Giving up) Let’s go.
* * *
The cat killed a bird. Pia was trying to place the dead bird’s body in a plastic bag but the cat keeps trying to pull it out.
Mummy: Sammy, go help your sister. She’s trying to put the bird in a bag but the cat keeps pulling it out.
Sammy: (playing on the computer) And why would I want to take part in that?
* * *
Sammy was studying Algebra with Daddy, how to combine like terms.
Daddy: So can you answer this? (2xy + x + 5xy = 20)
Sammy: (Confused) There’s so many letters! How can I find out what x and y is?
Daddy: We’re not looking for the values, they don’t have any values.
Sammy: Oh. (Glaring at the letters) You are worthless to me!
* * *
Pia was remembering when Sammy broke the swan sculpture she made in school.
Pia: Do you remember the swan? I told you to be careful because if you drop it, it will break.
Sammy: Oh yeah…
Pia: Then when I came back, it was broken.
Sammy: I was playing with it, and then accidentally dropped it, but it didn’t break at first, so I dropped it higher. And it broke!
* * *
Daddy was teaching Sammy Algebra, how to combine like terms.
Daddy: So if the terms have the same literal coefficients, like in 3x, and 5x, then you can add or subtract the terms. Do you get it?
Sammy: Yes, but I really don’t care.
* * *
Mummy noticed that Sammy’s feet are stinky.
Mummy: Sammy, how long since you changed your socks?
Sammy: Uhmm…you don’t want to know.
Mummy: Change your socks now.
Sammy: (busy playing at the computer) I can’t…. it’s against the law.
* * *
Mummy went to the children’s room to place Sammy’s clothes in his cabinet.
Mummy: Sammy, where’s the key to open the window?
Sammy: I don’t know.
Mummy: We need to open the windows and let fresh air in. Your room smells so stinky.
Sammy: But it’s supposed to smell like that, so that you don’t come in.
* * *
Sammy achieved a perfect score in a national maths competition, becoming one of the 1.5% of the 32,000 test takers.
Daddy: Well done Sammy! You know what this means right?
Sammy: What?
Daddy: Since you’ve shown you can achieve a perfect score, we now expect you to do this every year!
* * *
Mummy takes every opportunity to remind the children how lucky they are by telling stories of how life was hard in our youth.
One day she and Sammy were together ahead of the others. Suddenly Sammy sprinted away from Mummy and joined up with Daddy.
Daddy: Why did you leave Mummy?
Sammy: She started telling stories about her life…
Daddy: And?
Sammy: So I ran for my life!
* * *
Mummy wanted to ask Dominic something:
Mummy: Anya are you busy?
Dominic: (In the toilet. No response)
Sammy: (Mimicking the voice of an automated phone attendant) Anya is busy. Please try another line.
* * *
Sammy was busy playing games at the computer. Daddy was at the kitchen counter. He had just finished chopping garlic, onions, and other veggies, and was about to start cooking lunch.
Daddy: Sammy…
Sammy: WHAT!
Daddy: Can you clean up the countertop?
Sammy: <groan> Oh, all right…
Daddy: Thank you.
Sammy: You’re not very welcome.
* * *
The family was eating roast chicken for lunch and there was some marinade sauce in the chicken’s plastic bag.
Sammy: Oh there’s some left over laminated sauce from the chicken. Can I pour it on my plate?
Daddy: What do you mean?
Sammy: You know how they laminate the chicken before serving it to make it tasty?
Daddy: (Confused) No they don’t laminate the chicken.
Sammy: Yes they do! They do it to make it yummy.
Daddy: No laminate means to cover it with plastic.
Sammy: Oh oops I meant marinade.
(PS: Sammy wrote this blog entry)
* * *
