The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with the First Foot

Pia was practicing solving math word problems.  She's a bit rusty.

Pia: Daddy, how many feet in a foot?

* * *

Death by Algebra

Sammy is learning algebra.  He’s trying to solve the equation:

2 (X – 12) = X + 12

Sammy: First, multiply the 2, so we get:

2X – 24 = X + 12

Sammy: Then, I remove –24 from one side by adding 24 to both sides:

2X – 24 + 24 = X + 24

2X = 24

X = 12

Dad: That’s wrong. What happened to the 12 on the right side?

Sammy: It died.

* * *

Grocery List Hacker

Sometimes Daddy emails Mummy from work to ask if he needs to pick up anything from the supermarket on the way home.

Daddy: (via email) Sweetie, I’m going to buy wholemeal bread, white toast, anything else?

Mummy: (via email) Please buy wholemeal bread, white toast, 6 Big Mac, 20,000 french fries, 8000000 tons of cheese.

(Sammy was using Mummy’s computer at the time, saw Daddy’s email, and tried his luck).

* * *

Decimate is for wimps

Several weeks ago, the kids went to the library to play chess against old hands. Though they all played good games, they lost all their games.

One day while walking…

Daddy: (to the kids) Let’s practice chess again. We’re going to the library next week so the three of you can play chess with the old timers there. This time you must decimate them. LIke they totally destroyed you last time.

Domu: Decimate… so beat only 1 in 10?

* * *

Unsecured

Mummy’s homework standards are too high for Sammy. (Sammy’s standards are too low). So they always argue.  One day Sammy went into the spare room to do his homework.

Daddy: What are you doing here?

Sammy: I need to stay here.  Mummy is in the hallway. The hallway is not secured.

* * *

Big Apple

The family was watching TV one night and someone on TV mentioned ‘Big Apple’.

Sammy: I know what Big Apple is. You guys don’t.

Daddy: What is it?

Sammy: LONDON!

Everyone: No it’s not!

Sammy: I’m so dumb…

* * *

And We’ll Eat Our Teachers Too…

There’s a school affair at Pia’s school. They are inviting the students and their parents to enjoy a barbecue and a meet the teachers. Sammy is always excited when there’s food:

Sammy: Mummy, are we all going to ‘Meet the Barbecue?’

* * *

Coulda Been More Helpful

Sammy wants to heat his sandwich. But he'stoo small to reach the microwave.

Sammy: Daddy, can you heat my food?

Daddy: (Busy cooking) Domu, Pia, can you help Sammy?

No response.

Daddy: Come on, after all he helps you when you need something.

Sammy: No I don't.

Pia's Second Email

She is still waiting for Daddy to unblock the games.  She sent a polite follow-up email:

-------------
From: Pia
Subject: WHY YOU LITTLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


HEY I HAVEN"T ...........WHY YOU LITTLE........... ITS ALREADY EATING TIME..................

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

UNBLOCK THE FREAKING GAMES

I SWEAR WHEN YOU GET HOME I"M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT"S ALREADY DARN EATING TIME AND YA KNOW WHAT!!!!!!!

I DIDN"T EVEN GET TO PLAY THE DARN GAMES

IF YOU ...............................

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

YOU MEANIE U #$%^&*

GSTFTDYXYTY%^FSA$STSFSRFSISGTGXYYSRSTYXIUUYSSTSYSYUSYISTSEWERTYUIOASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM<DFGHJKRTYUSDFGHSDFGHVBXCVBNDFGHERTYUIUIOGHJKZXCVBNMSDFGHJKRTYUIBGNMSDFGHSDFVGBHSXDCFVGBHNSDCFVGBHNTGHYJMNHJMBNM<BNMBNMHJFGHEXRDCTFVGYBHNJDCFVGBYHNJXDRCFVTGBHNJFVGBUNHJMESXDRCFTVGYTUIOESRDTFYGVUNHIJOWERFTGYHUJIKECTFVGYBHNJWEDRFTVGTYBHNJDEFVGYBHNJDFGRETYGUHIJUEDRFTGYUIDRCFTVGYBHERDTFGVYUCTRFVYGTBUERTFVYGERTFYG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEN YOU GET HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-----------------------

 

* * *

Pia's First Email

 The children are on school holidays.  Usually they play games on the internet before lunch.  Today Daddy has forgotten to unblock the games.  He's at work. 
Pia has learned how to use email:
 
-----------------
From: Pia
Subject: Hi

You ready to die daddy?

BECAUSE IF YA DON"T UNBLOCK THE GAMES I"M GONNA KILL YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BTW I h8 it when u do dat

Now my time gonna run out and I will not be able to play computer 4 eva!!!!!!

SO YA HEARD ME IF U DON"T UNBLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tks for listening

c a

 

-----------------

* * *

Dumb Master of Chess

While playing against an opponent in chess.com...

Sammy advances one of his pawns pawn into a square protected by his horse, but attacked by the opponent’s bishop and a pawn.

Sammy: You think I’m dumb? Huh?

The opponent promptly captures Sammy’s pawn.

Sammy: DAMMIT! I’m dumb!

***

A Thorough Checking

Pia has been eagerly waiting the fair, with its rides. One Sunday:

Pia: Daddy, isn’t today the when the rides are?

Daddy:  Hmm… you may be right. Let me double-check.

Sammy: (unsure what Daddy just said) “The butt check?”

* * *

Tough Decision

One day at lunch:

Sammy:  Daddy can you cook some more of your fried rice?  I like your fried rice better that Mummy's fried rice.

Daddy: But Mummy makes the best baked macaroni.

Sammy: Achie which do you like better.  Mummy's fried rice or Daddy'sfried rice.

Pia: I can't decide.  They're both horrible.

***

An Economical Idea

Sammy: Daddy, when somebody dies why can't we just eat them instead of burying them?  That way we can save some money?

Mask

Sammy was playing in the bedroom.  Then he comes out and asks Mummy.

Sammy: Mummy, can we buy some gas masks?

Daddy: Why do you need gas masks?

Sammy: Achie keeps on farting.

 

* * *

Oops!

The family went biking a couple of months ago.  Sammy crashed (mildly) into a post. 

Daddy said: “Oops!”. 

Big mistake.

Sammy: (crying) I almost died and all you say is “Oops!”?

Daddy: It wasn’t a big crash. You just bumped into a post.

Sammy: What if I kill myself and you will just say “Oops!”?   How about if you fall into a hole and die and I say “Oops”.  How would you feel?  How about if you are hungry and you have no food and you die and I say “Oops.”? 

And Sammy went on like that for several hours, giving example upon example. 

What do you want to be?

While having lunch:

Daddy: Sammy, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Sammy: A bad guy.

* * *

I’m Gonna Kill Myself

Sammy’s expression when he’s frustrated is: “I’m gonna kill myself”.  Among other things, he gets frustrated when he loses to Dad in chess (who Sammy cannot accept can beat him in chess). 

When Sammy loses: “I’m so dumb, I can’t beat anybody in chess. I’m gonna kill myself.” 

One day during lunch he got upset because he c, got off his chair and claimed: “I’m gonna kill myself now. I’ll go to the gunshop and kill myself.”

Sammy’s Chess Rating

Sammy likes to play chess and has joined chess.com.  He wins some games and loses some games.  His current rating is about 920.  He finds it intriguing what his opponents will think if they find out they’re playing against a 6 year old.

Pink Slip

Pia issues a ‘pink slip’ to Sammy for being angry this morning.