Acceptance

Two years after accepting that our Pia is not going to be as dainty as Snow White, or Princess Aurora:

Pia: (while eating lunch) I’m saving my fart for later.

* * *

Love begins with me

Mummy and Pia and Domu went off to school. Daddy and Sammy stayed behind.

Sammy: Goodbye Mummy!  I love you Mummy!

Daddy: Do you love Mummy?

Sammy: Yes

Daddy: Do you love Achie?

Sammy: Yes

Daddy: Do you love Domu?

Sammy: Yes… and I love me!

* * *

Smash Hulk

The family sat down to watch DVD.  Pia had wanted to watch “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor”, but we eventually went for the “The Hulk” (starring Edward Norton)

Pia: Oh… I don’t want to watch “The Hunk”

Domu: (laughing) It’s “The Hulk” not “The Hunk”

Pia: Anyway I don’t like him

Daddy: Why don’t you like the Hulk?

Pia: Because he has a green ass.

* * *

Nine lives

Domu was playing with his ball.  Sammy grabbed his ball.  Domu was extremely annoyed. 

Domu: (grabs the ball back) Sammy, don’t do that!

Sammy: I can if I want to!

Domu: If you do that again, I’m going to kill you!

Sammy: (shocked and angry) Don’t ever kill me again!

* * *

5 Year Bearded Boy

Sammy: (looking at Daddy’s stubble) Daddy, why do you have a beard?

Daddy: You will have a beard too when you grow up.

Sammy: No I won’t!  I don’t want to.

Daddy: But you will have a beard whether you like it or not.

Sammy: I won’t have a beard.

Daddy: Yes you will.

Sammy: Ok, let’s see if I will have a beard when I’m 5 years old.

* * *

If I were a rich man…

One morning, Sammy was up early.  He’s not used to seeing Daddy in the morning (most mornings, Daddy leaves for work before the children get up). 

Sammy: Daddy, will you stay home today?

Daddy: No, I have to go to work.

Sammy: So you can get some money?

Daddy: Yes.  I have to work so we can have money.

Sammy: And then we can buy anything?

Daddy: No, so we can stay in this house. And also so you can have some money.

Sammy: So I can have lots of money?

Daddy: What will you buy when you have lots of money?

Sammy: I will buy noodles!

* * *

Counting with Time

Daddy and Sammy need to pick up Pia from school at 3:15.  It is now 2pm.

Sammy: Can I have noodles?

Daddy: Here’s your noodles.  When you finish eating, we will pick up Achie from school, ok?

Sammy: Do I have to hurry up in eating?

Daddy: No, we have lots of time.

Sammy: How many times do we have?

* * *

Spaghetti Logic

Lunchtime.  Sammy and Daddy are alone at home.  We have leftover spaghetti.

Daddy: Sammy, do you want spaghetti?

Sammy: (busy playing computer) What?

Daddy: Do you want to eat spaghetti?

Sammy: Yes.

Daddy: Ok, let me heat it first.

Sammy: (runs away from computer to Daddy) Hey! Don’t eat my spaghetti!

* * *

Pissed off

When 4 year old Sammy needs to pee, he usually tells Mummy or Daddy: “I want to pee”.  Today, he grew up very very quickly:

Sammy: Mummy. . . I need to piss!"

* * *

God is Rich

Daddy was teaching Sammy how to pray the Our Father

Daddy: Our Father who art in heaven…

Sammy: Our Father who art in heaven…

Daddy: Hallowed by they name

Sammy: Hallowed be diamond.

 

* * *

Spelling Lesson

Sammy really likes learning how to read.  He’s able to recognise at least 20 words now, and he can spell some from memory.

One day while Daddy and Sammy are watching TV together:

Sammy: Daddy can you spell ‘Duh’

Daddy: (not sure what word Sammy said) What word?

Sammy: Duh!  Can you spell ‘Duh’

Daddy: Sure. It’s D-U-H.

Sammy: That’s not right.  Duh is spelled T-H-E.

* * *

Fighting Words

When Sammy picks up new phrases, sometimes he gets them just a little bit wrong.

One day, Sammy and Dominic are playing martial arts fighting:

Sammy: (in kung fu stance) You… won’t… pay… for… this!

 

* * *

Cooking magic

Sammy likes to help Mummy cook. He is also practicing doing his magic card tricks and always practices the phrase: “Pick a card… any card.”

Mummy: Sammy, get a fork from the drawer.

Sammy: (talking to himself) Get a fork…any fork.

* * *

Fool proof magic trick

Sammy wants to perform the magic card trick, but he’s not having success in finding from the deck the card Daddy picked. 

This time he comes up with a fool proof plan.

Sammy: (holding out a ‘deck’ made up of only one card) Daddy, pick a card! Any card!

* * *

Young magicians

Dominic has gotten an interest in performing magic card tricks. The other children got the bug too, even 3 year old Sammy.

Sammy: (holding out a deck of cards) Daddy, pick a card! Any card!

Daddy: (picks a card)

Sammy: Now put it back.

Daddy: (puts back the card)

Sammy: (shuffles the cards and then starts looking for the card).  Is this your card?

Daddy: No

Sammy: (picks out another card). Is this your card?

Daddy: Nope.

Sammy: (perplexed) But which one is your card?

* * *

My Other Mother

Sammy has learned how to cross his eyes.

Sammy: (eyes crossed and looking at Mummy) Look! I have two Mummies!

* * *

A passion for nothing

While watching Herbie (the love bug), the lead actress tells her Dad: “Racing is in my blood!”

Daddy: Dominic, is racing in your blood?

Dominic: No, science is in my blood, then running, then kung fu.

Daddy: How about you Pia, what’s in your blood?

Pia: Nothing.

* * *

Counting with the head

Sammy likes to learn while pooing so we teach him counting, ABCs, etc while he sits and does his thing.

Daddy: (holding up three fingers) Sammy, how many fingers?

Sammy: (points at each finger while counting) one…two…three!

Daddy: (holds up 5 fingers) How many?

Sammy: (points at each finger while counting) one…two…three…four…five!

Daddy: (wants Sammy to count mentally without pointing) Don’t use your fingers, just count in your head.

Sammy: Count with my head?

Daddy: (holds up four fingers) Yes

Sammy: (touches each finger with his forehead and counts) one…two…three…four!

* * *

Worm Boy

Mummy was talking to the kids about gardening.

Mummy: It’s good for the plants if there are worms in the soil cause they make holes in the soil for the plants to grow into.

Sammy: But I can make holes in the soil with a stick!

* * *

Help

Everyone at home was helping Pia with her homework – to build a diorama.

Mummy: Oh nice, everyone is helping Pia.

Sammy: (wants to say he’s helping too) And I’m helping myself!

* * *