Pia brings home a computer printout of instructions she wrote at school.
HOW TO A FLY BY SOPHIA
1. Get a long botl
2. Get same coc botl
3. stic the coc botl
4. get two gold eyes
5. stick the gold eyes
6. cover the fly
7. enjoy your minibeast
* * *
Daddy believes children pick up how to do things by letting them do things. He decides it’s time for Sammy to start learning how to dress himself up.
Daddy: (handing Sammy his white cotton shirt) Here Sammy, put your shirt on.
Sammy: Oh-Kay.
Sammy sticks his head into the shirt’s head hole. Then he sticks his right arm into the same hole (the shirt is a few sizes too big for him). Then he sticks his left arm into the same hole again.
Then he pulls down the shirt to just under his arms, turning it into tube top.
Sammy: (triumphant) I made it!
* * *
Pia is mastering how to spell the days of the week. She’s having trouble with “Thursday” and “Wednesday”, but Daddy thinks it’s because she’s not putting effort into it. They’ve been at these two words for half an hour, and Daddy’s getting really fed up by Pia’s delaying tactics:
Daddy: (exasperation) Come on Pia, study the spelling now.
Pia: I already know how to spell!
Daddy: No you don’t. You can’t spell ‘Thursday’
Pia: I can!
Daddy: (frustration) Pia, you’re killing me.
Pia: YOU’RE killing me. I’m nearly dead.
* * *
Lunch time. Rounding up the two older children to come to the kitchen and eat can be frustrating. They ignore calls as if they didn’t hear anything. But not Sammy, who loves to eat. One shout of ‘time to eat!’ and he’s at the table before the final syllable has completed.
One day, Mummy, Daddy, and Sammy are at the table, still waiting for Dominic and Pia to come into the kitchen to eat.
Sammy is already feeding himself:
Daddy: Sammy, go call Achie.
Sammy: (in his Mickey mouse voice) I eating! (slave drivers…grumble grumble)
Mummy: Come on Sammy, call Achie.
Sammy: Mummy, I eating!
Pia comes into the kitchen and sits at her spot. Sammy sees the opportunity to do as he was told.
Sammy: (shouting into Achie’s face) ACHIE, WE EATING NOW!
* * *
If United Nations translators were like Pia, we would have more wars. The children did not do their homework yesterday, so we made them promise to finish it today.
Daddy calls home from the office to check on the promise:
Daddy: (talking to Pia) Did you finish the assignment I gave you yesterday?
Pia: (Confident) Yes
Daddy: Did Mummy give you new assignment?
Pia: (dreading the thought that Mummy might give them additional homework, very softly)...No...
Daddy: Can I talk to Mummy?
Pia: (handing the phone to Mummy) Daddy said you don't need to give us any more assignment.
* * *
Sammy still needs help when he needs to poo. He sits on the toilet seat, with his feet on the seat cover. Either Mummy or Daddy patiently hold him while he does his thing.
One day, while Sammy was making poo.
Daddy: Sammy, what colour is your poo?
Sammy: (thinks for a couple of moments, then sneaks a peek down). Boo-rown!
* * *
Sammy is learning to identify shapes and colors. He gets them now, but his pronunciation has catching up to do.
Mummy: (pointing to a white circle) What's this?
Sammy: (in his Mickey mouse voice) White circool!
Mummy: (pointing to a yellow square) What's this?
Sammy: Lelo squares!
Mummy: (pointing to green triangle) What's this?
Sammy: Green triangoo!
Mummy: (pointing to red diamond) What's this?
Sammy: Red damayond!
* * *
Pia had just had her hair cut into a bob. It was a little uneven, but passable for a 6-year old (Daddy cuts her hair).
One early morning the family had to leave early to go to church. There was no time to shower. Pia's hair was the definition of a bad hair day -- hair on the left side of her head was massed together into a ball half the size of her head. The hair on the right side of her face separated into thick strands going in every direction, like hair on corn cobs.
Pia looks into the mirror:
Pia: Ohh....I don't look so good...
* * *
Sammy: I want to pee
Daddy: (busy at the computer, ignores Sammy)
Sammy: (this time with more urgency) I want to pee.
Daddy: (still ignoring)
Sammy: (Now jumping up and down) Unh...unh...I want to pee!!!
Daddy: Ok, let's go
Daddy heads to the bathroom, but Sammy heads to the kitchen
Daddy: (goes to the kitchen, puzzled) What're you doing there?
Sammy points to the chocolate biscuit in his hand. He wants to set it down somewhere before going into the toilet.
Daddy: Ok. (heads to the toilet and waits for Sammy)
Sammy doesn't come. So Daddy goes back to the kitchen. Sammy sits at the dining table, biting into a big strawberry he discovered, and completely forgetting he needed to pee.
Daddy: What are you doing?!? Let's pee!
Sammy: (munching) I eating.
* * *
Pia's assignment was multiplication (23 x 5, 45 x 7, etc). The equations were written down on her notebook:
Pia: <solving diligently, but unfortunately doing it as an addition problem, not multiplication>
Mummy: (after noticing what Pia had done) Pia, this is wrong! Why are you adding 23 + 5? You should multiply them.
Pia: (throws the notebook away!) I like addition! Change it to addition!
* * *
With two ends of a blanket knotted round her neck, Pia jumped in bed, playing. She trips on her 'cape' and falls down on her behind:
Pia: (talking to self) Batgirls fall down when they're not looking.
* * *
Dominic and Pia singing a duet in the bedroom:
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout cause I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is naughty tonight.
* * *
While walking home:
Pia: Daddy, why do some policemen change their clothes into not uniform so the bad men do not know they are policemen?
Daddy: You already answered your own question.
Pia: (after pondering her question for a moment) Oh! I didn't know that!
* * *
Every student in Pia's class is asked to do a show-and-tell each week. Pia's turn is Mondays.
One weekend:
Pia: (excited) Daddy! I know what I will do for my show and tell in school!
Daddy: What will you do?
Pia: I will show and tell my farting sounds.
* * *
(It's not as bad as it sounds. She just learned how to make 'farting' sounds by cupping her left hand on her right armpit and pumping the right arm in quick sequence. That's what she wanted to show-and-tell)
During spring and summer, the days are longer and the sun dusk isn't until 8:30pm. During these days, the family goes to church on Saturday night instead of Sundays.
One Saturday afternoon:
Daddy: Pia, Dominic get dressed now. We're going out.
Pia: Where are we going?
Daddy: We're going to church.
Pia: (feeling lazy, doesn't want to go) BUT DADDY! It's Saturday! We go to church on Sundays!
Daddy: Yes, but today we're going on Saturday.
Pia: (tries to find an excuse) But Daddy, my head hurts!
Daddy: Why does it hurt?
Pia: Because I'm getting dizzy. Sometimes we go to church on Sunday, sometimes we go on Saturday!
* * *
When it comes to food, Dominic is the most picky of the three children. He often wouldn't try food he hasn't tried before, whereas Sammy still chews tables and dirty slippers.
On the way to a relative's house, we were concerned that Dominic will refuse to eat what is served:
Daddy: Dominic, listen, when we get to our friend's house, you must eat what they serve you. If you don't they will feel insulted.
Dominic: What does 'insulted' mean?
Daddy: Hmm...let's say you have some candy, and you give some to your classmate. But your classmate just throws your candy away instead of enjoying them. How would you feel? That what 'insulted' means.
Dominic: Oh, I thought 'insulted' means put some salt in it.
* * *
Daddy always reminds the children to finish their homework before he gets home from work
It's 4pm now, and Daddy makes a call to home from the office:
Daddy: (on the phone with Mummy) Have the children done their homework?
Mummy: Dominic has, but Pia hasn't
Daddy: (groan, not again) Let me talk to her
Mummy hands the phone to Pia.
Pia: (in her toughest if-you're-looking-for-trouble-you've-come-to-the-right-place voice): WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY!
* * *
Mummy was carrying Sammy. She notices some dry crusted boogies all along the rim of Sammy's nostrils and proceeds to pick them off.
After a couple of seconds Sammy grabs Mummy's hand, gently pushes it away, and then starts to pick at his nose:
Sammy: My turn!
* * *
Dominic was trying teaching Sammy how to count. Sammy already knows "two" comes after "one", and "three" comes after "two", but hasn't said "one-two-three" all by himself:
Dominic: Sammy, count: "One"
Sammy: "Two!"
Dominic: No, "One"
Sammy: No, one
Dominic: Two
Sammy: Three!
Dominic: No, "Two"
Sammy: No, two
Surrender came quickly.
* * *
Daddy arrives home from work. He had forgotten to put away his house clothes before leaving for work this morning:
Pia: Daddy, when you went to work, you left your clothes on the bed. You forgot to hang them up.
Daddy: Oh really?
Pia: I wanted to try them on because I wanted to see how big they are
Daddy: Did you try them on?
Pia: No, because they're smelly.
* * *
