Mummy takes every opportunity to remind the children how lucky they are by telling stories of how life was hard in our youth.
One day she and Sammy were together ahead of the others. Suddenly Sammy sprinted away from Mummy and joined up with Daddy.
Daddy: Why did you leave Mummy?
Sammy: She started telling stories about her life…
Daddy: And?
Sammy: So I ran for my life!
* * *
Mummy wanted to ask Dominic something:
Mummy: Anya are you busy?
Dominic: (In the toilet. No response)
Sammy: (Mimicking the voice of an automated phone attendant) Anya is busy. Please try another line.
* * *
Sammy was busy playing games at the computer. Daddy was at the kitchen counter. He had just finished chopping garlic, onions, and other veggies, and was about to start cooking lunch.
Daddy: Sammy…
Sammy: WHAT!
Daddy: Can you clean up the countertop?
Sammy: <groan> Oh, all right…
Daddy: Thank you.
Sammy: You’re not very welcome.
* * *
The family was eating roast chicken for lunch and there was some marinade sauce in the chicken’s plastic bag.
Sammy: Oh there’s some left over laminated sauce from the chicken. Can I pour it on my plate?
Daddy: What do you mean?
Sammy: You know how they laminate the chicken before serving it to make it tasty?
Daddy: (Confused) No they don’t laminate the chicken.
Sammy: Yes they do! They do it to make it yummy.
Daddy: No laminate means to cover it with plastic.
Sammy: Oh oops I meant marinade.
(PS: Sammy wrote this blog entry)
* * *
The family went to RMIT University for its Open Day, to check out this university. Two weeks ago Mum and the kids went to the University of Melbourne for a similar event.
While sitting in an auditorium waiting for a talk to begin, Daddy asked Sammy (10 years old) what he thinks about the two Unis:
Daddy: Sammy, which Uni do you prefer? This one or the one you visited last time?
Sammy: (Munching on a Mentos candy) I like this one better.
Daddy: Why?
Sammy: This one gives you more options.
Daddy: (Whoa. ‘Options’. Big word for a child. Is my son a genius?) Options huh? What do you mean?
Sammy: They give out many different lollies. They only had free coffee in the other school. Plus I think they have barbecue every week here.
RMIT it is then.
* * *
One night, it started hailing, making such a loud ruckus around the house. Sammy was worried:
Sammy: Daddy, is that hail?
Daddy: I think so.
Sammy: It feels like the house will collapse!
Sammy: (Addressing the house) BE STRONG! BE CONFIDENT!
* * *
Sammy’s eating lunch:
Mummy: Sammy, do you want some more food?
Sammy: Mummy, you’re making me eat too much. You’re making me fat…are you going to eat me?
* * *
Pia was asking what their nationality was:
Pia: What else are we?
Daddy: Well, we’re also Australian citizens
Pia: But we weren’t born here
Daddy: We immigrated to Australia
Pia: So we’re immigrators?
* * *
Sammy came home from school with a handbag made out of newspaper. Like all handbags made from newspaper, it was pathetic. But Sammy enjoyed learning how to make one.
Daddy: Sammy, get your maths book. We will study now.
Sammy: (creating another paper handbag) There's something more important than studying maths you know.
Daddy: Like what?
Sammy: Making a paper bag.
Pia was practicing solving math word problems. She's a bit rusty.
Pia: Daddy, how many feet in a foot?
Sammy is learning algebra. He’s trying to solve the equation:
2 (X – 12) = X + 12
Sammy: First, multiply the 2, so we get:
2X – 24 = X + 12
Sammy: Then, I remove –24 from one side by adding 24 to both sides:
2X – 24 + 24 = X + 24
2X = 24
X = 12
Dad: That’s wrong. What happened to the 12 on the right side?
Sammy: It died.
* * *
Sometimes Daddy emails Mummy from work to ask if he needs to pick up anything from the supermarket on the way home.
Daddy: (via email) Sweetie, I’m going to buy wholemeal bread, white toast, anything else?
Mummy: (via email) Please buy wholemeal bread, white toast, 6 Big Mac, 20,000 french fries, 8000000 tons of cheese.
(Sammy was using Mummy’s computer at the time, saw Daddy’s email, and tried his luck).
* * *
Several weeks ago, the kids went to the library to play chess against old hands. Though they all played good games, they lost all their games.
One day while walking…
Daddy: (to the kids) Let’s practice chess again. We’re going to the library next week so the three of you can play chess with the old timers there. This time you must decimate them. LIke they totally destroyed you last time.
Domu: Decimate… so beat only 1 in 10?
* * *
Mummy’s homework standards are too high for Sammy. (Sammy’s standards are too low). So they always argue. One day Sammy went into the spare room to do his homework.
Daddy: What are you doing here?
Sammy: I need to stay here. Mummy is in the hallway. The hallway is not secured.
* * *
The family was watching TV one night and someone on TV mentioned ‘Big Apple’.
Sammy: I know what Big Apple is. You guys don’t.
Daddy: What is it?
Sammy: LONDON!
Everyone: No it’s not!
Sammy: I’m so dumb…
* * *
There’s a school affair at Pia’s school. They are inviting the students and their parents to enjoy a barbecue and a meet the teachers. Sammy is always excited when there’s food:
Sammy: Mummy, are we all going to ‘Meet the Barbecue?’
* * *
Sammy wants to heat his sandwich. But he'stoo small to reach the microwave.
Sammy: Daddy, can you heat my food?
Daddy: (Busy cooking) Domu, Pia, can you help Sammy?
No response.
Daddy: Come on, after all he helps you when you need something.
Sammy: No I don't.
She is still waiting for Daddy to unblock the games. She sent a polite follow-up email:
-------------
From: Pia
Subject: WHY YOU LITTLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY I HAVEN"T ...........WHY YOU LITTLE........... ITS ALREADY EATING TIME..................
The children are on school holidays. Usually they play games on the internet before lunch. Today Daddy has forgotten to unblock the games. He's at work.
Pia has learned how to use email:
-----------------
From: Pia
Subject: Hi
You ready to die daddy?
While playing against an opponent in chess.com...
Sammy advances one of his pawns pawn into a square protected by his horse, but attacked by the opponent’s bishop and a pawn.
Sammy: You think I’m dumb? Huh?
The opponent promptly captures Sammy’s pawn.
Sammy: DAMMIT! I’m dumb!
***
