Sammy wants to heat his sandwich. But he'stoo small to reach the microwave.
Sammy: Daddy, can you heat my food?
Daddy: (Busy cooking) Domu, Pia, can you help Sammy?
No response.
Daddy: Come on, after all he helps you when you need something.
Sammy: No I don't.
She is still waiting for Daddy to unblock the games. She sent a polite follow-up email:
-------------
From: Pia
Subject: WHY YOU LITTLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY I HAVEN"T ...........WHY YOU LITTLE........... ITS ALREADY EATING TIME..................
The children are on school holidays. Usually they play games on the internet before lunch. Today Daddy has forgotten to unblock the games. He's at work.
Pia has learned how to use email:
-----------------
From: Pia
Subject: Hi
You ready to die daddy?
While playing against an opponent in chess.com...
Sammy advances one of his pawns pawn into a square protected by his horse, but attacked by the opponent’s bishop and a pawn.
Sammy: You think I’m dumb? Huh?
The opponent promptly captures Sammy’s pawn.
Sammy: DAMMIT! I’m dumb!
***
Pia has been eagerly waiting the fair, with its rides. One Sunday:
Pia: Daddy, isn’t today the when the rides are?
Daddy: Hmm… you may be right. Let me double-check.
Sammy: (unsure what Daddy just said) “The butt check?”
* * *
One day at lunch:
Sammy: Daddy can you cook some more of your fried rice? I like your fried rice better that Mummy's fried rice.
Daddy: But Mummy makes the best baked macaroni.
Sammy: Achie which do you like better. Mummy's fried rice or Daddy'sfried rice.
Pia: I can't decide. They're both horrible.
Sammy: Daddy, when somebody dies why can't we just eat them instead of burying them? That way we can save some money?
Sammy was playing in the bedroom. Then he comes out and asks Mummy.
Sammy: Mummy, can we buy some gas masks?
Daddy: Why do you need gas masks?
Sammy: Achie keeps on farting.
* * *
The family went biking a couple of months ago. Sammy crashed (mildly) into a post.
Daddy said: “Oops!”.
Big mistake.
Sammy: (crying) I almost died and all you say is “Oops!”?
Daddy: It wasn’t a big crash. You just bumped into a post.
Sammy: What if I kill myself and you will just say “Oops!”? How about if you fall into a hole and die and I say “Oops”. How would you feel? How about if you are hungry and you have no food and you die and I say “Oops.”?
And Sammy went on like that for several hours, giving example upon example.
While having lunch:
Daddy: Sammy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Sammy: A bad guy.
* * *
Sammy’s expression when he’s frustrated is: “I’m gonna kill myself”. Among other things, he gets frustrated when he loses to Dad in chess (who Sammy cannot accept can beat him in chess).
When Sammy loses: “I’m so dumb, I can’t beat anybody in chess. I’m gonna kill myself.”
One day during lunch he got upset because he c, got off his chair and claimed: “I’m gonna kill myself now. I’ll go to the gunshop and kill myself.”
Sammy likes to play chess and has joined chess.com. He wins some games and loses some games. His current rating is about 920. He finds it intriguing what his opponents will think if they find out they’re playing against a 6 year old.
Six-year old Sammy likes to tell on Daddy.
Whenever he sees Daddy putting Maggi seasoning, or ketchup, or mayonnaise on his food, he calls out to Mummy: “MUUUUUMMMMYYYY … Daddy’s putting too much sodium on his fooooood.”
He knows Daddy (like all adults) must watch his sodium intake.
One day, at lunch, Daddy pours oyster sauce on his food:
Sammy: MUUUUUMMMMYYYY…. Daddy’s putting oyster sauce on his food.
Daddy: Just a little bit, Sammy.
Sammy: Mummy says sodium is bad for you
Daddy: That’s right. What is sodium?
Sammy: Sugar.
* * *
Nothing is more frightening than a flushing toilet.
Well, maybe some things are.
Dominic is eleven, and like most eleven year olds (ha ha), the sound of the toilet flushing terrifies him. Before flushing the toilet he opens the door and gets ready to scramble away. When everything is ready and the coast is clears, he presses down on the flush, then scampers away.
If he has to go late at night, when everyone is asleep, then the running is zoomingly fast. During daytime, it’s more like a hurried walk, keen to get away from the scene of the crime as immediately as possible.
When we asked him about this a year ago, he said he’s afraid that a witch will appear in the mirror when he flushes the toilet. Makes sense.
* * *
Sammy has discovered a useful psychological tool to force Daddy and Mummy to act.
Sammy: Daddy, Achie hit me.
Daddy: (reading) Uh-huh.
Sammy: So…, NOTHING?
Daddy: What?
Sammy: So you’re going to do NOTHING?
Another day. Sammy had a painful tummy. Daddy couldn’t do anything except wait for it to pass.
Sammy: So, NOTHING?
Daddy: What?
Sammy: My tummy is painful. So, you will do NOTHING? You’ll just let me die?
* * *
The children were watching ‘The Librarians’. In one scene, the heroes came across an old wooden bridge spanning a wide river, near a waterfall.
Domu: How did people build a bridge across that river?
Sammy: (serious) I know, first they build the bridge. Then when the bridge if finished, they build the waterfall.
* * *
On most school days, by the time the children have waken up, Daddy has already gone off to work.
One day, Daddy was working from home. He was at his computer while the children were having breakfast, unaware that Daddy was home.
Sammy: (suddenly noticing Daddy was home) Daddy! I didn’t know you were alive!
* * *
Domu thinks a lot about maths. Recently, he had been thinking about whether zero multiplied by infinity is 0 or infinity.
While having lunch with the family:
Domu: Daddy, I think I know if zero times infinity is 0 or infinity.
Daddy: How?
Domu: Zero divided by zero is infinity because you can put an infinite number of zeros in zero. So 0 / 0 = infinity. If you multiply both sides by 0, you get 0 = infinity * 0, so infinity * 0 = 0.
Pia: (baffled at what the heck Domu is talking about) Daddy, will I be talking like that when I’m in grade 6?
* * *
Sammy’s very eager to learn. He’s 5 years old and already knows how to multiply and divide and do basic algebra. Examples of Sammy’s homework:
