Food of the dogs

Pia and Sammy were playing.  Then Pia went into the kitchen.

Pia: Come here, Sammy!  Let’s make a proper dog meal for you.

 

* * *

Medical terminology

While having lunch:

Sammy: Daddy, I have blood in my mouth

Daddy: What happened?

Sammy: First, I saw that I have no blood in my mouth. Then I crashed. Then I saw blood.

Then he noticed that there was no more blood.

Sammy: Look! My blood is dead already.

* * *

Learning to Write

Sammy loves to learn.  At four years old he can now read all the words in Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in the Hat, and so on.

Now he’s teaching himself how to write.  He can write all the numbers, except 2.

Sammy: (tries to write ‘2’, but he always twirls the bottom so it becomes a ‘3’). D’oh!

Sammy: (tries again, same result) Augghhh!

Sammy: (tries again, same result) D’OH!

* * *

Spelling test

We are teaching the children how to understand Mandarin Chinese.  They also pick up some Spanish words from watching Dora the Explorer. 

One day, Daddy was watching TV.  Sammy comes up to him:

Sammy: Daddy, how do you spell ching chung chang chawa in Spanish?

* * *

Hundreds served

Daddy was reading a bedtime story.  He came across the word ‘century’.

Daddy: Pia, do you know what ‘century’ means?

Pia: (thinking) Uhm… one hundred years?

Daddy: Correct.

Sammy: Daddy, ‘century’ means one hundred years?

Daddy: Yes.

Sammy: What do you call one hundred meals?

* * *

Acceptance

Two years after accepting that our Pia is not going to be as dainty as Snow White, or Princess Aurora:

Pia: (while eating lunch) I’m saving my fart for later.

* * *

Love begins with me

Mummy and Pia and Domu went off to school. Daddy and Sammy stayed behind.

Sammy: Goodbye Mummy!  I love you Mummy!

Daddy: Do you love Mummy?

Sammy: Yes

Daddy: Do you love Achie?

Sammy: Yes

Daddy: Do you love Domu?

Sammy: Yes… and I love me!

* * *

Smash Hulk

The family sat down to watch DVD.  Pia had wanted to watch “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor”, but we eventually went for the “The Hulk” (starring Edward Norton)

Pia: Oh… I don’t want to watch “The Hunk”

Domu: (laughing) It’s “The Hulk” not “The Hunk”

Pia: Anyway I don’t like him

Daddy: Why don’t you like the Hulk?

Pia: Because he has a green ass.

* * *

Nine lives

Domu was playing with his ball.  Sammy grabbed his ball.  Domu was extremely annoyed. 

Domu: (grabs the ball back) Sammy, don’t do that!

Sammy: I can if I want to!

Domu: If you do that again, I’m going to kill you!

Sammy: (shocked and angry) Don’t ever kill me again!

* * *

5 Year Bearded Boy

Sammy: (looking at Daddy’s stubble) Daddy, why do you have a beard?

Daddy: You will have a beard too when you grow up.

Sammy: No I won’t!  I don’t want to.

Daddy: But you will have a beard whether you like it or not.

Sammy: I won’t have a beard.

Daddy: Yes you will.

Sammy: Ok, let’s see if I will have a beard when I’m 5 years old.

* * *

If I were a rich man…

One morning, Sammy was up early.  He’s not used to seeing Daddy in the morning (most mornings, Daddy leaves for work before the children get up). 

Sammy: Daddy, will you stay home today?

Daddy: No, I have to go to work.

Sammy: So you can get some money?

Daddy: Yes.  I have to work so we can have money.

Sammy: And then we can buy anything?

Daddy: No, so we can stay in this house. And also so you can have some money.

Sammy: So I can have lots of money?

Daddy: What will you buy when you have lots of money?

Sammy: I will buy noodles!

* * *

Counting with Time

Daddy and Sammy need to pick up Pia from school at 3:15.  It is now 2pm.

Sammy: Can I have noodles?

Daddy: Here’s your noodles.  When you finish eating, we will pick up Achie from school, ok?

Sammy: Do I have to hurry up in eating?

Daddy: No, we have lots of time.

Sammy: How many times do we have?

* * *

Spaghetti Logic

Lunchtime.  Sammy and Daddy are alone at home.  We have leftover spaghetti.

Daddy: Sammy, do you want spaghetti?

Sammy: (busy playing computer) What?

Daddy: Do you want to eat spaghetti?

Sammy: Yes.

Daddy: Ok, let me heat it first.

Sammy: (runs away from computer to Daddy) Hey! Don’t eat my spaghetti!

* * *

Pissed off

When 4 year old Sammy needs to pee, he usually tells Mummy or Daddy: “I want to pee”.  Today, he grew up very very quickly:

Sammy: Mummy. . . I need to piss!"

* * *

God is Rich

Daddy was teaching Sammy how to pray the Our Father

Daddy: Our Father who art in heaven…

Sammy: Our Father who art in heaven…

Daddy: Hallowed by they name

Sammy: Hallowed be diamond.

 

* * *

Spelling Lesson

Sammy really likes learning how to read.  He’s able to recognise at least 20 words now, and he can spell some from memory.

One day while Daddy and Sammy are watching TV together:

Sammy: Daddy can you spell ‘Duh’

Daddy: (not sure what word Sammy said) What word?

Sammy: Duh!  Can you spell ‘Duh’

Daddy: Sure. It’s D-U-H.

Sammy: That’s not right.  Duh is spelled T-H-E.

* * *

Fighting Words

When Sammy picks up new phrases, sometimes he gets them just a little bit wrong.

One day, Sammy and Dominic are playing martial arts fighting:

Sammy: (in kung fu stance) You… won’t… pay… for… this!

 

* * *

Cooking magic

Sammy likes to help Mummy cook. He is also practicing doing his magic card tricks and always practices the phrase: “Pick a card… any card.”

Mummy: Sammy, get a fork from the drawer.

Sammy: (talking to himself) Get a fork…any fork.

* * *

Fool proof magic trick

Sammy wants to perform the magic card trick, but he’s not having success in finding from the deck the card Daddy picked. 

This time he comes up with a fool proof plan.

Sammy: (holding out a ‘deck’ made up of only one card) Daddy, pick a card! Any card!

* * *

Young magicians

Dominic has gotten an interest in performing magic card tricks. The other children got the bug too, even 3 year old Sammy.

Sammy: (holding out a deck of cards) Daddy, pick a card! Any card!

Daddy: (picks a card)

Sammy: Now put it back.

Daddy: (puts back the card)

Sammy: (shuffles the cards and then starts looking for the card).  Is this your card?

Daddy: No

Sammy: (picks out another card). Is this your card?

Daddy: Nope.

Sammy: (perplexed) But which one is your card?

* * *

My Other Mother

Sammy has learned how to cross his eyes.

Sammy: (eyes crossed and looking at Mummy) Look! I have two Mummies!

* * *

A passion for nothing

While watching Herbie (the love bug), the lead actress tells her Dad: “Racing is in my blood!”

Daddy: Dominic, is racing in your blood?

Dominic: No, science is in my blood, then running, then kung fu.

Daddy: How about you Pia, what’s in your blood?

Pia: Nothing.

* * *

Counting with the head

Sammy likes to learn while pooing so we teach him counting, ABCs, etc while he sits and does his thing.

Daddy: (holding up three fingers) Sammy, how many fingers?

Sammy: (points at each finger while counting) one…two…three!

Daddy: (holds up 5 fingers) How many?

Sammy: (points at each finger while counting) one…two…three…four…five!

Daddy: (wants Sammy to count mentally without pointing) Don’t use your fingers, just count in your head.

Sammy: Count with my head?

Daddy: (holds up four fingers) Yes

Sammy: (touches each finger with his forehead and counts) one…two…three…four!

* * *

Worm Boy

Mummy was talking to the kids about gardening.

Mummy: It’s good for the plants if there are worms in the soil cause they make holes in the soil for the plants to grow into.

Sammy: But I can make holes in the soil with a stick!

* * *

Help

Everyone at home was helping Pia with her homework – to build a diorama.

Mummy: Oh nice, everyone is helping Pia.

Sammy: (wants to say he’s helping too) And I’m helping myself!

* * *

I only have nine lives

Sammy did something to one of Domu’s stuff.  Domu was very angry.

Domu: Sammy! Why did you ruin my things!  I will kill you!

Sammy: (scared but indignant) Don’t kill me!

Domu stops.

Sammy: Don’t kill me ever again!

* * *

Whip it

Daddy was working on his computer.  He overhears:

Pia: Sammy you better tell Daddy what you did or else I will whip you!

* * *

Birthday Greetings from…

dear domo,

                  a very pleasant and happy birhtday to you.you are now a young handsome man.how i wish you could e-mail me and marrate to us abot mama,papa,pia,and sam.i miss you all.i aften talk about you to make your cousins here be familiar.you youngest cousin mastered your names.i hope you dont forget me.I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

                   GRANDMA

dear domo,

                 happy b-day cousin.how tall are you are?are you enjoying your schooling??i hope we will also see each other in person.

     BYE AND ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY.

                   GAIL

Biology Lesson

Daddy was assisting Sammy to poo.  He thought this might be a good time to teach sammy some science.

Daddy: Sammy, do you know where poo comes from?

Sammy: (thinks a bit, then looks Daddy straight in the eyes) From my butt.

* * *

When will we laugh?

Daddy borrowed a comedy movie:

Daddy: Hey Dominic, Pia, come here watch this. It’s a funny movie.

The children sat down and watched. 

After 5 minutes of watching parts where there was nothing funny:

Pia: Daddy, when will we laugh?

* * *

Food critic

The children were having lunch.  3-year old Sammy likes Mummy’s cooking:

Sammy: Good job Mummy! This tastes like something!

* * *

Food in the appropriate place

Daddy was busy at the computer.  Sammy comes up to him:

Sammy: Daddy, I need food

Daddy: (busy) uh-huh. Food?

Sammy: Yes, I need food.

Daddy: You need food?

Sammy: Yes, in my mouth.

Daddy: Food in your mouth? You want to eat?

Sammy: Yes!

* * *

Card by Pia

Pia likes creating greeting cards on the fly:

Season’s Greetings from Hong Kong

Bring it on

Sammy wants to play on the computer. It is currently off. He wants to run it on:

Sammy: Daddy, can I take on the computer?

* * *

How to Grow My Bean

By Sophia

How to kill Asuwangs

Daddy was telling the children about traditional Philippine ghosts and ghouls:

Daddy: And there’s the asuwang, the most evil and most scariest of all

Dominic: Can you kill it?

Daddy: You can’t kill it, but you can hang garlic around your windows so it can’t come close to you.  It’s afraid of garlic.

Dominic: Does it have to be garlic?

Daddy: Yes

Dominic: Why can’t we use peanuts?

* * *

The Hick

Sammy has picked up a new expression (‘what the heck’).

One day, while playing with the computer:

Sammy: Hey, look I have no more life…what the hick!

Or

Sammy: There’s no more chips…what the hick!

* * *

If it looks like strawberry and sounds like strawberry then it must be strawberry

Sammy is eating ice cream strawberry cheesecake. He notices the red jelly topping and starts licking it:

Sammy: Yum…it sounds like strawberry!

* * *

The Fact of Life

3-year old Sammy has been having tantrums, complaining about everything.  He’s starting to drive exasperate Mummy.

Mummy: <Sigh> Sammy, give me a break.

Sammy: Mummy, there is no break!

* * *

Robot

Sammy is walking about the house pretending to be a robot.

Sammy: I…am…a…robot.  I…am…a…robot. I…am…a…robot.

After a while, he goes to Mummy.

Sammy: Mummy…I…need…to…poo.

* * *

Giving way

Sammy is very headstrong and always wants to get his way.  Still, sometimes he doesn’t give us too much trouble.

Mummy: Sammy, turn that TV off, it’s time to eat.

Sammy: I’m watching

Mummy: Turn it off now. We will eat.

Sammy: Alright, stinky butt!

* * *

Wednesday Bath

Sammy always refers to events occuring on ‘Wednesday’.  He’s very headstrong and always wants to get his way. 

Today he needs to take a bath but he doesn’t want to:

Daddy: Sammy, take your clothes off. We’ll take a bath.

Sammy: I don’t want to take a bath.

Daddy: Come on now, hurry.

Sammy: But I don’t want to take a bath!

Daddy: You have to take a bath.  You’re stinky!

Sammy: I’m not stinky!  I already take a bath on Wednesday!

* * *

3 Wishes

Daddy and the children are talking about what they would wish for if a genie gave them 3 wishes:

Daddy: Sammy, what will you wish for?

Sammy: A leaf!

* * *

C is for Dog

Daddy and Sammy are working through a picture book.

Daddy: (pointing to a cat') ‘C’, Kuh…Kuh…Cat

Sammy: (pointing to a pair of pants) ‘P’, Uhh…uhh..underwear

* * *

B is for Cat

Daddy and Sammy are looking at a picture book.

Daddy: (pointing to an apple) ‘A’, Ah..Ah…Apple.

Sammy: (pointing to a boat) ‘B’, Buh…Buh…Ship

* * *

Doomsday

Mummy hates it when the children play with water and wet the floor. 

The children know this and avoid playing with water. Except Pia.

One day while playing with her toys at the sink, Pia spills water all over the kitchen floor.

Pia: (quick glance at Mummy) Oops!

Pia:  (running away) I’m doomed!

* * *

Greate taste

Sammy likes experimenting with expressions that he picks up around him. One day while eating in the kitchen:

Sammy: Mmmm. This is good!  It tases like something!

* * *

Ice

It is summer and often very hot. Sammy has gotten to drinking iced water.  He frequently asks for water with ice cubes.

Sammy: Daddy, can I have water with ice please?

Daddy puts a couple of ice cubes in Sammy’s cup.

Sammy: Daddy, I said I want four ice cubes

Daddy: How many do you have?

Sammy: (counts) One…two!

Daddy puts a couple more in.

Sammy: (counts) One…two…three…four.  Good job Daddy!

* * *

Biology lesson

Pia is in grade 1.  One day, Pia approaches Daddy:

Pia: Daddy, I’m pregnant!

(She stuffed a balloon inside the back of her pyjamas, so that her butt looks very big.)

Daddy: When you’re pregnant your bum doesn’t get big. Your tummy does.

Pia: Yes it does!

* * *

Wake up…I need to poo

Mummy is taking a nap.  Sammy tiptoes to Mummy and softly whispers in her ear:

Sammy: Mummy…I need to poo

* * *

Slush

It has only been recently become apparent to us that Sammy uses ‘sl’ when pronouncing a word that begins with ‘fl’.

After making poo:

Sammy: I want to slush the toilet.

Seeing a cartoon character fly:

Sammy: Look! He can sly!

Holding a flower:

Sammy: Look Daddy, a slahwer!

 

* * *

Werewolf

Sammy likes eating ‘chocolate’.  This is hazelnut spread which he likes to eat direct from a spoon.  One day he scooped an extra large serving, ate it all up messily, with the brown stuff all over his mouth.

Mummy: Come Sammy, let’s wash your face.

Sammy: (always the contrarian) I don’t need to wash my face!

Mummy: Your mouth is so messy.  Look at yourself in the mirror.

Sammy goes to the mirror and considers his appearance.

Sammy: Mummy, I look like a werewolf!

* * *

Bob the Builder

Mummy and Sammy were walking to school.  They come across a construction worker along the footpath:

Sammy: (singing loudly) Bob the Builder…

(If you don’t know Bob the Builder…http://www.bobthebuilder.com/au/index.asp)

 

* * *

Post-tantrum

Pia had a tantrum again.  Daddy wants her to be a bit more considerate to Mummy.

Daddy: Pia, whenever you have tantrums, it can sometimes make Mummy feel sick

Pia: How can she be sick?

Daddy: (grasping) Uhm…some of her body parts may become weaker and not function properly.

Pia: Like her tooth?

* * *

The Principal, 2

Pia says she wants to be a principal because she wants to “ring the bell.”

Daddy: (laughing) You want to be a principal because you want to ring the bell?

Pia: (becomes angry) It’s not funny! It’s very important. If nobody rings the bell, how will we know that it’s time to play. School will be SO BORING!

* * *

The Principal

Every now and then, Daddy or Mummy asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.

Daddy: Pia, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Pia: I want to be a principal.

Daddy: (Impressed with her ambition. Pia used to want to be a ‘mere’ teacher). Why do you want to be a principal?

Pia: So I can ring the bell.

* * *

Big Hum Theory

Daddy’s current favourite show is Big Bang Theory.  The children love watching it too.  They especially like the catchy theme song. Whenever it plays, they sing along.  Of course, they don’t know all the words:

The children: …14 billion years ago…we built the wall… we built the pyramids…hum… hum… geology…hum… hum… biology… hum..hum..and it all started with a big BANG!

* * *

Cinders and Ashes

Sammy loves watching Thomas the Train, whose favourite expression of surprise seems to be ‘Cinders and ashes!’

One day while Mummy was hanging the clothes, Sammy was lpaying in the grass and soil with his digger, pretending it was Thomas:

Sammy: Choo-choo….cinders and ashes!

* * *

Special burger

We were having burgers for dinner. The children love it. Pia wants another one:

Pia: Daddy, can I have another hung burger?

* * *

Sleep

Sammy always sleeps beside Mummy.

It’s 9:30pm.  Already past the children’s bedtime. Mummy is getting sleepy.

Mummy: (yawning) Sammy, let’s go to bed now.

Sammy: (doesn’t want to go to sleep yet) I watching Achie play.

Mummy: (threatens) I’m tired. If you don’t go to bed now, I will sleep without you.

Sammy: (freedom) Yes, you sleep Mummy.

* * *

Boy songs

Sammy likes to sing.  He usually does it while he plays.  Being only 3 years old, he doesn’t get all the words right.

Sammy: One, little two, little three, little inches.  Four, little five, little six, little inches….

* * *

I don’t need anyone’s help, including mine

Sammy’s the most independent of the children and always wants to do things himself.

He had just finished poo-ing and was trying to put on his pants by himself, but was having trouble.

Mummy: Sammy, do you need help?  Come here I will help you.

Sammy: (struggling to put his pants on) I don’t need my help!

* * *

I want to ride my bikosol

Sammy cannot pronounce ‘bicycle’

Sammy: Daddy, can I ride my bi-kosol?

Daddy: It’s ‘bicycle’

Sammy: Bikosol

Daddy: Bi…

Sammy: Bi…

Daddy: See…

Sammy: See…

Daddy: Kul…

Sammy: Kul…

Daddy: Bicycle

Sammy: Bikosol.

* * *

Sleepy body part

Sammy approaches Daddy, hand on tummy:

Sammy: Daddy, my tummy is <inaudible>y

Daddy: Your tummy is achy?

Sammy: No…my tummy is sleepy

* * *

Busy bodies

Sammy is very quickly picking up new words.  He gets the meanings much later.

One day, Daddy is busy at the computer. Sammy approaches with a crayon and a page for coloring:

Sammy: Daddy, can you color my picture?

Daddy: I can’t Sammy, I’m busy.

Sammy: Daddy, can you color my picture?

Daddy: I’m busy.

Sammy: No, I’M busy!

* * *

Food is your friend

Sammy at three years old has become very talkative. With a limited vocabulary to work with, he comes up with odd sentences.

One day, Daddy is in the bedroom. Sammy runs to the bedroom holding a spoon of peanut butter:

Sammy:  Daddy, do you know my peanut butter?

* * *

Butt morning

Sammy enjoys making fun of butts.  One afternoon, as soon as Mummy wakes up from her quick nap:

Sammy: Mummy, do you want to see my butt!

* * *

None-derin

Sammy loves Mandarin oranges. But he pronounces them as ‘nanderin’.  One day he sees Pia eating the last Mandarin.  Sammy runs to Daddy:

Sammy: Daddy, I want nanderin

Daddy: I think there’s no more mandarin.

Sammy: I want nanderin

Daddy: There’s no more mandarin.

Sammy: I WANT NANDERIN!

Daddy: No more mandarin.

Sammy: DADDY! I WANT MANDARIN! NOT ‘NO MORE’!

* * *

Assignment Phobia

We give the children extra homework at home to keep them sharp. Pia loves doing them some days, and hates doing them some days. Today Mummy had to remind Pia several times to finish her home work. Pia gets annoyed:

Pia: Mummy! When you’re sleeping I’m going to tie your legs!

* * *

Exhibuttsion

Sammy has decided he likes butts, especially his. 

One day, while Daddy was working on his computer.

Sammy: (walks up to Daddy) Daddy, do you want to see my BUTT?

* * *

Awesome Wind

Sammy picks up expressions from TV or from his brother and sister, but he still has problems fitting the expression to the occassion.

One day, Sammy hears someone fart.

Sammy: That’s AWESOME!

* * *

Animal House

Daddy called home from the office and talked to Mummy on the phone.  Meanwhile, the children are playing horse.  Sammy is enjoying the game so much he wanted to tell Daddy what they are doing.  So he grabbed the phone from Mummy:

Sammy: It’s Achie! And Anya! And Mummy! And we are animals!

 

* * *

I’m not pushing

Domini and Pia were seated together in the big chair watching a DVD. Suddenly Pia was crying.

Pia: Daddy!  Dominic hit me!

Daddy: (angry) Dominic, why did you hit Pia?

Dominic: She was pushing me.

Pia: No I wasn’t!

Dominic: YES YOU DID!

Pia: NO  I DIDN’T!!!

Daddy: Did you push Dominic, Pia?

Pia: No I didn’t. 

Daddy: Why did he say you were pushing him? What were you doing?

Pia: I was bumping him.

Daddy: Why were you bumping him?

Pia: Because I wanted to?

* * *

Duck Migration 2

After establishing that ducks migrate to the desert during winter to get away from the cold…

Pia: If ducks go to the desert, then they will have no water to drink.  So they need to bring their water bottles.

* * *

Duck Migration

At lunch, planning tomorrow’s trip.

Dominic: Can we go to the park where the ducks are?

Daddy: Ok, but I think the ducks won’t be there. It’s winter, and ducks migrate when it’s winter. Do you know where they go during winter?

Pia: Where?

Daddy: They go to a warmer place.

Pia: I know!  They go to the desert!

* * *

Melody Through the Wind

Dominic and Pia recently watched Ice Age 2, The Meltdown. One of the characters sang a very memorable one-line rendition of “I believe I can fly”, and the children frequently recalled that line whenever they played.

One day, Pia plopped on the sofa, head down:

Pia: (singing) “I believe I can fart!”

* * *

Talk to the phone

Daddy and Pia in the kitchen, eating.  Daddy hears Mummy talking on the phone.

Daddy: Who is Mummy talking to?

Pia: (without looking up from her plate) She’s talking to the telephone.

* * *

Brushing your teeth

We want Sammy to acquire the habint of always brushing his teeth before going to bed, so Mummy always reminds him, “Sammy, brush your teeth”. 

But Sammy is still confused about the difference between “my” and “your”.  One night, in the living room:

Mummy: Where is Sammy?

Sammy comes running in from the kitchen, toothbrush in hand.

Sammy: I’m brushing your teeth!

… and then runs back to the kitchen.

* * *

Another way we are different from the animals

Over lunch one day:

Dominic: Daddy, I remembered in the move ‘Over the Hedge’, near the end of the movie, the squirrel drank something that made him move super fast.

Daddy: Yes, he drank a can of cola.  Cola has caffeine and caffeine made him very alert and very active.

Dominic: Oh. 

(We don’t drink soft drinks at home unless there’s a birthday, so the children aren’t very familiar with Coke, or Pepsi, etc.)

Daddy: Coffee has caffeine too.

Dominic: What is caffeine for?

Daddy: People drink caffeine so they stay awake.

Dominic: (Pondering…) Is that why we don’t hibernate?

* * *

Hot and Cold

Sammy picks up various phrases from watching cartoons. Sometimes he understands them.  Sometimes he doesn’t.  Sometimes he almost does. He recently picked up ‘hot cocoa’. 

One day while holding his cup of cold orange juice:

Sammy: Mummy, my hot cocoa is cold!

* * *

Tie’d Up

A couple of months ago, Pia got some drawing paper, drew a necktie, coloured it with crayon, cut it up, punched a hole in the paper necktie, tied a piece of string, and presented it to Daddy as a gift.

Pia: (beaming and proud) Here Daddy, I made you a tie.

Daddy: Thank you, Pia. It’s beautiful.

 

The inevitable question came up today:

Pia: Daddy, how come you never wear the tie I made?

* * *

Stay

Sammy has started to want to pick up the phone each time it rings. And when he grabs it, it’s very hard to make him let go and pass the phone to Mummy.  It’s starting to become a struggle between Mummy and Sammy.  Each one is starting to devise techniques to make sure they grab the phone first.

One day, the phone rings.  Sammy runs to the phone and picks it up. He sees Mummy coming. 

Sammy: (stretches open palm towards Mummy) Stay! Stay!

* * *

Coughing the Apple

Sammy calls an apple ‘apoo’. One day, Sammy and Pia are seated beside each other at the dining table, eating apples.  Sammy started coughing, and directed his mouth towards Pia and her apple.

Pia: Mummy! Sammy is coughing at me!

Mummy: Sammy, stop coughing at Achie.

Sammy: No! I coughing the apoo!

* * *

Memory Device

Daddy had to step out of the house and come back shortly. Mummy was asleep.  So Daddy was instructing the children on how to answer the door safely:

Daddy: What should you do when you hear a knock on the door?

Dominic: We don’t open it.

Pia: We ask “Who are you?”

Daddy: Correct. 

Dominic: What if they say “It’s Daddy"?”

Daddy: Well, you know my voice, right? So if it’s not my voice, don’t open it.

Dominic: Or we can look through the glass (the peephole)

Daddy: Yes, and you can see if it’s me.

Pia: Can you draw us a picture of your face so we don’t forget what you look like?

* * *

Identity Crisis

Mummy always reminds Sammy to wash his hands before eating: “Come Sammy, let’s wash your hands first.”, or “tell Daddy to wash your hands”

One day, Mummy served some donuts. 

Sammy: Can I eat donuts?

Mummy: Yes.

Sammy pulls a chair towards the sink:

Mummy: Sammy, what are you doing?

Sammy: (in his Mickey Mouse voice) I want to wash your hands!

* * *

Pia meets science

One day, while reading her textbook:

Pia: (reading) “Matter is anything that takes up space and has weight.  Matter is made up of invisible particles called atoms.”

Daddy: You are matter.  I am matter. The TV is matter.

Pia: (tentative) Is milk matter?

Daddy: Yes.  And because you are matter, you are made up of atoms.

Pia: (pondering) You’re making me feel strange.

Daddy: Daddy is made up of atoms.  We are all made up of atoms.

Pia: Now I really feel strange.  My mind is getting mixed up. Stop it!

* * *

Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and give the truck to God

It’s bedtime and it’s Pia’s turn to lead the prayer.  One of the prayers is the Glory Be.  Sometimes she gets the words wrong:

Pia: Lorry be to the Father, and to the Son…

* * *

Upload me

We uploaded a video of Dominic solving his Rubik’s cube.  We put him on YouTube. 

He enjoyed it so much that one day…

Dominic: Daddy, can you put me in the news?

* * *

Which math of the year is it?

Daddy lecturing Dominic and Pia.

Daddy: You are lucky. When your Mum and Dad were your age, our parents didn’t have to teach us.  We studied our school lessons on our own: Reading, Writing, Math,…

Pia: … April, May, June.

* * *

The solution to any question

Daddy has made Pia’s math assignments a little harder. Before, she gets simple math expressions and just has to solve them.  But now she gets word problems and she has to come up with the math expression herself before solving it.

Today’s problem: Jane has 36 apples. She gives 12 apples to David. How many apples does Jane have left?

Pia: I don’t know how to answer this.

Daddy: Just read the question and understand it.

Pia: I DID!

Daddy: <frustration> Think. What are we looking for?  What do we want find out?

Pia:  (hesitantly…) The answer?

* * *

Create your own Frankenstein Monster

Pia brings home a computer printout of instructions she wrote at school.

 

HOW TO A FLY BY SOPHIA

1. Get a long botl

2. Get same coc botl

3. stic the coc botl

4. get two gold eyes

5. stick the gold eyes

6. cover the fly

7. enjoy your minibeast

 

* * *

I Made It!

Daddy believes children pick up how to do things by letting them do things.  He decides it’s time for Sammy to  start learning how to dress himself up.

Daddy: (handing Sammy his white cotton shirt) Here Sammy, put your shirt on.

Sammy: Oh-Kay.

Sammy sticks his head into the shirt’s head hole.  Then he sticks his right arm into the same hole (the shirt is a few sizes too big for him). Then he sticks his left arm into the same hole again.

Then he pulls down the shirt to just under his arms, turning it into tube top.

Sammy: (triumphant) I made it!

* * *

The Deadly Art of Studying

Pia is mastering how to spell the days of the week.  She’s having trouble with “Thursday” and “Wednesday”, but Daddy thinks it’s because she’s not putting effort into it.   They’ve been at these two words for half an hour, and Daddy’s getting really fed up by Pia’s delaying tactics:

Daddy: (exasperation) Come on Pia, study the spelling now.

Pia: I already know how to spell!

Daddy: No you don’t. You can’t spell ‘Thursday’

Pia: I can!

Daddy: (frustration) Pia, you’re killing me.

Pia: YOU’RE killing me. I’m nearly dead.

* * *

Minimum Compliance

Lunch time. Rounding up the two older children to come to the kitchen and eat can be frustrating.  They ignore calls as if they didn’t hear anything.  But not Sammy, who loves to eat. One shout of ‘time to eat!’ and he’s at the table before the final syllable has completed.

One day, Mummy, Daddy, and Sammy are at the table, still waiting for Dominic and Pia to come into the kitchen to eat. 

Sammy is already feeding himself:

Daddy: Sammy, go call Achie.

Sammy: (in his Mickey mouse voice) I eating!    (slave drivers…grumble grumble)

Mummy: Come on Sammy, call Achie.

Sammy: Mummy, I eating! 

Pia comes into the kitchen and sits at her spot. Sammy sees the opportunity to do as he was told.

Sammy: (shouting into Achie’s face) ACHIE, WE EATING NOW!

* * *

Messenger messing the message

If United Nations translators were like Pia, we would have more wars.  The children did not do their homework yesterday, so we made them promise to finish it today. 

Daddy calls home from the office to check on the promise:

Daddy: (talking to Pia) Did you finish the assignment I gave you yesterday?

Pia: (Confident) Yes

Daddy: Did Mummy give you new assignment?

Pia: (dreading the thought that Mummy might give them additional homework, very softly)...No...

Daddy: Can I talk to Mummy?

Pia: (handing the phone to Mummy) Daddy said you don't need to give us any more assignment.

* * *

Colour lessons

Sammy still needs help when he needs to poo. He sits on the toilet seat, with his feet on the seat cover.  Either Mummy or Daddy patiently hold him while he does his thing.

One day, while Sammy was making poo.

Daddy: Sammy, what colour is your poo?

Sammy: (thinks for a couple of moments, then sneaks a peek down). Boo-rown!

* * *

Damayond, Lelo, Triangoo, and Circool

Sammy is learning to identify shapes and colors.  He gets them now, but his pronunciation has catching up to do.

Mummy: (pointing to a white circle) What's this?

Sammy: (in his Mickey mouse voice) White circool!

Mummy: (pointing to a yellow square) What's this?

Sammy: Lelo squares!

Mummy: (pointing to green triangle) What's this?

Sammy: Green triangoo!

Mummy: (pointing to red diamond) What's this?

Sammy: Red damayond!

* * *

Mirror mirror on the wall...

Pia had just had her hair cut into a bob.  It was a little uneven, but passable for a 6-year old (Daddy cuts her hair).

One early morning the family had to leave early to go to church. There was no time to shower.  Pia's hair was the definition of a bad hair day -- hair on the left side of her head was massed together into a ball half the size of her head.  The hair on the right side of her face separated into thick strands going in every direction, like hair on corn cobs.

Pia looks into the mirror:

Pia: Ohh....I don't look so good...

* * *

Gluttony

Sammy: I want to pee

Daddy: (busy at the computer, ignores Sammy)

Sammy: (this time with more urgency) I want to pee.

Daddy: (still ignoring)

Sammy: (Now jumping up and down) Unh...unh...I want to pee!!! 

Daddy:  Ok, let's go

Daddy heads to the bathroom, but Sammy heads to the kitchen

Daddy: (goes to the kitchen, puzzled) What're you doing there?

Sammy points to the chocolate biscuit in his hand. He wants to set it down somewhere before going into the toilet.

Daddy: Ok.  (heads to the toilet and waits for Sammy)

Sammy doesn't come. So Daddy goes back to the kitchen.  Sammy sits at the dining table, biting into a big strawberry he discovered, and completely forgetting he needed to pee.

Daddy: What are you doing?!? Let's pee!

Sammy: (munching) I eating.

* * *